“should I stay or should I go…” credit, The Clash
which move is the right move…
How do we ever really know if we’re making the “right” decision? And whose logic do we use to judge that the decision is actually the “right” one? I have some decisions to make and all of the sudden I can’t make one. I never had this problem before. I’ve made earth shattering decisions without even a thought. I left my husband, took my three kids and got a new place to live and a new job. I didn’t stop to think if it would work out. I just did it. And somehow it all worked out. I used to “fly by the seat of my pants” and now I can’t make a simple decision.
I have been thinking about moving to the beach. I have loved it since I was a little girl and always thought about living there one day. I recently spent a week in The Outer Banks and as I sat by myself on the beach watching the tide go in and out, a voice from somewhere deep inside spoke to me. It gently whispered… This…this is what you need…you need to be living at the beach. I had never felt anything as strongly as I did in that brief moment… I walked on the beach every morning and every night that week. And each time I did, the voice was there … just waiting for my return. I felt it deep within my soul. I had never experienced anything like this before in all my years of going to the beach. And at the end of the week It was hard for me to leave, it always is…but this time my heart ached and I felt the voice pulling me back. I really just wanted to stay there forever.
I want to go but I can’t just sell my house and move to the beach and not worry about the consequences…Can I? Why not? My head says I can’t, my heart says I can! I’ve been on my own for most of my life. Making my own decisions..right or wrong. I got married at 15, had my first child at 16…got divorced and raised three kids, for the most part by myself. I moved away from the town I grew up in and started a new life in Maryland when I was in my late 30’s with my boyfriend. I only knew one person at the time I moved there. I didn’t even stop to think about it…I just did it. And it turned out to be the best decision I ever made.
What guidelines should we use to make a huge decision like this? Are there any? I’m 68 years old…I have a good maybe 20 some years left on this planet, shouldn’t I be living in a place I love in those last years? But…what if..what if I get sick? What if, I am not happy there..Yeah, right! The what ifs and whys are always in the back of our mind when we make any decision. But “what if” we listened to our heart and not our brain? Like I said, I’m 68, I’ve survived a lot and I am still here. Maybe the question to ask myself is… what is the worst that can happen? Maybe I would hate it and move back to Maryland…is that the worst thing?
“You know you have made the right choice when there is peace in your heart.” ~ Unknown
People ask me for advice all the time. Really.. lots of friends and family members ask for my advice on things for some reason. And I think I am pretty good at giving advice…to others. So ok…let me take a step back and think about this, what advice would I give a friend if they asked me this question…”What do you think I should do… I really love the beach, should I sell my house and move to the beach?” I know my answer would be..Yes, of course…why are you still sitting here? Call the realtor. Start packing. Life is short, we need to enjoy each and every moment. And if that moment is at the beach, then that is where you should be.
Yep, that is the advice I would give my friend. I would say that and not feel one bit of remorse or worry that I had given them the wrong advice. Life IS short. It’s over in a blink of an eye. Why shouldn’t we be living somewhere we love? Why shouldn’t we do something that makes us happy? If all that is true and it is… why is it so hard for me to take my own advice? I don’t know why.. But there is one other piece of advice that I readily give to friends and maybe this one is the best of all in this situation… I always say, when you are 90 and sitting on your front porch in your rocking chair, will this little thing that you are worried about right now even matter? Will you be sitting there saying I am happy and so glad I took all the roads I took in life or will you say I really wish I had taken that one road I didn’t take…
As I have mentioned before my writing helps me…it helps me to get things out of my head and down on paper..And this time is no different. I think I need to go. I think I need to do this. I could rent for a year and see if it is really something I enjoy and if it isn’t..then what…oh well… as Scarlet said…“I’ll think about that tomorrow.”
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.” ~ Dr Seuss
Dr Seuss always has the answers to every question. What do you think? Would you make a life change in your late 60’s?
Delaware beaches are nice too!
Yes they are…love them…
I think you already know what you’re going to do Renee – now you just need to start getting excited about it. Go with your heart, go where you’ll be happy, enjoy the years ahead. When you’re 90 you can always move somewhere else if you’re not happy and content in that rocking chair on your front porch xx
Thank you so much Leanne! I am excited…just wish you didn’t have all the “in the meantime” stuff to deal with…but I will eventually be there….
wow…simultaneously exciting and scary to think about making a change like that.
If you do go you should definitely give kayaking a try sometime though! 😉
Bonnie thank you and I will ask you for advice if I try kayaking….or you can come visit and show me…
That first thought is the right one. Then we second guess. Go with that first thought. Then just . . . go!
And invite us down for the open house on the beach!
Oh Diane thank you for these comments! And of course you will all be invited…
Renee it is a big decision! Perhaps rent out your home and rent at the beach. Or rent at the beach for half of each season just to be sure you really like it in all seasons.
Oh Haralee, I KNOW I like it, my daughter has a place down there and I stay there quite a bit…I need to sell my house anyway…to much to take care of…so I will be doing this…just don’t know when. I may rent a place though…Thanks!
We can be “forced” into decisions at any stage of life. I think it is wonderful to have the opportunity to be able to pursue change, just because it will feel good. It does not have to be permanent if you decide that you do not want to maintain the change! Or that another direction becomes more interesting and you want to move in another direction just because you can and that possibilities are always around the next corner! That is kind of what we did when we left the “safety” of our old homestead in East York and moved out here in the “country”!!! Not such a great geographical distance but it suited us! Some might have said (and some did!!!) why do you want to uproot yourself at this late date when you have such a cute little house and your pool and good neighbors, etc. etc. etc. The answer was there deep within us. It was what we wanted to do! It turned out to be a wonderful decision for us!! I can be in touch with nature here more than I ever could be in East York! We have wonderful neighbors, land to spread out on, a beautiful view in any season yet we can be to a shopping center within minutes. We have space and also convenience! The day may come when we will again have to make decisions. And I know that we will rise to the occasion. And they may not be decisions that we have chosen but ones that have been foisted on us. We do what life demands of us sometimes. But when you can, and it feels right or even adventurous…..I say go for it while the choice is still yours to make!!!
Thanks Georgia! and glad your move worked out for you guys!
And I trust that your move. when and if made, Renee, will bring you much joy and new and wonderful experiences for future blogs and the enrichment of your friends and family! And of course to the benefit of yourself!! Some say life is just a bowl of cherries…..others say it’s the pits!!! I say make the choices that feel right to you! It is a blessing to have choice in our lives and I fully support that wonderful gift while we have it! God go with you and bless you always! <3
To beach or not to beach? That is the question. Is it nobler in the eyes of a woman to pursue her happiness at a locale that offers solace or stay in her surroundings where things are familiar? Many people can offer advice and much of it is well intentioned. However, the final decision rests with you, Renee. Is it worth it to pull up stakes at this stage in your life and pursue happiness? I would answer yes since you have still a great deal of life to live and being happy is one of the most important conditions to have in your life. 68 is now the new 48 so if your heart wants to make rhythm with the waves then go east young lady and pursue your dreams.
Aw, Andy as always such great comments! Thank you for your wisdom and clarity!
Hey Hellion, here’s how I make tough decisions. I call it the “decisionless decision.” When I feel I have no choice but to make a major change, I do it! Remember: Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing!
Laura, Thank you! I love that, “Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.”
It certainly would be life-changing. I think your idea of renting (maybe with the option to buy) would be a wise decision. Hopefully you’ll work it all out. Being happy is the most important thing in this stage of our lives.
So true Peg! I really love the beach and want a more laid back life…
I say go for it. Im a stronger believer that if you feel a huge urge to really do something, you should do it. What’s really stopping you? Not your kids. Not your responsibilities. The only thing stopping your move is you. (I am well aware that moves are much easier said than done.)
Thank you and I do agree with you…I am leaning towards doing it…just need to figure it all out…sell my house, etc…
Profound thoughts! I’ve been told MOVE TO Florida!! Nope I couldn’t do it. My family is all here so here is where I’ll stay. At this age (71) nope. Not going anywhere 😜 But YOU? Well if that’s what makes you happy go for it!! I’m not into the beach any more though. Love ya kiddo, you decide ❤️❤️
Thanks Susie, I would stay close by…looking at areas around 3 hours away… <3
I believe you need to do this! If you don’t, you’ll always wonder, “ what if?”
That is so true Lisa! Thank you…