18May/18
have your back

I’ve Got Your Back…But…

do you have mine…

have your back

got your back girl….

Why in this day and age do we still look to bring other women down instead of lifting them up? I ask myself this this several times a day…really I do. Especially when I am on FB. I don’t even read comments anymore because you just know when it is a picture of a woman, someone is going to make a nasty comment. What is this? Why do women feel the need to comment on another woman’s appearance? It saddens me that we are so unsupportive of other women…even to the point of making fun of them.

I am not saying I have never done this. And now as I write this I am ashamed of myself. Who among us hasn’t said, “what was she thinking…why did she wear that outfit?” It seemed so harmless at the time, but now I know it was part of a larger problem we have today. One where we as women don’t support other women. We not only don’t support them we try to make them feel less.

Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for us to lift up another woman rather than put her down? It seems we do this more now that ever before. Its it due to social media and the fact we an hide behind our computer screens and say hurtful things to each other and no one knows our true identity? Is that it? Who knows… But we know…we know deep inside this isn’t right and that it is very hurtful. It says more about us women saying these things to another than the one in the picture.

I just left a job I loved for almost 20 years last week. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t stand the drama and the back stabbing one more day… the whispering behind the backs of others and then turning around and telling the other person what was just said about them. I felt like I was back in high school or better yet, elementary school… I don’t want to see or hear that anymore. I don’t want to feel those feelings. I’m done. I have lost so many people in my life than I ever thought I would at this point and I can’t bear all the meanness and spitefulness. It hurts my soul. I want and need to be around people who lift me up…

We need to be there for each other, now more than ever before. I give thanks every day for all of the wonderful women in my life who are truly there for me and who do lift me up. They are there for me when I need them and their support is never ending. They are the the true warriors…these women are strong and not afraid of being strong. Those that put others down are weak and need to do that in order to feel more alive and to actually feel something.

“Strong people don’t put others down, they lift them up.” ~ Michael P. Watson

Has this gotten worse lately or is it just me? Why don’t we support instead of compete? Life should not be a competition. We were not meant to compete with each other. We certainly didn’t learn this from our mothers….at least I know I didn’t. We were taught to love one another. My grandfather was a Sunday School teacher. We were taught love. Always. When we tear one woman down we tear our whole gender down.

I don’t see men doing this. Men for the most part are strong and don’t have to put another man down to make themselves feel more like a man. Are they more secure in their worth than we are? I really hate to think this is the case. We women doubt ourselves constantly. Did we do the right thing? Am I skinny enough? Am I good enough? Does everyone like me? I don’t think men care if everyone likes them. Why do we?

If it’s self doubt that makes us be nasty to each other then we really need to look at ourselves and what we are telling ourselves..We need to look at how we are treating other women and most of all… how we treat our self! I have also read that it is jealousy that makes us do this. I don’t think so. Of course it may be in some cases but for the most part I think it’s that little voice inside our heads telling us we aren’t good enough and we need to make someone else feel small in order to make ourselves feel better.

I think life is hard enough…we don’t need to make it any harder. We need to lift each other up and give support to other women. Let’s start today. Let’s tell another woman she looks beautiful. Let’s tell one she has a pretty smile. Let’s say you are enough to that single mom struggling with her job and 3 kids. Like I said, life truly “is” hard enough! Let’s try to make it better. Let’s start building other women up instead of putting them down.

I truly hope this younger generation of girls will not do this and I am doing everything in my power to see that my young grand daughter knows how to treat other girls. When I hear her talk about friends at school..I think she gets it! I know she looks to me for guidance and I know I am not without guilt here. But starting today I will try to do better. I will try to put myself in the others place and think what would I want to hear. It might not happen over night, but I will do better. I think I can. I think we all can!

“When women support each other, incredible things happen.” ~ UnknownI

09May/18
the right move

How Do We Know If It’s The Right Move?

“should I stay or should I go…” credit, The Clash

the right move

which move is the right move…

How do we ever really know if we’re making the “right” decision? And whose logic do we use to judge that the decision is actually the “right” one? I have some decisions to make and all of the sudden I can’t make one. I never had this problem before. I’ve made earth shattering decisions without even a thought. I left my husband, took my three kids and got a new place to live and a new job. I didn’t stop to think if it would work out. I just did it. And somehow it all worked out. I used to “fly by the seat of my pants” and now I can’t make a simple decision.

I have been thinking about moving to the beach. I have loved it since I was a little girl and always thought about living there one day. I recently spent a week in The Outer Banks and as I sat by myself on the beach watching the tide go in and out, a voice from somewhere deep inside spoke to me. It gently whispered… This…this is what you need…you need to be living at the beach. I had never felt anything as strongly as I did in that brief moment… I walked on the beach every morning and every night that week. And each time I did, the voice was there … just waiting for my return. I felt it deep within my soul. I had never experienced anything like this before in all my years of going to the beach. And at the end of the week It was hard for me to leave, it always is…but this time my heart ached and I felt the voice pulling me back. I really just wanted to stay there forever.

I want to go but I can’t just sell my house and move to the beach and not worry about the consequences…Can I? Why not? My head says I can’t, my heart says I can! I’ve been on my own for most of my life. Making my own decisions..right or wrong. I got married at 15, had my first child at 16…got divorced and raised three kids, for the most part by myself. I moved away from the town I grew up in and started a new life in Maryland when I was in my late 30’s with my boyfriend. I only knew one person at the time I moved there. I didn’t even stop to think about it…I just did it. And it turned out to be the best decision I ever made.

What guidelines should we use to make a huge decision like this? Are there any? I’m 68 years old…I have a good maybe 20 some years left on this planet, shouldn’t I be living in a place I love in those last years? But…what if..what if I get sick? What if, I am not happy there..Yeah, right! The what ifs and whys are always in the back of our mind when we make any decision. But “what if” we listened to our heart and not our brain? Like I said, I’m 68, I’ve survived a lot and I am still here. Maybe the question to ask myself is… what is the worst that can happen? Maybe I would hate it and move back to Maryland…is that the worst thing?

“You know you have made the right choice when there is peace in your heart.” ~ Unknown

People ask me for advice all the time. Really.. lots of friends and family members ask for my advice on things for some reason. And I think I am pretty good at giving advice…to others. So ok…let me take a step back and think about this, what advice would I give a friend if they asked me this question…”What do you think I should do… I really love the beach, should I sell my house and move to the beach?” I know my answer would be..Yes, of course…why are you still sitting here? Call the realtor. Start packing. Life is short, we need to enjoy each and every moment. And if that moment is at the beach, then that is where you should be.

Yep, that is the advice I would give my friend. I would say that and not feel one bit of remorse or worry that I had given them the wrong advice. Life IS short. It’s over in a blink of an eye. Why shouldn’t we be living somewhere we love? Why shouldn’t we do something that makes us happy? If all that is true and it is… why is it so hard for me to take my own advice? I don’t know why.. But there is one other piece of advice that I readily give to friends and maybe this one is the best of all in this situation… I always say, when you are 90 and sitting on your front porch in your rocking chair, will this little thing that you are worried about right now even matter? Will you be sitting there saying I am happy and so glad I took all the roads I took in life or will you say I really wish I had taken that one road I didn’t take…

As I have mentioned before my writing helps me…it helps me to get things out of my head and down on paper..And this time is no different. I think I need to go. I think I need to do this. I could rent for a year and see if it is really something I enjoy and if it isn’t..then what…oh well… as Scarlet said…“I’ll think about that tomorrow.” 

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.” ~ Dr Seuss

Dr Seuss always has the answers to every question. What do you think? Would you make a life change in your late 60’s?

 

23Apr/18
reading on the beach

Am I Really “Enough”…

I always thought I was, but now I’m not so sure…

reading on the beach

Am I enough…

As I sat on the beach reading last week from time to time a thought would go through my mind…Am I enough? Me…. the one who always encouraged others to believe this… had my doubts whether or not I was enough…

Webster defines the word “enough” as plenty, sufficient, to the degree that satisfies. Well, who decides what that degree is? Who in our life gets to say that we are sufficient? I believe all of us know the answer to this…it’s just that sometimes we let circumstances going on around us at the time make us question everything and we start to doubt ourselves.

We as humans have a tendency to be hard on ourselves, we think we aren’t good enough. We aren’t a good enough daughter, sister, mother or friend. When our children are having a hard time or going through things we can’t “fix”…is it our fault? Did we do something wrong when they were growing up? Were we bad parents? Did we do enough? Were we good enough?

I ask myself these questions and more.. Am I the reason my kids have problems? Did I do enough to help my daughters, was I a good role model for them? When my friend had a problem with her husband, was I truly there for her? When my sister was sick, did I do enough to help her get through it? When my son was having difficulties, did I do all I could? Did I do enough? Was I “enough?”

“You alone are enough.You have nothing to prove to anybody.”~ Maya Angelou

I think maybe it’s just easier to believe everything that happens is our fault. It is easy to believe we aren’t enough… to take the blame for things we really aren’t responsible for. Yes, we are strong women, but when it comes to our kids all reasoning goes out the window, It’s the same with other family members and friends. We often blame ourselves for the things that happen to them, even when we know that’s not the case.

In reality its not easier to blame ourselves, it’s easier to just accept who we are and not think we need to be something we aren’t…perfect. We are human, we have imperfections. We can’t “fix” everything. I always thought my mom could fix everything and usually she could. So does the fact I can’t make me a bad parent? No! It doesn’t. I know this deep inside somewhere but that stupid doubt rears its ugly head once in awhile and makes me question myself all over again.

We need to stop! Stop questioning ourselves. Stop giving in to the doubts and self talk that blames us for others problems. We don’t have that much power. We barely have enough to control our own lives…let alone the lives of others. And no one…no one can decide that we are not enough. So stop doubting yourself. Just be who you are…The only person on this earth that can decide that you are enough is you! I am the only one that can decide that I am enough. And I am… I am enough and so are you!

Writing helps me sort things out. Just writing this has helped me. It’s helped me to see that I am not responsible for everything that happens to the people I love. Nor can I fix everything that happens to them. I do what I think I should do at the time, hopefully it is the right thing and it is enough. I don’t have super powers that can fix everything….but I don’t have to. I’m not perfect… but I am enough!

“You are enough. You were born being enough. Nothing you say or do will ever add to or subtract from who you are.” ~ Jenny Layton

 

 

 

12Apr/18
cats don't care

I Don’t Care!

cats don’t care and neither do I…

cats don't care

Do I look like I care..

Ok, I do care…I care about my family, my friends, the world, the environment…but there are a lot of things I don’t care about these days and I’m just going to let them go. I used to care..a little too much and always wound up getting hurt. I think I have pretty much just stopped caring so I just stop getting hurt…I also believe we need to think about what and who we care about and be very “careful” of those we put our trust in these days. I think I’m like a cat! They just don’t care at all…

I don’t care how much exercise I get. There I said it. I just read something the other day that said if you exercise 5 minutes every few hours each day you’re good! How many people do you know who were in good shape, exercised, ran marathons, ate only healthy stuff, and dropped over dead in their 40’s or 50’s…on the flip side are some of my very own relatives who did everything wrong and lived to be 90!  I’m not saying we shouldn’t do anything to be more healthy I’m just saying there are some things I just don’t want to do to be healthy. We shouldn’t obsess so much about it. I’m not wearing a step counter…or putting a health app on my phone or wearing the wrist thing. I did for awhile and I did get kind of obsessed about it. So I’m not doing it any more. I have enough things telling me what to do and when to do them… I walk every day. I walk because I love to walk. I don’t know how far I walk…I don’t care.. I walk until I don’t want to anymore and then I turn around and walk back.

I don’t care if ice cream isn’t good for me! Life’s short and none of us are getting out alive…so I eat what I want. But I really do try for the most part to eat healthy. I don’t eat after 7pm..I think you need a little time for everything to settle down before going to bed. It helps you sleep better. But if I want ice cream… I’m going to have ice cream. I feel like everything in moderation is always a good call. I don’t eat it every night and when I do get some I usually get those little cups and eat half one night and half the next.

I don’t care if my house is spic and span clean. As long as the tv show Hoarders doesn’t come to my house… even if they would, they could sit on my couch and have plenty of space on my kitchen counter to make dinner… and my dishes are aways washed…so I’m good. I love a place that’s nice and clean and has a place for everything and everything is in it’s place…I just don’t want to be the one that has to do it! Oh and I do make my bed every morning… so there’s that!

“I pretend I don’t care but deep down inside…….I really still don’t care.” ~Unknown

I don’t care about all this stuff with Facebook stealing our information..or allowing someone else to steal and use it. Do you really think no one else is doing this? We all have cell phones and computers and programs and apps on both of them, do you really think these people aren’t stealing our data? Do you think this hasn’t been going on as long as computers have been around and maybe even before that? If people can hack into our government files do you honestly think they haven’t been hacking into ours? I just hope someone that hacked into my mortgage company’s site will pay off my mortgage while they’re in there. Yeah, that would be nice… Nothing in life is free, we have been using social media for free for quite a while now so if you don’t like what is happening don’t use it. I will continue to make the most of it… to stay in touch with family members and friends that don’t live close by. I love that we can stay connected and with FaceTime and Skype on our phones and computers it make me feel like they are here in my house. So yeah, just my opinion..I don’t care.

I don’t care if coffee, wine or whatever else they are saying at the moment isn’t good for you. Because next year a new study will come out and say it is good for you. It happened this year with coffee, there was a study that said they were wrong, something in coffee is good for you….not more than a week later another study comes out and says it isn’t…again…we still, for the most part have free will…if you love/like coffee, drink it! If you love/like wine…have some! Again…everything in moderation.

I don’t care if everyone likes me. I used to care… But not anymore. I am not everyone’s cup of tea and I am well aware of that. I think I am one of those people who you either love or hate…I don’t think there is much of an “in between” with me..I used to be bad enough but as I’ve written before, I have changed since the death of my son. I have little or no filter. However, trivial things I used to worry about no longer bother me. And people who don’t “get” me…don’t get me. I tried very hard over the years to keep some people in my life, but I have learned you can’t make people like you, they either do or they don’t…and having them in your life knowing that you are the one trying to make them like you is worse than not having them in your life at all. Like I said, Life is short and its too short to try and hang onto people who really don’t want to be there. Let them go.

As I mentioned earlier, I do care…I care about people, I care about animals. I care about the homeless, the sick, the poor, and most of all, I care about my family and the friends in my life who are like family… but there are some things I just don’t care about anymore and I’m letting them go….

Also I just wanted to mention…”I Don’t Care” is a song title used by many…from, Hank Williams, Green Day, The Ramones, to Ricky Martin and Elton John and lots more. So many titles of my blog posts are songs…isn’t that weird?

“When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.” ~ Unknown

 

 

04Apr/18
funny guy

Just Some Funny Weird Stuff…

just because we need to laugh..

funny guy

make me laugh…

I had a bazillion(maybe not a bazillion) other things I was going to write about but I just needed to laugh and I don’t think I’m the only one. It seems like there is something in the air, the full moon from the weekend is still creating havoc or just the way the world is right now. Anyway, I decided to write my post today about things I have been collecting for awhile now and write in my book every time I see something weird or funny.

“From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.” ~ Dr. Seuss

And here it is:

  1. Buy Exhaust Here… I see this on a sign whenever I go back home to Pennsylvania to see family or friends…the sign says…Buy Exhaust Here…I don’t even know which is weirder, that you would sell it or that someone would buy it. If for some unknown reason you would want some couldn’t you just put a plastic bag over your exhaust pipe? I dunno…its just weird.
  2. Tattoos While You Wait… There is a tattoo parlor that I go by daily on my walks in our little town. I have lived here for 10 years and just a few weeks ago the sign out front struck me funny. Of course you would wait for your tattoo…I mean you can’t really leave your arm or leg… or boob there while you go shopping and come back for it later now can you?
  3. Ax Throwing Gaining Popularity in bars… Oh yeah, great…just what we need a bunch of drunk people throwing axes in bars. Need I say more…
  4. The Cochran Firm… This is the firm of the now deceased Johnnie Cochran that represented OJ. Johnnie passed away 13 years ago but in the ads on tv for the law firm…he lives. If they just had a small picture of him it would be fine, but they show a video of him talking. I really don’t mean any disrespect…honestly I don’t. But really, is it me or does this just seem a little creepy? Since I live in MD  and the law firm is in DC…the ad is on quite frequently.
  5. Ted Cruz posing for a picture with a “fan”…. Now this wouldn’t be weird except that the woman he was posing with was wearing a sign that said, “Texas deserves better than Cruz.” Maybe..and this is good advice for all of us… you should really look at someone before agreeing to have your photo taken with them.
  6. Danger, Men at Work sign… I see these signs quite a lot since it seems they are always working on the roads down here in Maryland…however when I saw a sign last week it got me thinking…why is it dangerous for men to be working…what are they doing that is dangerous…why don’t you ever see a sign that says, Danger, Women at Work? Are men just naturally more dangerous…or are women just more cautious?
  7. Gender Reveal Parties… Ugh…I just don’t get it, sorry. Back in my day(yeah, I know) we didn’t even know what we were having until we had it! Now everyone knows what they are having and not only that, they have to have a party(a huge frickin party) to let everyone know and share in the excitement. I read a story awhile back where this couple took the sealed envelope from the doctor to the bakery and told them to put the color pink or blue depending on the sex inside the cake. When they cut the cake it looked like pink….everyone at the party cheered and they all were very happy. Upon looking closer at pictures of the cake the icing looked white.. The couple then opened the second envelope the doctor have given them…just in case. It said, “it’s a boy.” Needless to say they were a little upset with the bakery.
  8. “My late husband died”… I was reading an article last week and the woman they were talking to was quoted as saying this line. I had to think about it for a few minutes… if he was her “late” husband, wouldn’t that also mean that he would have to have died? Again, is it me or is the statement redundant?
  9. If Door Does Not Open..Do Not Enter… this was a real sign on a door at a shop I was going to. I mean, if the door doesn’t open then I guess you can’t go in…or you may have to knock…3 times…LOL.. or call them or scream loudly… “let me in.”  Or is the door somehow connected to a secret buzzer and the owner has something fishy going on in there…again…I dunno!
  10. Please prepay in advance… another sign on the counter at a store I was shopping at… so if I’m buying a few items I have to know exactly what I’m going to get before I actually get them and pay for them before actually knowing what they are….does that make sense…no… well neither does your sign.

These were some of the funny, weird things I had on my list. I hope you enjoyed them. There are a lot more.. but I’ll save them for another day, another time. Do you see funny or weird stuff or is it just me?

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” ~ Reba McEntire

26Mar/18
no common sense

Common Sense Is NOT Common…

Do people still have common sense….

no common sense

Be careful…use some common sense…

Standing on the edge of a cliff is something a lot of people do…falling off said cliff is also something a lot of people do. Common sense would tell you not to get this close to the edge…you may fall. But we constantly read stories of people falling off cliffs at the Grand Canyon or other national parks. Why is this? Why don’t people use their common sense? Or do the people that do this not have it? Is common sense something everyone has and some people just refuse to use it? Or is it something just a few have and most do not?

I have been contemplating this for years. I am not sure it is something that can be learned. I think you either have it or you don’t. There are people with PHD’s that have no common sense whatsoever. Or do they have it and think they should just use their brainy powers to figure things out? Back in the 50’s and 60’s did our grandparents ever just look at each other and say, “WTH?”..well I know mine didn’t cause they didn’t swear. But really is this new or has it always been like this? Do some people have it and some just do not.

Why do people fly down the highway at 90 miles an hour, with kids in the car, when the speed limit sign says 50? Why do people still talk on the phone and text while driving now when it is illegal in almost every state? Why do people drive into a lake just because their GPS told them to? Why don’t people use those “new” things on the steering wheel(at least that’s where mine are) that tell the driver in back of them they are turning? Why does everyone blame social media for hacks and stealing their info…people, listen to me….when you take a quiz and it clearly states.. we will use your info…they will use your info…that’s what “we will use your info” means!

“Common sense is not so common” ~ Voltaire 1769

All the above happens everyday.. and just a little common sense could sure help… I don’t know where you get it, not sure if you are born with it or it’s something you can learn. I believe I have it and always had it. Sometimes I haven’t used it and I can vividly recall those times…and know the consequences that came with me deciding not to. Both my grandparents had it and so did my parents. Maybe that’s the thing, if your parents didn’t have common sense then how could you? We learn from watching our parents…even before we go to school..our parents are our teachers. Or at least they should be.

Voltaire knew about common sense back in 1769 and wondered why some didn’t have it or he noticed they didn’t use it. So evidently this isn’t something new, something that just started lately. Although I do think people today are so consumed by their phones and electronic devices that they rely solely on the info they find on there to figure things out. They don’t use their brains and they don’t think. Maybe there should be a class in school today called…Common Sense 101. However, would the kids that really need it, take it? I think the most valuable thing in our body is our brain. We need to use it to think before we act, we need to evaluate everything and how this thing we are planning to do is going to affect people before we do it. Just think before you act! It’s really quite simple.

Does anyone actually think anymore? Working retail and with the public really makes me wonder? Some of the things I see make me lose all hope for civilization as we know it. I feel sad and wonder how we have gotten to this point. And then as I drive home from work something happens…a car coming off a ramp slows down and waits for everyone to go by and the driver in front of me uses his turn signal when he turned at the intersection. Small things, yes… but they renewed my faith in humanity and the world. Common Sense is alive and well!

One last note: for the love of all that’s holy.. could you please not hit “reply all” when you send an email back that has 50 or more people included in the email? Common sense, people, common sense! Thank you!

“Common sense is an instinct, and enough of it is genius.” ~ Josh Billings

 

19Mar/18
creepy

What Are You Afraid Of?

the monster under the bed…

creepy

now this I’m afraid of…

I’m pretty sure we all have “something” we are afraid of…I’m not afraid of most of the things I used to be scared of when I was younger, but I still have fears. I think after going through so many difficult things in my life and as I age, the things I once thought were scary… no longer scare me. Also, I just decided one day to stop living in fear. However that being said, I still have a few things that I’m afraid of.

Ok, let me just get this out of the way… I’ll admit it…I’m still afraid of the “monster under the bed”…I do not EVER allow a leg or arm hang over the edge and never ever look under there in the dark. I always keep a sheet or something(no mater how hot it is) over me while sleeping..just in case the monster decides to come out. I don’t care who you are or what you think of me, this is scary.

I am a little afraid of aging…not that getting older scares me but what comes with it. I want to live a good long life and my grandson just told me he hoped I live into my 90’s..I just don’t want to not be able to do the things I love to do. I have seen my mother decline in health and not be able to get out of bed for 4 years before she actually passed. I don’t want that. I don’t want my kids to have to see me that way. I want to only age to the point I can still enjoy life…I know I have no control over that for the most part but I do try to take care of myself and stay healthy.

Along with aging comes the fact that as we age we lose people we love. I keep losing people. I’m afraid of losing more. I am constantly aware of this. When I was little and lost people I never really experienced the loss like I do now. I remember my mother talking about this as she lost her friends and family but it didn’t affect me so I did not really understand her feelings about this. I value life and my friends and family members so much that each loss is so profound and deeply felt. And I lose a little part of me every time I lose someone.

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’m afraid of never being in love again. I think about this sometimes…will I never know  that feeling again. I’m 68 and at this point the chance for this to happen is slim to none.  I know I have the love of family and friends and believe me when I say how much I appreciate all of that love. I have been lucky to have had several loves in my lifetime and loved each one of them dearly and deeply. If I never experience that kind of love again, I guess what I had will have to have been enough. But I would like to feel that wonderful feeling of loving and being loved one more time.

One thing that really scares me is that I will leave this earth without really having done everything I wanted to do or accomplish. I’m afraid of dying without really having lived. Am I doing the things I want to do? Am I giving back? Have I made a difference? These things are important to me and I have been fixated on them lately. I want my days on this earth to mean something. I don’t want to just exist. I want to make a difference, I want to have mattered.

I really don’t want to get into politics or the state of our country and world, however I do worry about the future for our children and their children. But then I think back to when I was a very small child and the adults would all be in the living room talking…and I being the nosey kid I was at the time, would be around the corner listening to to their conversations about how worried they were for the world and what they feared was going to happen. Terrible things were going to happen. I was scared and had nightmares about the things they talked about. This was over 60 years ago and the conversation has stayed with me all my life. But the bad things didn’t happen then and I don’t think they will now. There are always scary times in each lifetime but somehow someway we persevere. We are tough, we survive and get through the difficult times somehow. We are brave! We are not afraid!!!

Oh and I almost forgot…I’m afraid of spiders.  I always have been. My Dad used to have to come up in my bedroom and kill them before I could go to sleep when I was little…and actually when I was a teenager too. I’m still afraid of them. I’m afraid of having one crawl in my ear at night while I sleep. But here’s a thought…maybe, just maybe the monster under the bed will eat all the spiders so I don’t have to be afraid anymore. So see that monster is good for something. Its nice to know you really can find something good in every bad situation..

What are you afraid of?

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

 

12Mar/18
Hope

There’s Aways HOPE…

Hope Springs Eternal”..Alexander Pope

Hope

always.. always Hope…

I haven’t felt much like writing and couldn’t decide on a topic this week…last week I was searching for “something to believe in” ..it seems to be a constant battle lately for me to find better days. I went for a walk yesterday…the sun was shining brightly and it wasn’t as cold as it has been. I even walked longer than my usual 35 minutes, I walked for over an hour. I was looking for signs and of course I found some. But I was also looking for something else, something to give me “hope”…

I really am not this person I feel I have become. I do not give up! But when things just keep happening you sometimes feel like doing just that. I think I usually get this way in March…I am tired of winter and the darkness it brings. I love sunshine and warm weather and by the time March rolls around I am just done. Then throw in the time change and well I just can’t…So as I walked I tried to come up with things that give me hope…and I do know this…There is always hope!

I spent some time with two of my grand kids on Friday and Saturday. They give me hope. The two of them are such loving sweet kids and they give me hope for our future. They are my son’s children and I love spending time with them when I get the chance.  We usually go to a movie and then play games and talk. Yes, we actually talk. They ask me questions about their father growing up and what he was like as a child. We usually wind up laughing hysterically about something I tell them. It makes me happy and fills me with hope to know they want to talk about him and keep him “alive” in their hearts. It is good to be able to talk about him and just feel normal for a little while…I know it is good for all of us to be able to do that. I also love their sweet hugs and kisses and most of all.. hearing them say, “Grammy, I love you!” They give me hope!

After they left I went to the grocery store…now this doesn’t usually fill me with hope…or any kind of enjoyment.. however on this day it did. I saw a cashier who used to work there and had been gone for some time, so I went to his register. He looked up and smiled and I told him I was glad he was back. We chatted for awhile and he asked how my job was going, to which I replied…laid off again. He looked at me, his eyes so very honestly filled with emotion.. he wished me luck and winked. It made my day. And gave me hope.

“Hope is the last thing ever lost.” ~ Italian Proverb

As I was walking I couldn’t help but see the flowers coming up out of the dirt and leaves. The flowers make me happy. I am always amazed that year after year they continue to thrive and grow again after the cold dreary winter. The little ones especially, the crocus and snowdrops. And then the daffodils and tulips that follow. The trees are starting to bud and it all gives me a sense of renewal. It gives me hope.

I can’t help but notice the sounds coming from the trees, the little birds flitting from tree to tree singing their happy little songs and building their nests. I see Cardinals and I saw my first Robin. I am always excited to see them as it really means Spring is here. At least it is supposed to be here. If the robins come back then it’s here….right? I even saw some geese flying back from their vacations in the south. All the birds and animals know it’s Spring…then why doesn’t it feel like it? But..it gives me hope!

I walk along and think what else gives me hope? And what comes to mind is… the beach and the ocean. The ocean gently bringing the waves to the shore and then back out again. The constant in and out of the water and the smell of it brings such a sense of peace. It is definitely something that I love, and something that gives me hope.

As I pass by a playground I see a bunch of children playing and laughing. They are outside playing in the sunshine and enjoying every minute of it. Not one of them has a cell phone or an electronic device. They are climbing on the rock walls and swinging on the swings. The sounds of pure joy permeate the air.  It makes me smile and gives me hope!

“Hope is like a bird that senses the dawn and starts to sing while it is still dark.” ~ Unknown

There is goodness and hope out there in the world but it seems we have a tendency to see the bad more so than the good. I share a “good story” on Facebook every day. Some days it takes forever to find one. I see so many horrible stories but very few good ones. It is important to me to find the “good”…and share it. People sometimes comment and like the posts and sometimes they don’t. But when I see people out at a restaurant or shopping somewhere they always comment that they love my “good stories”… So they do make a difference. It is the same with this blog. I think to myself, I don’t feel like writing this week, will anyone even notice it I don’t? And then I remember all the people that tell me they read it and just don’t comment. I have to remember why I do these things. I do them because I love doing them and if a few people get some enjoyment out of it then that is just icing on the cake. And it gives me hope.

All these things give me hope. Also my family and friends that are always reaching out to me keeping me going in these tough times. They are my rock and they give me hope. I know two things..I know that Spring will soon be here and I will once again find something I love to do. While looking for quotes for this post I found so many good ones and just reading them filled me with HOPE! It’s out there..I hope you find it too!

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” ~ Desmond Tutu

 

02Mar/18
sunset on the beach

“Something To Believe In”

and why is everything a song title??

sunset on the beach

I Believe…

And why does everything I say sound like a song title? Maybe since there have been a bazillion songs that have been sung, there is always something that “is” a song title. This particular song title, “Something to Believe In”, was recorded by numerous bands and singers. And every single version is different. The Ramones sang a song called “Something to Believe In”…in 1986. Poison a different one in 1990 and Bon Jovi another version in 1995. There were numerous others I found on Wikipedia. I think it’s strange that each song had the same title but was about different things…to believe in.

I started thinking about this the other day…about how I needed something to believe in again. I have always been a glass half full kind of person. I always believed everything would turn out all right and the sun would come up again…tomorrow. I believed in miracles. I believed in Spring and all the beautiful flowers blooming once again after the cold brutal winter. I believed Mother Nature to be stronger than Old Man Winter and that she would come through every single year. I believed in the goodness of others and that things would somehow just work out.

Yes, I believed all of that but lately I started doubting that everything would be all right. I know life isn’t perfect and everyone has their share of times that make you just want to give up, lie in bed all day and eat chocolate. After so many things, one right after another, that have happened to me I just need something….something to make me want to grab hold of the day and embrace it. Like I used to. Before all the bad stuff. I want, I need “something to believe in..”

“Life’s like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending.” ~ Jim Henson

The other day as I was driving to meet a friend,  all of the sudden for some reason I remembered a song(yes another one) that I sang in chorus in 7th grade. We had a Spring Choral Concert and we sang, “I Believe.” I’ll never forget the performance because we got a standing ovation from all the parents and students. It was the highlight of my singing career…Which was actually only that one concert. But never the less, I can still see everyone, some with tears in their eyes clapping and cheering.

I looked the song up on Wikipedia(I use that a lot) and found out the song was first sung by a woman by the name of Jane Fromen. She asked some songwriters she knew to come up with a song that would give people hope and faith around the time of the Korean War since she felt people needed to hear something positive. She had a program on television and sang the song on her show. This was around 1953. I had never heard about her, but then I was very young at the time and I don’t even know if we had a tv yet. You really need to Google her and read her story. It’s very interesting and actually there was a movie about her life called “With a Song in my Heart,” in which she was portrayed by Susan Hayward. I find it somewhat strange and wonderful that you can be researching one thing and come up with something entirely different. Something that can give you hope…something to believe in.

Just like the song title “Something To Believe In”, “I Believe” had several different versions. The lyrics were for the most part the same but sung by different people. Frankie Lane is one of the first people to sing it after Jane Froman. I remember listening to Frankie because my parents liked him..however I don’t recall hearing him sing the song. I don’t really think I ever heard anyone sing it except me and my 7th grade chorus friends. It really is a beautiful song and just like Jane requested…it is full of hope. Here are a few of the lyrics…reading them today made me tear up a bit. I think maybe it was remembering that night so long ago and also the pure power behind the words.

“I Believe”

Lyricists: Sammy Cahn, Al Stillman
Composers: Ervin Drake, Jimmy Shirl, Irvin Graham, Jule Styne

I believe for every drop of rain that falls…a flower grows.

I believe that somewhere in the darkest night…a candle glows.

I believe for everyone who goes astray…someone will come to show the way.

I believe, I believe.

I believe above the storm the smallest prayer…Will still be heard

I believe that someone in the great somewhere…Hears every word

Every time I hear a new born baby cry…

Or touch a leaf or see the sky

I believe, I believe

Very positive and powerful words. I want to listen to it now, maybe I will listen to Elvis’ version. I needed this today. And I hope the positivity these lyrics brought stays with me. I used to believe unconditionally that everything would turn out fine. There was never a doubt in my mind that the bad spurt was short lived and good would once again return. Somehow I lost that feeling. I know bad things can happen now… I have seen and lived through so many. I think I almost started expecting them instead of the good things. But I also know I survived the worst..it can only get better. I believe better days are ahead, I believe “everything’s gonna be all right!” (another song by the way..Kenny Chesney)

“Sometimes, patience is taking a deep breath and listening to that little voice on the inside saying, “Don’t worry, everything is going to be all right.”  ~ Unknown

 

22Feb/18
looking for the perfect job

Looking For The Perfect Job…

I do know there isn’t one…but I won’t be taking any of these…

looking for the perfect job

Waiting…

After losing yet another job I signed up for unemployment until I found the “perfect job.” This is much like finding the perfect man…neither one of them exists. I have to enter 3 job contacts on a website they have every week. I have had some weird jobs come up in my searches and they make me laugh. I think to myself..really who is going to do that?? But at least they make me laugh. Some of them make me shake my head and say..what?

Here are some of the ones that I thought were funny or just that I couldn’t see myself working there and the reasons why…

Delivery driver for Pizza Hut – Really.. how do they drive around all day with pizza in their car and not eat it…

Bookseller at Barnes and Noble – Ok, I even thought…wow, this could be fun. And then remind myself…books. I love to read, I read every night before falling asleep. So could I really work at a place with all those books?? I would be sitting in the corner in the children’s area reading…or I would run up to a customer and grab a book they are looking at and say…DO NOT get this book, it’s terrible….. thinking I could quite possibly get fired the first day on the job.

Bunny at the local mall – So you are dressed up in a bunny costume with screaming kids sitting on your lap and pulling on your ears…for what…two, three weeks, 8 hours a day…um, no thanks!

Manager at Walmart – Um, no!…nuff said…

Housekeeper – Daily cleaning, making meals and maybe watching 2 year old several days a week… just no. I don’t like doing this at my own house. I know you get paid and all, but they couldn’t pay me enough to do this.

Ice Cream Scooper at local dairy – ok, I think this could be my dream job. But not sure if they would like the “one scoop for you two for me” part… I would have to get it in writing before I would start. And I really don’t care how much the job pays.

Potato Chip Tester – Ok so actually the job description is a display setter/reset specialist…at least that’s what they are calling it…I call it…all the chips I can eat and get paid to do it!

Barista at Starbucks – I actually thought of applying for this, I mean I love coffee. Supposedly they are a good company to work for. And they have coffee…lots and lots of coffee…on second thought I don’t think I could do this. I might not be able to drive home. It’s bad enough I have a Keurig and can make a cup at home whenever I want, but I have to put the little cup in and press the button and make sure enough water is in the container….and all that…at Starbucks there is always coffee brewing…Its Starbucks…Back away from the coffee…

Garden Center Helper – This could be a fun job, I love looking at plants. But I think you have to actually take care of them…if they want dead plants then by all means call me. I can look at a plant and its dead the next day. Even air ferns…

Manager at the Disney Store – Job description..”Creating Magical Moments for guests of all ages.” Its been quite a long while since I’ve created a magical moment for anyone! And I think it might be entirely too peopley there for me. Or at least too many kids.

Entertainer at Land of Little Horses – So who do I have to entertain, the horses or the people who come to see them…job description wasn’t very clear.

Specimen Collector – Yes, that kind of specimen. Really they hire a person just for this job. I thought who ever wasn’t busy comes and collects it. Guessing most people are too busy… Who wants THAT job?

Crime Scene Cleaner –  Just No!

These are some of the weird wacky jobs I’ve seen listed this week. Stay tuned, if I don’t find a job there may be more…

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” ~ Steve Jobs