I always thought I was, but now I’m not so sure…
Am I enough…
As I sat on the beach reading last week from time to time a thought would go through my mind…Am I enough? Me…. the one who always encouraged others to believe this… had my doubts whether or not I was enough…
Webster defines the word “enough” as plenty, sufficient, to the degree that satisfies. Well, who decides what that degree is? Who in our life gets to say that we are sufficient? I believe all of us know the answer to this…it’s just that sometimes we let circumstances going on around us at the time make us question everything and we start to doubt ourselves.
We as humans have a tendency to be hard on ourselves, we think we aren’t good enough. We aren’t a good enough daughter, sister, mother or friend. When our children are having a hard time or going through things we can’t “fix”…is it our fault? Did we do something wrong when they were growing up? Were we bad parents? Did we do enough? Were we good enough?
I ask myself these questions and more.. Am I the reason my kids have problems? Did I do enough to help my daughters, was I a good role model for them? When my friend had a problem with her husband, was I truly there for her? When my sister was sick, did I do enough to help her get through it? When my son was having difficulties, did I do all I could? Did I do enough? Was I “enough?”
“You alone are enough.You have nothing to prove to anybody.”~ Maya Angelou
I think maybe it’s just easier to believe everything that happens is our fault. It is easy to believe we aren’t enough… to take the blame for things we really aren’t responsible for. Yes, we are strong women, but when it comes to our kids all reasoning goes out the window, It’s the same with other family members and friends. We often blame ourselves for the things that happen to them, even when we know that’s not the case.
In reality its not easier to blame ourselves, it’s easier to just accept who we are and not think we need to be something we aren’t…perfect. We are human, we have imperfections. We can’t “fix” everything. I always thought my mom could fix everything and usually she could. So does the fact I can’t make me a bad parent? No! It doesn’t. I know this deep inside somewhere but that stupid doubt rears its ugly head once in awhile and makes me question myself all over again.
We need to stop! Stop questioning ourselves. Stop giving in to the doubts and self talk that blames us for others problems. We don’t have that much power. We barely have enough to control our own lives…let alone the lives of others. And no one…no one can decide that we are not enough. So stop doubting yourself. Just be who you are…The only person on this earth that can decide that you are enough is you! I am the only one that can decide that I am enough. And I am… I am enough and so are you!
Writing helps me sort things out. Just writing this has helped me. It’s helped me to see that I am not responsible for everything that happens to the people I love. Nor can I fix everything that happens to them. I do what I think I should do at the time, hopefully it is the right thing and it is enough. I don’t have super powers that can fix everything….but I don’t have to. I’m not perfect… but I am enough!
“You are enough. You were born being enough. Nothing you say or do will ever add to or subtract from who you are.” ~ Jenny Layton
thank you so much for this post. I needed so badly to hear that there are others who feel inadequate at times. I have battled with this guilt for years. Maybe it’s time I let it go and just be me.
Yes, we all do! And I’m sure you are “enough”…Thank you for commenting.
This is something all of us feel at times. “Did I do this…or should I have done that.” The old…shoulda, woulda, coulda thing. It doesn’t do any good to second guess ourselves. We do the best we can and HOPEFULLY move on.
So true Peg….but sometimes it is harder to move on..especially when it has to do with your kids…
Like you, writing helps me work things through. Unfortunately I frequently am unable to rid my mind of the self doubt.
Karen, it has taken me a long time…and sometimes it creeps back up again/..but I forced it down…and its going to stay there this time! You are enough Karen!
Those self-doubts. They just seem to crop up out of nowhere. Fortunately, after they have squatted a while, they settle back down again. Till the next crisis!
Sigh.
They certainly do Diane..I’m hoping I beat mine down once and for all! By the way…you are enough!
This came in the midst of a couple of hospitalizations of my mother in law. Did I do enough? Did I speak up enough to hospital and rehab staff? And so on. I needed this today!
Ah, hugs Alana! And yes I’m sure you did enough… Thanks for your comments..
This is something I’ve battled for years – the concept that I am enough in myself – that I have enough, that I don’t need the approval of everyone, that I’m good enough; that I’m not too much or too little. I even had Enough as my word of the year a while back. It’s interesting that we all struggle with this at times.
It comes and goes Leanne…like the tides of the ocean…sometimes I am and then all of the sudden…I’m not! thanks for commenting…
We all need to remind ourselves of this every once in a while. You are definitely enough!
Thank you Shari! So are you!!!
Boy did this come at exactly the right time!!!!! Bad things happening all around me. It threatens to overwhelm me. But deep inside I know it won’t. How? Because I have been at similar places throughout my life and here I am! That, of course, is too much of a simplification. I have survived things that have ended the lives of others. When I thought that I could not go on, I did anyway. Taking another step has become a way of life. I, many years ago, adopted a wee bit of a Scarlett O’Hara kind of attitude. For those of you who never read “Gone With The Wind”, I can highly recommend it as an example of “keeping on keeping on”! Like Scarlett, I sometimes can be heard mumbling to myself….”Oh fiddle-dee-dee, I won’t think about that today…..I’ll think about it tomorrow!!!!” Granted, Scarlett brought on a bunch of problems all by her own doing, but haven’t we all at one time or another? Many times, though, her problems were just a situation of happenstance or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But then there were the insurmountable situations, such as her little daughter’s death in a riding accident (same with her father’s death!). Devastated, she still found a way to put one foot in front of the other and “keep on keeping on”! I started with Gone With The Wind analogies when I was much younger and now find myself firmly in the last third of my life. I believe that I will just keep on keeping on until I draw my last breath. I don’t know any other way to live! But, thank you, Hellion, for letting me realize that what you say is true. I have tried to improve upon me over the course of my life but in the end it is all me. The good, the bad and the ugly!!!! And right now, I have two little girls who are depending on me and when I am not equal to the task, I am so grateful for their Mommy and their Grandpa who are!!! Thank you enormously for all your insights and musings, Hellion!! You are definitely enough and much more!!!!! <3 <3 <3
Thank you Georgia for sharing this with me…I am sure you are “enough”….as you said, we have been around for a while and have made it thus far….so we will survive and so will those we love..
Thanks for your words of encouragement, Renee. It is so well appreciated. It’s been a rough week, but these things too shall pass, as my sister-in-law likes to say…..and she is right. I really appreciate your blog. Always something there that makes me think, or feel grateful or makes me chuckle. Rich nuggets always to be found! Love them and you! Keep on keeping on with life and your blog!!! :D!
This blog must have been cathartic for you. You started with a problem and then, in the course of writing, realized that the problem did not really exist. Therefore, the writing of the blog produced the results you had initially hoped for when you took your laptop (or PC) in hand. It is a lesson we can all learn from and free us from guilt that is not deserved. ( I was raised a Catholic so guilt was a necessary ingredient in keeping the faithful in line. Mind control became an art in the hands of the theologians of the faith). Good blog.
Andy, yes it was definitely cathartic…thank you so much for your awesome comments…..
This is so beautiful. I need this reminder hanging up everywhere around my house. The last quote especially is an amazing reminder!
Thank you so much..I think we all need reminding sometimes…
Very powerful. YOU ARE ENOUGH. I sometimes ponder the same things, but I know, I can’t stop anyone from doing what they want to do, and NO ONE can stop me either. We are our OWN individuals and have to do what we feel is best (or worse) . Its a part of LIFE. We all have made mistakes, misjudgments, and done things we shouldn’t have, but that’s HOW we learn. I learned marriage wasn’t for me, LOL. Love ya girlfriend.
Thanks Susie Q! You are too!