Its happened, I have truly turned into my parents…
I don’t know when or how this happened, but it happened. I find myself saying and doing things they did all the time now. Daily, hourly, every few minutes… I just can’t stop it. I want to but I can’t. I have turned into my parents!!
How this is affecting my life and the lives of those who love me (at least they did, maybe not so much anymore) has not been determined yet. But it is affecting them and me. I promise myself to try harder to stop being my parents. But can I?
My my youngest daughter and grandkids are visiting from Vermont this week and I find myself acting like my Dad constantly. Saying things like “turn out that light, stop running in and out the front door, calm down, shut the refrigerator door, do you have to be so loud, you’ll poke your eye out”…and on and on. The words just come out of my mouth and the moment I say them I hear him and want to stop but I can’t.
I wasn’t always like this, I was a fairly normal person for the most part and allowed the kids to be kids, but I have sadly turned into Dad and I can’t go back. Mom wasn’t as bad as Dad. My Father was the one who had no patience at all with kids. That is until I had kids, he was pretty good with them and actually talked to them, I don’t remember ever having a conversation with him unless he was telling me NOT to do something or to lower my voice. I couldn’t do anything right. I tried to be different with my kids, I left them be kids. I wasn’t like this when they were little..or at least I don’t think I was.
Dad did however have his limits, even with my kids. I remember both of my daughters telling me of one particular night they slept over at my parents house, they had been to the mall and each of them got a balloon. They were being kids and playing with the balloons and had named them “Buster”(they got them at the Buster Brown Shoe Store). Of course they were giggling and running around the house with them until Dad just couldn’t take it any longer, he got up from the sofa went over and ripped the much loved Buster from their tiny little hands and threw them out. I always thought this was such a horrible story. That is until recently. I could so see myself doing this…and maybe even have done something similar.
So I ask, is this normal? Or is something wrong with me? Or could it be due to the fact I have been through so much lately that I have absolutely no patience for anything that is out of my ordinary daily routine? I have had so much chaos, craziness and loss in my life that now I seek peace, calm and a semblance of order. I am not making excuses, I am just saying this is the way it is.
And by the way, this isn’t just happening with my grandkids, I am even doing it with my oldest kid who has moved in with me. I find myself on a daily basis telling her to turn off the light or shut the refrigerator door. She just looks at me and I know what she is thinking. I also yelled at my youngest daughter the other night for jumping around in bed. I thought she was going to have a heart attack. Of course I feel bad after I do these things, but for some reason I just can’t stop myself.
Again I pose this question to you, is this normal? Do you find yourself having less patience as you turn older? Do you find yourself saying and doing more things like your parents? Please tell me I am not alone or crazy!
Are we destined to turn into our parents?