Tag Archives: decisions

09May/18
the right move

How Do We Know If It’s The Right Move?

Aging, Life, ,

“should I stay or should I go…” credit, The Clash

the right move

which move is the right move…

How do we ever really know if we’re making the “right” decision? And whose logic do we use to judge that the decision is actually the “right” one? I have some decisions to make and all of the sudden I can’t make one. I never had this problem before. I’ve made earth shattering decisions without even a thought. I left my husband, took my three kids and got a new place to live and a new job. I didn’t stop to think if it would work out. I just did it. And somehow it all worked out. I used to “fly by the seat of my pants” and now I can’t make a simple decision.

I have been thinking about moving to the beach. I have loved it since I was a little girl and always thought about living there one day. I recently spent a week in The Outer Banks and as I sat by myself on the beach watching the tide go in and out, a voice from somewhere deep inside spoke to me. It gently whispered… This…this is what you need…you need to be living at the beach. I had never felt anything as strongly as I did in that brief moment… I walked on the beach every morning and every night that week. And each time I did, the voice was there … just waiting for my return. I felt it deep within my soul. I had never experienced anything like this before in all my years of going to the beach. And at the end of the week It was hard for me to leave, it always is…but this time my heart ached and I felt the voice pulling me back. I really just wanted to stay there forever.

I want to go but I can’t just sell my house and move to the beach and not worry about the consequences…Can I? Why not? My head says I can’t, my heart says I can! I’ve been on my own for most of my life. Making my own decisions..right or wrong. I got married at 15, had my first child at 16…got divorced and raised three kids, for the most part by myself. I moved away from the town I grew up in and started a new life in Maryland when I was in my late 30’s with my boyfriend. I only knew one person at the time I moved there. I didn’t even stop to think about it…I just did it. And it turned out to be the best decision I ever made.

What guidelines should we use to make a huge decision like this? Are there any? I’m 68 years old…I have a good maybe 20 some years left on this planet, shouldn’t I be living in a place I love in those last years? But…what if..what if I get sick? What if, I am not happy there..Yeah, right! The what ifs and whys are always in the back of our mind when we make any decision. But “what if” we listened to our heart and not our brain? Like I said, I’m 68, I’ve survived a lot and I am still here. Maybe the question to ask myself is… what is the worst that can happen? Maybe I would hate it and move back to Maryland…is that the worst thing?

“You know you have made the right choice when there is peace in your heart.” ~ Unknown

People ask me for advice all the time. Really.. lots of friends and family members ask for my advice on things for some reason. And I think I am pretty good at giving advice…to others. So ok…let me take a step back and think about this, what advice would I give a friend if they asked me this question…”What do you think I should do… I really love the beach, should I sell my house and move to the beach?” I know my answer would be..Yes, of course…why are you still sitting here? Call the realtor. Start packing. Life is short, we need to enjoy each and every moment. And if that moment is at the beach, then that is where you should be.

Yep, that is the advice I would give my friend. I would say that and not feel one bit of remorse or worry that I had given them the wrong advice. Life IS short. It’s over in a blink of an eye. Why shouldn’t we be living somewhere we love? Why shouldn’t we do something that makes us happy? If all that is true and it is… why is it so hard for me to take my own advice? I don’t know why.. But there is one other piece of advice that I readily give to friends and maybe this one is the best of all in this situation… I always say, when you are 90 and sitting on your front porch in your rocking chair, will this little thing that you are worried about right now even matter? Will you be sitting there saying I am happy and so glad I took all the roads I took in life or will you say I really wish I had taken that one road I didn’t take…

As I have mentioned before my writing helps me…it helps me to get things out of my head and down on paper..And this time is no different. I think I need to go. I think I need to do this. I could rent for a year and see if it is really something I enjoy and if it isn’t..then what…oh well… as Scarlet said…“I’ll think about that tomorrow.” 

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.” ~ Dr Seuss

Dr Seuss always has the answers to every question. What do you think? Would you make a life change in your late 60’s?

 

24Apr/16

When You Came To A Fork In The Road…

Lifestyle, , , ,

Which way do you go and was it the right way?

a fork in the road, oh wait its a lake

a fork in the road… oh wait, its a lake!

Have there been times in your life when you had to make a decision on something very minor at the time, but it actually changed the course of your life? I was at dinner with friends recently and we were discussing this very thing. How one small decision totally changed their life and what would have happened if we took the other “road.” How do we know if we made the right choices?

We all had stories that night where we knew that we had made a critical decision that changed the course of our lives, but we also all decided we didn’t know at the time how truly life changing it would be. Would we make those same choices today? That is a hard one to answer. We only know what we have now and who really knows what would have happened had we taken the other “road.”

I myself have had quite a few of these “forks” in my life. I have a rather large collection of them and am now ready to sell them or give them away at this point in my life. I know I have had many times where I made a decision in the spur of the moment and it affected my life, but the conversation at dinner made me look at the ones that stand out as important to me and my life as it is today. Here are the top 3 decisions I have made that altered the course of my life.

The number one decision I made that changed my life…

The one choice I made that has had the biggest impact on my life was when I got pregnant at 15. I was scared and I was so young and had my whole life ahead of me. But I chose to keep my child and get married to the child’s father. Looking back on that now I know I made the right decision. There has never been a moment that I regretted this and I am so grateful for having the guts to do it. There weren’t many girls who were raising babies and married at 16 in my town in the 60’s. So it was hard, and truly changed the course of my life forever.

Did I make the right choice? Unequivocally yes! I love my children and I can’t even think of what my life would be without them.

The second most life changing decision I made….

When I was dating my children’s father I once had a huge fight with him and I broke up with him. It was during the summer I was 15 and before I found out I was pregnant. Another guy friend found out I broke up with my boyfriend and asked me to go out with him. I said yes. I always liked him and thought why not I need to move on and this was a good way to do that. (remember I was only 15) The next day my boyfriend came to the house and we made up, he gave me his ring and he went away for the weekend with his friends, so I had to call the other guy and tell him I couldn’t go. We were both sad that our date wouldn’t happen.

Did I make the right choice? Yes! I have thought about this many times over the years and how it could have changed my life. Not who the date was with particularly, but the fact that I wouldn’t have married the man who would father my children. Again, my children are so very important in my life and anything that would have changed that regardless of the man I married to get them would not have been good. You may say I may have had a happy life and other children with the other guy, but I may not. The kids I have and grandchildren from this choice is definitely worth all I went through.

The third most life changing decision I made…

My move to Frederick, Maryland with my then live in boyfriend. This was a very hard decision for me. I was leaving behind my family and friends and everything I ever knew as my life at 36. But it seemed like the right time to do this. There was a lot of stress in my life from my recent divorce and I thought a fresh start was a good thing at that time of my life. My boyfriend getting transferred to Frederick was to me at that time a sign and it seemed like a good place to do that. It was only an hour and a half away so it wasn’t like I was moving across the country or anything.

Did I make the right choice? Yes again! I needed to start fresh, and to do that I had to get away from everything I knew and the life I had in Pennsylvania. I was excited and scared all at the same time. I had a chance to reinvent myself. I only knew one other person in Frederick besides my boyfriend. So I went out and met new people and became what I always wanted to be a “business woman.”  When I left my home town I was a waitress, And while there is nothing wrong with that and it served its purpose for me money wise and being able to spend time with the kids, it wasn’t  something I wanted to continue to doing. My positions in Frederick allowed me to be on a course where I opened my own store. My life dream was fulfilled. Not everyone can say that, so yes, I made the right choice.

We all make choices, every single day. Some of the ones we make affect us our whole lives. I am happy with all the choices I have made and don’t regret a single one. What about you? Have you come to a fork in the road and had to make a decision? Did you make the right one?

“The choices that you make in your life will make your life. Choose wisely.” ~ Michael Josephson