Category Archives: Life

26Jul/18
neighborhood kids

I Miss That…

Aging, Life, ,

I really miss these things..

neighborhood kids

The neighborhood kids…and me..and their dog..

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately…I miss so many things from my child hood. Does everyone get to this point as they grow older or is it just me and the fact I have so little left from my childhood it makes me melancholy? Or is it summer? I loved summer when I was growing up. All the neighborhood kids would gather at our house…we had a pool. Not a big pool, but we were the only ones with a pool, so everyone came to our house. I miss so many things from the past and they keep seeping into the corners of my mind. Here are a few of the things I miss.

I miss when people were nice to each other. I miss when you walked down the street and people said hi to you. They didn’t look at you like you were crazy or act like they might hit you or even worse, totally ignore you. And I live in a small town.

I miss shopping downtown. Every Friday night we went downtown to shop. The sidewalks and stores were packed with people and even if we didn’t buy anything we had a wonderful time. I especially loved the 5 &10. And eating grilled cheese and fries at the snack bar..and a coke of course….a fountain coke.

I miss family dinners when everyone ate at the same time and we talked about our day. No one had an electronic device or a phone… we actually communicated with each other over our delicious home made meal.

I miss going to bed at night with my transistor radio pressed to my ear… Listening to great stations with a real live person talking. Wonderful music was playing and I knew the word to every song and knew the name of the person or group singing the song.

I miss when you knew all of your neighbors and they would help each other and watch out for each others kids. They would yell at you if you did something wrong and the parent of the child didn’t get mad at them, they would actually be glad they did it.

“Memory…is the diary that we all carry about with us.” ~ Oscar Wilde

I miss not having a care in the world…knowing my parents were taking care of everything and I didn’t have to pay bills or get the roof fixed if it leaked. I miss my parents always being there if I needed them.

I miss the simplicity of the world back when I was growing up. Yes, there were problems back then too, but we didn’t stop talking to our family members or friends if they felt differently about something then we did. We had respect for each others thoughts and feelings.

I miss the closeness of family. I miss going to my grandparents house every Sunday night and the whole family would be there. All my aunts, uncles and cousins…we all lived in the same town and we saw each other every week.

I miss sleeping in the same room with my sister and telling her all kinds of stories and  maybe even scaring her…just a little.  I miss the absolute trust she had in me. No one has ever had that same trust in me that she had.

I miss the warm days of summer when I as grown woman would set up the small pool in my own back yard and my children would run through the sprinkler with their friends. The sound of their laughter echoing through the neighborhood. I can still  smell the Coppertone and grilled hot dogs and it weighs heavy in my heart.

Times change, we change, we grow older, people move away and sadly we lose people. We took things for granted when we were young and thought they would aways remain the same. We were innocent and we were a little bit stupid. I wish I would have known then how much things would change. I would have done so many things differently and would have told people how much I cherished them while they were still here. So my advice is this…Live life fully, Love deeply, and enjoy each and every moment with family and friends. Most of all..be kind!

“Our memories are gifts that show us life even through the toughest times is worth living.” ~ Chrissie Penney

 

 

10Jul/18
very upset person

I HATE Autocorrect!!!

Humor, Life, Rants, , ,

can I tell you how much I hate it…but sometimes it’s funny…

very upset person

it truly makes me want to scream…

I needed something to make me laugh today and have been gathering these funny autocorrects for some time now…so thought I would share them with you. I hope you get a chuckle out of them. I think it’s funny how autocorrect has a dark side to it…seems to change things so they sometimes sound dirty…. It must have a sense of humor though as well….Enjoy!

  1. I was telling my friends(ok, it just changed that to “feeling” my friends) that the company I was going to be a consultant for was doing purses now too and it changed it to “dong purses”…whatever they are, I don’t want one!
  2. A friend of mine was saying she was buying her grandsons some socks and it was changed to “I always buy them some dicks.” We still laugh at that one…
  3. I was worried about a friend and in a 3 way private message to 2 other friends I sent this.. “if I don’t hear from her shortly..I’m eating her.” Well that’ll show her for not getting in touch…
  4. Another friend was texting us about her husband, Rick and it came up “Stick” instead…he will forever be known as “Stick” now…
  5. I started a Grief Group so my friends could openly talk about their loved ones in private without feeling judged…although when I texted a friend to ask if she wanted to join it..well, this is what came up. “I have a “Grease Proof.” She asked me what I had that was grease proof?
  6. Did you ever send a text or private message and it took a little while for the people you sent it too to see the error…and when they did, it was even more hilarious. I sent one to a few friends about something we were all getting…an invite or something and instead of “I got mine”…it said, “I got men.” They were all very happy for me and asked how many I got?
  7. I said I saw a woman walking her cat on a leash, which was funny in itself… but it was changed to “walking her car on a leash.” Which was even funnier…
  8. A friend fell and I wanted to text, “Aw, sorry to hear this.” It showed up as “Awesome, sorry to hear this.” At least the sorry to hear this wasn’t changed…
  9. The other day a lot of people were on FB talking about having problems with their Comcast WIFI. Someone posted…I am still having problems with my “Cervix”…I don’t know that Comcast can fix that…
  10. I didn’t receive my free donut at Dunkin Donuts on free donut day and texted my grand daughter to say that I was upset with them…I sent this…I am extremely upset with Dunkin Dog Nuts….She sent me a text back and said,  “what is this place, is it new?”…. I don’t think I want anything from that place though…
  11. On FB I saw a funny story a woman had posted that her Mother had a health problem and someone asked how she was and the woman replied… Oh she’s fine now..She just needed an “epic penis” (epi pen)… So glad it helped!
  12. I was texting a few people and said I went to a concert. They asked what concert… “Bonjovially” was my answer… It was a joyful Bon Jovi concert  though!

Hope you enjoyed this and maybe got a laugh or two out of them. It did make me smile while I was writing this…Did you ever have one of your texts changed into something funny or not so funny..let me know in the comments..

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” ~ e.e. cummings

 

28Jun/18
wearing leggings

Are We What We Wear?

Fashion, Humor, Life, Rants, ,

I truly hope not….

wearing leggings

I love my leggings and wear them everywhere…

Yes, this is going to be a rant! For the love of all that’s holy, could we just stop wearing exercise clothing everywhere we go… Yes, this woman is outside, on top of a building doing her yoga…and that is fine! I can only hope she lives in this building and puts some clothing on before she goes out in public.

Recently my daughter and I were running errands and everywhere we went that day we saw women/girls in workout clothes. I use the term loosely as in my opinion, they are not really clothes. We went to a nice department store, a grocery store, and a fairly upscale restaurant. Every place we went that day we ran into women in exercise outfits.

I walk every day. I wear these outfits. I don’t go anywhere in them except to walk to and from my house. Several times I have needed to go to the grocery store and think to myself…just this once. But I can’t do it. I run upstairs and put my jeans or capris on and out I go. Why can’t I do this? Maybe it’s my age and the fact I was raised to have respect for myself and others… My daughters are the same way though, so I guess it can’t just be my age. My youngest is a yoga teacher and she does go to the store after yoga, but she wears a jacket or top that covers her little tiny tank thing. This is what bothers me the most I think. The fact that not only do these people wear active wear, it is hardly covering any part of their body. And you are in a public place, you are in a restaurant….

“Dressing well is a form of good manners.” ~ Tom Ford

The stores are not helping the situation…once only a small section, is now a whole department full of various leggings, tops and tanks. Some times that section has more in it than the regular clothing section…and while it used to be in the back, it is now front and center. And it is filled with women dressed in the outfits, frantically looking for more outfits. I just look at them and wonder what makes someone put this on, look in the mirror and say, “Damn I look good, I’m going out to dinner!”

I know I may get some flack on this, but I don’t care. If you look good in your exercise outfit, then good for you! I’m happy for you! Wear it at the gym, wear it on your hike, even wear it to Starbucks for coffee with your workout friends afterward…but don’t wear it to a nice restaurant. If for some unknown reason…say you had a flood and all that’s left of your wardrobe is workout stuff, ok then wear it, but for heavens sake wear a jacket over your skimpy damn top!

There are many articles out there about why we wear what we wear. What the philosophy behind each outfit we wear is telling the world…. But what does wearing a teeny tiny top above the navel(when clearly you don’t have the body for it) and tight and I mean tight leggings mean? What are they trying to say? What message are they putting out there? Ok, I get the whole non body shaming thing…. yes its wonderful they love their body enough to do this…but I’m not even talking about weight here…I’m talking about women with huge breasts that are falling out the sides of the teeny tiny tanks.

“Dress how you want to be addressed.” ~ Bianca Frazier

Have we lost all respect for others or ourselves? Do we not care about the image we are putting out there? And it’s one thing for us to do it. But do we even think about the young girls growing up in todays world? Do we even think about the image we are projecting… telling these girls it is ok to look like this in public. Every now and then I have to tell my 11 year old grand daughter that her outfit is not acceptable if she wants to go away with me. And I went to lunch with my 7 year old grandson recently on Grandparents Day at his school and I was horrified to see what 5 year old girls were wearing to school! Most of it was totally inappropriate workout tops… Did these kids pick out the outfits or do they have mothers who are wearing them and think its fine for a 5 year old to dress this way?

I guess by now(if you are even still reading this) you are thinking I am just an old fuddy duddy… well, I’m done my rant now and I’m sorry if I offended anyone…..Hey, you know what, no I’m not sorry! Everyone is offended these days by something. I’m offended by the woman wearing leggings and a tank top to the restaurant I am paying good money to eat in and…I have to look at her boobs hanging out the entire time. Because she is right smack dab in front of me and I just can’t unsee that..So no I’m not sorry….

I will leave you with this one thought…if we are what we wear…what does that say about us…

“You should dress the way you want the world to treat you.” ~ Stacy London

 

18Jun/18
children being kind

What Happened To Kindness??

Aging, Life, ,

seriously where did it go, cause I don’t see it anymore…

children being kind

let’s be like these little kids…kind!

I remember back when I was a child people seemed much kinder. Was that really the way it was or is it all in my imagination? Were they really nicer then? Where did it go? Why are people so self absorbed that they don’t even notice you walking by them?

People would say hello and tip their hat to each other…of course if you didn’t have a hat you couldn’t do that…but you know what I mean. If you were going in a place of business and someone was coming out, you didn’t even have to bother getting the door. There was always some kind soul to hold it for you. It most likely didn’t even get acknowledged, because it was the rule and just expected. If you were driving and  coming off a ramp people would pull over to allow you onto the highway. Now you are lucky if you don’t get run off the side of the road trying to merge into traffic. And by any chance you manage to get on the road, you will most likely be greeted by a horn blasting at you or the much loved middle finger salute.

Gone are the days of people caring about others..it is everyone out for themselves. Now it’s all about “me”… I have given this a lot of thought and have tried to figure it out. It has gotten continually worse and I know some blame it on the current administration, but in my book it started way before that. Having worked retail or with the public, I always enjoyed watching people and how they interact and react to situations and other people. And I must say that over my many years dealing with them, the consumer has gotten a bit nasty. Some more than a bit! It is as if the “common” retail worker is beneath them and they hold some kind of contempt for anyone working “behind a counter.” Is it their way of “getting back” at someone else for the way they have been treated..or not treated?

“Kindness is a gift everyone can afford to give.” ~ Unknown

I have often thought it would be interesting, (if not dangerous) to take one of these people who have been mean or run you off the road aside and asked them what made them do this… Would they even be aware they did it? When you look at them, really look at them, they look totally distracted. Many are on their phones…talking, texting. Some of them have kids in the car or walking along side of them and they are doing the same thing. Are we really that busy and distracted these days that we are totally unaware we are hurting someone’s feelings? Do we care? What has happened to us? Why are we so mean? Where did the kindness go?

I know if you notice something and focus on it you will see more of that..so I try to focus on the good things I see. I really do. There just are not a whole lot of “good things” happening these days. However having said that, if I do see someone doing something good or being kind…I try to let the person I see doing it, know that I saw it and thank them. You would be amazed how they light up and smile! I was recently going into a store and wasn’t even close to the door yet. A young man came out, saw me, stopped and waited until I got there…. and then he held the door open for me. I turned toward him as I walked through the door and told him what a wonderful young man he was and thanked him. His face lit up and he smiled the biggest smile and thanked me back. I think his day was made as was mine! It doesn’t take much to be kind…

So if being kind isn’t hard… why don’t we do it more often? What are we afraid of? Maybe if we start noticing people doing good things and being kind…and we acknowledge them doing it, we will start a movement. Honestly, it could happen! I try to find something good everyday…even if it is something so small no one else would even notice it. I post a “good story” on my Facebook page each and every day. Some days it takes me hours to find one, but I do! There is still good and kindness in this world, we just need to see it, and acknowledge it. And pay it forward when it happens. And if we don’t see the good, we need to be the good!

Spread a little kindness today!

“Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly, and most wonderful underrated agent of human change.” ~ Bob Kerrey

 

07Jun/18
wreath in the ocean

Weird Things Are Everywhere…

Humor, Life, ,

even at the beach…

wreath in the ocean

Oh no, I lost my wreath in the ocean…

My oldest daughter took me to the beach last weekend to get away from all the things that are making my life just a bit too much right now. I needed to breathe the sea air and feel the sun…although we weren’t sure we would have sun since the forecast was calling for rain the entire time. That is one of the things I needed to get away from..the constant rain and dreariness here at home. Having said that, the weather gods were looking out for us… because the sun came out every day but one and I got to sit on the beach and feed my soul.

On the way to the beach and while we were there we encountered some things that made me laugh out loud and I so needed to laugh. I haven’t had much to laugh about lately…but that’s another story. This one is just about the funny, weird things we saw while driving there and at the beach.

A business sign – While most business signs are not usually funny, this one was. The sign on the store said, “Perfect Furniture.” In front on the store was a sofa that was falling apart. Not sure if it was for sale or they had it sitting out for the trash collector, but it struck me funny…it clearly was not “perfect.”

A rabbit – Most of the time rabbits are not funny..unless they are in a cartoon. But as we were driving along I had to do a double take when I saw a huge rabbit lying on the hood of a car. And yes it was alive because it moved. I guess it was the family pet?? But most of the time pet rabbits are in a cage not relaxing on the roof of the car.

A flashing sign – One day as we drove over to the beach, there was one of those flashing signs sitting along the rode…the sign said, “Limited Lifeguards.” That’s it, just those two words. Made me chuckle and think…why are they limited? Did it mean they didn’t have enough of them or they were limited in what they could do… various other thoughts come to mind..

A clerks name – My daughter and I both love “Life is Good” tee shirts and we always stop in our favorite shop to see if they have any new ones we might like. Of course they did and I bought one. It was a beach chair on the beach and under it were the words, “unplug”…perfect. When I got back to the house I looked at the receipt and it said, your clerks name is “Miracle Handy”…had I known this while I was in the store I would have asked her for one.

Zoltar – I’m not sure if any of you are familiar with Zoltar, the fortune telling machine. You find them on the boardwalk in most beach towns. Also if you have ever watched the movie “Big” with Tom Hanks, it is the machine that granted his wish to be “big.” Anyway, it is a tradition in our family that whenever we see one we get our fortune told by Zoltar. I put my money in and waited…(he always talks to you before printing out your fortune)…and then he says, “live for today..for tomorrow you may be dead.” A guy walking along the boardwalk comes running over and says, did he say what I think he said, “did he just say, live for today, for tomorrow you may be dead.” I said, yes he said that…and the best part is.. he said that to me last year as well… I guess I need to listen to him, as he really wants me to “get” that message!

Juan – a few years ago when I was working for a jewelry company, I serviced stores at the beach. I would spend 2 or 3 days at a time down there and went out to dinner by myself every night. I had a favorite mexican restaurant down there I always went to and still do. There was a waiter that usually waited on me and we chatted every time I went there. He worried about me since I was always alone. I told him i worked down there and that is why I was alone. So I took my family there once and he came running up and said, “Oh, I am so happy, you do have friends.” We all laughed, but he really was genuinely happy for me. I haven’t seen him for quite some time. We went there last weekend for dinner and all of the sudden he shows up at our table. He looked at us and said I thought that was you. He told us he hadn’t been working at this particular restaurant, he was working at one of their other ones and going to school. We chatted for awhile and he made us friends on FB so we wouldn’t lose touch again. It really was so great to see him again! When we left my daughter looked at me and said…”that was Juan right? I wasn’t sure if that was the right “juan” or not.” If you don’t get it, say it out loud…she didn’t mean it to be funny, but it sure was.

A glove and a wreath – I saw a glove on the beach, it had just washed up on the shore. I’m not sure what that means and why I saw it. If you know me… I am always looking for signs. A glove keeps your hand warm and protects it from the cold. This was a work type glove, so I’m guessing it was sending me a message that I am protected. At least that is what I chose to believe. Now the wreath…wreaths on doors are a decoration…a welcome to all that visit. A wreath floating in the water means…welcome to the beach?? Oh..my gosh, as I was typing this I got it…I got the message…you are home…welcome home!

There were many other weird things that happened but these are some of the best. And even though there are some things going on in my life that I am having some  trouble with…there is one thing for sure, my life far from boring. And it helps to laugh!

“If you just go with the flow, no matter what weird things happen along the way, you always end up exactly where you belong.” ~ Tom Upton

25May/18
stuck

Are You Stuck?

Aging, Life, ,

I think I am..no, I know I am…

stuck

help me, I’m stuck….

I woke up early this morning due to the sun shining brightly in my eyes…this time of the year the sun comes bursting in my room earlier and earlier and tricks me into thinking its time to get up. But I don’t want to get up, I want to sleep. I want to sleep so I don’t have to think. Because then I have to make decisions about my life and my future and I’m having trouble doing that. I try desperately for a half hour to go back to sleep but the sun is shining and the thoughts keep coming. So I just get up.

There are so many decisions to be made and I wish someone else could just make them for me. I don’t want to make anymore decisions. I’m 68, shouldn’t my decision making days be over…guess not! And so having said that…I still have to make some. Where am I going to live? What am I going to do to make money to live where I want to live? Do I wait or do I put the house on the market now? What am I waiting for? What do I really want to do with the next 20 good years I have left? I think I know the answers to these questions…I think I have it all figured out and then..poof…I don’t. I start to doubt myself and what I want. How do I know its what I really want? How do I know I should do what my soul is telling me to do? Is that even practical? Do I have to be practical? I have to make some decisions….but…I can’t! How do I stop being “stuck”…

I always post quotes about whatever subject I am blogging about and when I searched today for some, so many came up that spoke to me I decided to share them with you. We all have times when we are just “stuck”…maybe these will help.

Top Ten Quotes About Being Stuck

1. “You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.” ~ Wayne W. Dyer

2. “Growth is painful…Change is painful…But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” ~ Mandy Hale

3. “The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.” ~ Ellen Glasgow

4. “But there was a difference between being stuck and choosing to stay. Between being found and finding yourself.” ~ Martina Boone

5. “Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, and all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.” ~ Unknown

6. “Now when she felt stuck, she would just remind herself that in life you often have to take one step back in order to move forward.” ~ Queenisms

7. “I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question.” ~ Haran Yahya

8. “Whenever I have found myself stuck in the ways I relate to things, I return to nature. It’s my principal teacher, and I try to open my whole being to what it has to say.” ~ Wayne Bullock

9. “One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up, instead of what they have to gain.” ~ Rick Godwin

10. “Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.” ~ John Wayne

All of these quotes are great and really struck a cord in one way or another. The “return to nature” quote is something I try to do often and I get most of my best ideas and thoughts when I do this. It was on the beach in the Outer Banks last month that I heard the voice speak to me and tell me this is where I needed to be. Sometimes you know where you want to be, you just don’t know how to get there….

I saw this quote below and while it didn’t really speak to the issues at hand, it did speak to me…

“My worst nightmare is being stuck somewhere with nothing to read.” ~ Barbara Kingsolver  (Me too Barbara, me too!)

 

18May/18
have your back

I’ve Got Your Back…But…

Life, , ,

do you have mine…

have your back

got your back girl….

Why in this day and age do we still look to bring other women down instead of lifting them up? I ask myself this this several times a day…really I do. Especially when I am on FB. I don’t even read comments anymore because you just know when it is a picture of a woman, someone is going to make a nasty comment. What is this? Why do women feel the need to comment on another woman’s appearance? It saddens me that we are so unsupportive of other women…even to the point of making fun of them.

I am not saying I have never done this. And now as I write this I am ashamed of myself. Who among us hasn’t said, “what was she thinking…why did she wear that outfit?” It seemed so harmless at the time, but now I know it was part of a larger problem we have today. One where we as women don’t support other women. We not only don’t support them we try to make them feel less.

Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for us to lift up another woman rather than put her down? It seems we do this more now that ever before. Its it due to social media and the fact we an hide behind our computer screens and say hurtful things to each other and no one knows our true identity? Is that it? Who knows… But we know…we know deep inside this isn’t right and that it is very hurtful. It says more about us women saying these things to another than the one in the picture.

I just left a job I loved for almost 20 years last week. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t stand the drama and the back stabbing one more day… the whispering behind the backs of others and then turning around and telling the other person what was just said about them. I felt like I was back in high school or better yet, elementary school… I don’t want to see or hear that anymore. I don’t want to feel those feelings. I’m done. I have lost so many people in my life than I ever thought I would at this point and I can’t bear all the meanness and spitefulness. It hurts my soul. I want and need to be around people who lift me up…

We need to be there for each other, now more than ever before. I give thanks every day for all of the wonderful women in my life who are truly there for me and who do lift me up. They are there for me when I need them and their support is never ending. They are the the true warriors…these women are strong and not afraid of being strong. Those that put others down are weak and need to do that in order to feel more alive and to actually feel something.

“Strong people don’t put others down, they lift them up.” ~ Michael P. Watson

Has this gotten worse lately or is it just me? Why don’t we support instead of compete? Life should not be a competition. We were not meant to compete with each other. We certainly didn’t learn this from our mothers….at least I know I didn’t. We were taught to love one another. My grandfather was a Sunday School teacher. We were taught love. Always. When we tear one woman down we tear our whole gender down.

I don’t see men doing this. Men for the most part are strong and don’t have to put another man down to make themselves feel more like a man. Are they more secure in their worth than we are? I really hate to think this is the case. We women doubt ourselves constantly. Did we do the right thing? Am I skinny enough? Am I good enough? Does everyone like me? I don’t think men care if everyone likes them. Why do we?

If it’s self doubt that makes us be nasty to each other then we really need to look at ourselves and what we are telling ourselves..We need to look at how we are treating other women and most of all… how we treat our self! I have also read that it is jealousy that makes us do this. I don’t think so. Of course it may be in some cases but for the most part I think it’s that little voice inside our heads telling us we aren’t good enough and we need to make someone else feel small in order to make ourselves feel better.

I think life is hard enough…we don’t need to make it any harder. We need to lift each other up and give support to other women. Let’s start today. Let’s tell another woman she looks beautiful. Let’s tell one she has a pretty smile. Let’s say you are enough to that single mom struggling with her job and 3 kids. Like I said, life truly “is” hard enough! Let’s try to make it better. Let’s start building other women up instead of putting them down.

I truly hope this younger generation of girls will not do this and I am doing everything in my power to see that my young grand daughter knows how to treat other girls. When I hear her talk about friends at school..I think she gets it! I know she looks to me for guidance and I know I am not without guilt here. But starting today I will try to do better. I will try to put myself in the others place and think what would I want to hear. It might not happen over night, but I will do better. I think I can. I think we all can!

“When women support each other, incredible things happen.” ~ UnknownI

09May/18
the right move

How Do We Know If It’s The Right Move?

Aging, Life, ,

“should I stay or should I go…” credit, The Clash

the right move

which move is the right move…

How do we ever really know if we’re making the “right” decision? And whose logic do we use to judge that the decision is actually the “right” one? I have some decisions to make and all of the sudden I can’t make one. I never had this problem before. I’ve made earth shattering decisions without even a thought. I left my husband, took my three kids and got a new place to live and a new job. I didn’t stop to think if it would work out. I just did it. And somehow it all worked out. I used to “fly by the seat of my pants” and now I can’t make a simple decision.

I have been thinking about moving to the beach. I have loved it since I was a little girl and always thought about living there one day. I recently spent a week in The Outer Banks and as I sat by myself on the beach watching the tide go in and out, a voice from somewhere deep inside spoke to me. It gently whispered… This…this is what you need…you need to be living at the beach. I had never felt anything as strongly as I did in that brief moment… I walked on the beach every morning and every night that week. And each time I did, the voice was there … just waiting for my return. I felt it deep within my soul. I had never experienced anything like this before in all my years of going to the beach. And at the end of the week It was hard for me to leave, it always is…but this time my heart ached and I felt the voice pulling me back. I really just wanted to stay there forever.

I want to go but I can’t just sell my house and move to the beach and not worry about the consequences…Can I? Why not? My head says I can’t, my heart says I can! I’ve been on my own for most of my life. Making my own decisions..right or wrong. I got married at 15, had my first child at 16…got divorced and raised three kids, for the most part by myself. I moved away from the town I grew up in and started a new life in Maryland when I was in my late 30’s with my boyfriend. I only knew one person at the time I moved there. I didn’t even stop to think about it…I just did it. And it turned out to be the best decision I ever made.

What guidelines should we use to make a huge decision like this? Are there any? I’m 68 years old…I have a good maybe 20 some years left on this planet, shouldn’t I be living in a place I love in those last years? But…what if..what if I get sick? What if, I am not happy there..Yeah, right! The what ifs and whys are always in the back of our mind when we make any decision. But “what if” we listened to our heart and not our brain? Like I said, I’m 68, I’ve survived a lot and I am still here. Maybe the question to ask myself is… what is the worst that can happen? Maybe I would hate it and move back to Maryland…is that the worst thing?

“You know you have made the right choice when there is peace in your heart.” ~ Unknown

People ask me for advice all the time. Really.. lots of friends and family members ask for my advice on things for some reason. And I think I am pretty good at giving advice…to others. So ok…let me take a step back and think about this, what advice would I give a friend if they asked me this question…”What do you think I should do… I really love the beach, should I sell my house and move to the beach?” I know my answer would be..Yes, of course…why are you still sitting here? Call the realtor. Start packing. Life is short, we need to enjoy each and every moment. And if that moment is at the beach, then that is where you should be.

Yep, that is the advice I would give my friend. I would say that and not feel one bit of remorse or worry that I had given them the wrong advice. Life IS short. It’s over in a blink of an eye. Why shouldn’t we be living somewhere we love? Why shouldn’t we do something that makes us happy? If all that is true and it is… why is it so hard for me to take my own advice? I don’t know why.. But there is one other piece of advice that I readily give to friends and maybe this one is the best of all in this situation… I always say, when you are 90 and sitting on your front porch in your rocking chair, will this little thing that you are worried about right now even matter? Will you be sitting there saying I am happy and so glad I took all the roads I took in life or will you say I really wish I had taken that one road I didn’t take…

As I have mentioned before my writing helps me…it helps me to get things out of my head and down on paper..And this time is no different. I think I need to go. I think I need to do this. I could rent for a year and see if it is really something I enjoy and if it isn’t..then what…oh well… as Scarlet said…“I’ll think about that tomorrow.” 

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.” ~ Dr Seuss

Dr Seuss always has the answers to every question. What do you think? Would you make a life change in your late 60’s?

 

23Apr/18
reading on the beach

Am I Really “Enough”…

Aging, Life, ,

I always thought I was, but now I’m not so sure…

reading on the beach

Am I enough…

As I sat on the beach reading last week from time to time a thought would go through my mind…Am I enough? Me…. the one who always encouraged others to believe this… had my doubts whether or not I was enough…

Webster defines the word “enough” as plenty, sufficient, to the degree that satisfies. Well, who decides what that degree is? Who in our life gets to say that we are sufficient? I believe all of us know the answer to this…it’s just that sometimes we let circumstances going on around us at the time make us question everything and we start to doubt ourselves.

We as humans have a tendency to be hard on ourselves, we think we aren’t good enough. We aren’t a good enough daughter, sister, mother or friend. When our children are having a hard time or going through things we can’t “fix”…is it our fault? Did we do something wrong when they were growing up? Were we bad parents? Did we do enough? Were we good enough?

I ask myself these questions and more.. Am I the reason my kids have problems? Did I do enough to help my daughters, was I a good role model for them? When my friend had a problem with her husband, was I truly there for her? When my sister was sick, did I do enough to help her get through it? When my son was having difficulties, did I do all I could? Did I do enough? Was I “enough?”

“You alone are enough.You have nothing to prove to anybody.”~ Maya Angelou

I think maybe it’s just easier to believe everything that happens is our fault. It is easy to believe we aren’t enough… to take the blame for things we really aren’t responsible for. Yes, we are strong women, but when it comes to our kids all reasoning goes out the window, It’s the same with other family members and friends. We often blame ourselves for the things that happen to them, even when we know that’s not the case.

In reality its not easier to blame ourselves, it’s easier to just accept who we are and not think we need to be something we aren’t…perfect. We are human, we have imperfections. We can’t “fix” everything. I always thought my mom could fix everything and usually she could. So does the fact I can’t make me a bad parent? No! It doesn’t. I know this deep inside somewhere but that stupid doubt rears its ugly head once in awhile and makes me question myself all over again.

We need to stop! Stop questioning ourselves. Stop giving in to the doubts and self talk that blames us for others problems. We don’t have that much power. We barely have enough to control our own lives…let alone the lives of others. And no one…no one can decide that we are not enough. So stop doubting yourself. Just be who you are…The only person on this earth that can decide that you are enough is you! I am the only one that can decide that I am enough. And I am… I am enough and so are you!

Writing helps me sort things out. Just writing this has helped me. It’s helped me to see that I am not responsible for everything that happens to the people I love. Nor can I fix everything that happens to them. I do what I think I should do at the time, hopefully it is the right thing and it is enough. I don’t have super powers that can fix everything….but I don’t have to. I’m not perfect… but I am enough!

“You are enough. You were born being enough. Nothing you say or do will ever add to or subtract from who you are.” ~ Jenny Layton

 

 

 

12Apr/18
cats don't care

I Don’t Care!

Life, Rants, , ,

cats don’t care and neither do I…

cats don't care

Do I look like I care..

Ok, I do care…I care about my family, my friends, the world, the environment…but there are a lot of things I don’t care about these days and I’m just going to let them go. I used to care..a little too much and always wound up getting hurt. I think I have pretty much just stopped caring so I just stop getting hurt…I also believe we need to think about what and who we care about and be very “careful” of those we put our trust in these days. I think I’m like a cat! They just don’t care at all…

I don’t care how much exercise I get. There I said it. I just read something the other day that said if you exercise 5 minutes every few hours each day you’re good! How many people do you know who were in good shape, exercised, ran marathons, ate only healthy stuff, and dropped over dead in their 40’s or 50’s…on the flip side are some of my very own relatives who did everything wrong and lived to be 90!  I’m not saying we shouldn’t do anything to be more healthy I’m just saying there are some things I just don’t want to do to be healthy. We shouldn’t obsess so much about it. I’m not wearing a step counter…or putting a health app on my phone or wearing the wrist thing. I did for awhile and I did get kind of obsessed about it. So I’m not doing it any more. I have enough things telling me what to do and when to do them… I walk every day. I walk because I love to walk. I don’t know how far I walk…I don’t care.. I walk until I don’t want to anymore and then I turn around and walk back.

I don’t care if ice cream isn’t good for me! Life’s short and none of us are getting out alive…so I eat what I want. But I really do try for the most part to eat healthy. I don’t eat after 7pm..I think you need a little time for everything to settle down before going to bed. It helps you sleep better. But if I want ice cream… I’m going to have ice cream. I feel like everything in moderation is always a good call. I don’t eat it every night and when I do get some I usually get those little cups and eat half one night and half the next.

I don’t care if my house is spic and span clean. As long as the tv show Hoarders doesn’t come to my house… even if they would, they could sit on my couch and have plenty of space on my kitchen counter to make dinner… and my dishes are aways washed…so I’m good. I love a place that’s nice and clean and has a place for everything and everything is in it’s place…I just don’t want to be the one that has to do it! Oh and I do make my bed every morning… so there’s that!

“I pretend I don’t care but deep down inside…….I really still don’t care.” ~Unknown

I don’t care about all this stuff with Facebook stealing our information..or allowing someone else to steal and use it. Do you really think no one else is doing this? We all have cell phones and computers and programs and apps on both of them, do you really think these people aren’t stealing our data? Do you think this hasn’t been going on as long as computers have been around and maybe even before that? If people can hack into our government files do you honestly think they haven’t been hacking into ours? I just hope someone that hacked into my mortgage company’s site will pay off my mortgage while they’re in there. Yeah, that would be nice… Nothing in life is free, we have been using social media for free for quite a while now so if you don’t like what is happening don’t use it. I will continue to make the most of it… to stay in touch with family members and friends that don’t live close by. I love that we can stay connected and with FaceTime and Skype on our phones and computers it make me feel like they are here in my house. So yeah, just my opinion..I don’t care.

I don’t care if coffee, wine or whatever else they are saying at the moment isn’t good for you. Because next year a new study will come out and say it is good for you. It happened this year with coffee, there was a study that said they were wrong, something in coffee is good for you….not more than a week later another study comes out and says it isn’t…again…we still, for the most part have free will…if you love/like coffee, drink it! If you love/like wine…have some! Again…everything in moderation.

I don’t care if everyone likes me. I used to care… But not anymore. I am not everyone’s cup of tea and I am well aware of that. I think I am one of those people who you either love or hate…I don’t think there is much of an “in between” with me..I used to be bad enough but as I’ve written before, I have changed since the death of my son. I have little or no filter. However, trivial things I used to worry about no longer bother me. And people who don’t “get” me…don’t get me. I tried very hard over the years to keep some people in my life, but I have learned you can’t make people like you, they either do or they don’t…and having them in your life knowing that you are the one trying to make them like you is worse than not having them in your life at all. Like I said, Life is short and its too short to try and hang onto people who really don’t want to be there. Let them go.

As I mentioned earlier, I do care…I care about people, I care about animals. I care about the homeless, the sick, the poor, and most of all, I care about my family and the friends in my life who are like family… but there are some things I just don’t care about anymore and I’m letting them go….

Also I just wanted to mention…”I Don’t Care” is a song title used by many…from, Hank Williams, Green Day, The Ramones, to Ricky Martin and Elton John and lots more. So many titles of my blog posts are songs…isn’t that weird?

“When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.” ~ Unknown