Category Archives: Aging

14May/17
Mom

What Is A Mom?

 and are we still a Mom after losing a child?

Mom

Mom…what a wonderful word…

To hear your child call you Mom is the most wonderful sound in the world…unless they say it repeatedly until you want to scream. Seriously though there is nothing better in this world than being a Mom. I have been doing a lot of thinking about this with Mother’s Day being today and having lost one of my children. As people have told me, “it’s so great you have two other children.” Yes, I am so very happy I have my two wonderful daughters. But that doesn’t make up for losing one.

A friend commented the other day she was dreading Mother’s Day this year. She was a mother and a daughter, now after losing both her mother and her daughter she was neither of them. I thought about it and then told her she was still both, she “was” a mother and a daughter…but her child and Mom just resided in a different place now.

On this same note, someone recently asked me how many children I had. Before I realized it I said 3 and then stopped quickly and looked at her. She asked me what was wrong and I told her I had lost my son several months ago. I told her,  I’m sorry I don’t know what to say…. do I still say I have 3 children? Do I still have 3 kids? Do I have to clarify and say I had 3 and one passed away and now  have 2 that are living? I don’t know how to answer that question. And.. I really don’t want to.

Then there are these so called holidays…Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. They make it very difficult for people who have lost loved ones. I never really gave it much thought before I lost my Father and Mother and now my son. I am very grateful I still have my two daughters but what about those people who only had one child. Are they still a “Mom?”

“Being a Mother is not what you gave up to have a child, but what you’ve gained from having one.” ~ Unknown

The question is…are they still a “Mom?” Yes, my answer is a resounding yes! They are still our children wherever they are. I choose to believe my son is in heaven. But where ever they are, they are still our children and we are still their Mom.

It has been hard for me to celebrate these “holidays” after losing my parents. But I had children and grandchildren of my own to celebrate my day with. Now after losing my son it once again forces me to see the day is somehow different. My son won’t be buying me flowers or a beautiful card or putting in a new kitchen faucet for me this Mother’s Day. I don’t really care about any of those things no matter how wonderful and sweet they were. What I “will” miss today is the hug and him telling me how much he loved me. My son gave the best hugs in the world. I felt it all the way to my toes. He was always a hugger. I will miss those hugs forever. But I’m still his Mom.

I always see those poems about if we could spend an hour with someone you love and lost, what would you say…I wouldn’t say anything I would just ask him for a hug. I hope he is hugging my own Mom today and my sister and I hope he knows I’m still his Mom. We are still Mom’s, we love and we are loved…sometimes the person we love just doesn’t live here anymore.

“We never die…we become the sand on the beach…the waves on the sea…the voice that resonates from the seashells…we live forever in the hearts of those who remember us…” ~ Unknown