Category Archives: Aging

12Mar/19
My Beautiful Mother

Missing Mom…

it’s been 4 years this week since she’s been gone…

My Beautiful Mother

My Beautiful Mother

This week marked the 4 year anniversary of my mother’s passing and it brought up so many thoughts and memories I didn’t even realize I had. We like to think we are so different from our mothers…but are we?

My Mom has been on my mind a lot lately for a variety of reasons. One of which is that I recently came across a letter she wrote to me right after our moving to Maryland from Pennsylvania. And reading it made me cry. But it also made me understand some things a little better.

In the letter she expressed her concern for us being so far away and that she wouldn’t get to see me as often and we wouldn’t be able to go shopping together like we did when I lived in the same city as her. She told me that some day I would know how she felt and that she hoped we would still be as close as we had been before the move. Now, I only moved about an hour and a half away, so it wasn’t like I moved across the country to California or to New England like my youngest did, but she was concerned it would change our lives and our closeness. And she wanted me to know she missed me.

“Mothers are like glue. Even when you can’t see them, they’re still holding the family together.” ~ Susan Gayle

I went up there once a week and we still did our dinners and went shopping. We also did every holiday with her and Dad. They had wonderful get togethers at Christmas and picnics on Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor Day where the whole family would be at their house to celebrate. These celebrations were so important to Mom and she made them very special for everyone. I really loved spending time with my parents and the rest of the family but sometimes I just didn’t feel like going. Maybe because it was expected that I be there and maybe I just wanted to stay at the beach longer with my friends and not come back early to be at the family gathering.

And so one year I did just that, I stayed at the beach and called to say I wouldn’t be getting back for this get together. Mom was quite upset that I wasn’t coming home but I stood my ground. I didn’t go, I had fun at the beach with my friends. That Tuesday after Labor Day I got a call at work that my father had a massive coronary and died. I have never forgiven myself for not going to the Labor Day family gathering that year. The last one we ever had.

We all make choices that don’t work out or we feel were a mistake at the time. And this is one I regret. Not only that my father died and I missed seeing him one last time, but how much I had let my mother down by not coming home. Our parents are only here for part of our lives. Some people get to have them longer than others. But the point is, they won’t be here forever so if they ask something of us, maybe we should do that thing for them. And if you are lucky enough to still have yours, spend time with them as often as you can and tell them you love them.

I also had to call my mother every night at 11pm. Every night without fail. She would call me if I didn’t and I would be in big trouble. It was just something we did. She did it with her mother and we had to do it too. I had moved out of our home so I didn’t see her anymore on a daily basis. And I would be somewhere and think OMG, it’s 11:00 I have to call Mom. I get it now…why she wanted me to call. I was 15, 3 months shy of 16 and I was a kid. She missed me and she wanted to be part of my daily life. I didn’t get that then. It was just another thing I “had” to do!

All of these things I ‘had’ to do…and I would do them all now in a heartbeat if I could. But I can’t.  I still love to shop and go with my daughters and grand kids. But I would give anything to go shopping with Mom. I do blame her quite frequently for my shopping habits. It’s all her fault that I buy the things I do. At least that is what I tell myself.

Love you and miss you Mom! Talk to you later…

“The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.” ~ Honore de Balzac

17Jan/19

What I Want This Year…

my word for this year is Serenity…

Calm, quiet and serene…

My word for 2019 is “serenity”… to me it means calm, quiet and peaceful, and when I googled it…it said, “noun..the state of being calm, peaceful, and serene.” I need to feel this. I need to feel peaceful.  I have been feeling anxious quite a bit lately and that is so not like me. I usually do not dwell on things or let the small things bother me. My motto has always been to not worry about things that “could” happen. But now I seem to worry about everything and anything.

I over think and dwell on the “what ifs.” I have never been that person before so I don’t know how to deal with this. I was always the person who told others when they would be worried about something…”when you are 90 and sitting in your rocker on the porch, will this even matter”.. I think that is a good barometer for testing whether it is truly something you should worry about or leave it go. But evidently I don’t listen to myself anymore. At least not the self that gives me good advice.

Worrying has never solved one single problem. I know that to be a fact, my brain knows it, my heart knows it…so why can’t I stop? I’ve thought about this for quite a while and told myself, this isn’t you, why are you doing this? What changed to make you be like this? The simple answer and the only one I can come up with…my son died. If that can happen…anything can happen.

“Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm.” ~ Unknown

I’m not sure if my son’s untimely death is totally to blame, but it surely plays a part in my new way of looking at life. I never expected to lose a child, much less to suicide, so if this can happen…anything can happen. Bad things “can” happen. Any time, to anyone!

That makes me anxious! That makes me worry. I worry about my daughters, I worry about my grandchildren, I worry about my friends. If I text someone and they dont text back, I immediately think something bad has happened to them….they must be lying in a ditch by the side of the road somewhere. I know this is crazy and I know my family and friends think I’m crazy but I cant help it. I care…I worry!

My house is a constant source of worry also. Having been built in 1892 there is always something going wrong, something to worry about. My son could fix everything and did. Now I have to find someone to fix things. I have over time found people and there have been many good friends that have helped with this. But it is still a constant source of worry. And one I need to figure out.  It’s easy to find people to fix “things”…I wish I could find someone to fix me!

”Serenity is knowing that your worst shot is still pretty good.” ~ Johnny Miller

So dear family and friends, if I annoy you with my questions and worry please forgive me. I care about you. I don’t want to lose you. My hope is that 2019 will bring me what I need. I walk everyday and have started walking further and faster. It brings me a sense of peace and clears my mind. Maybe I should be like Forrest Gump and just keep walking…walking until I finally find peace of mind!

And now you know the reasons behind my word of the year. I need to feel calm. I need to feel peace. I need to feel serene…

”Don’t underestimate the power of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself to deliver peace and serenity.” ~ Charles F Glassman

13Dec/18
Kindness rocks

I’m How Old?!?

and how did this happen…

Kindness rocks

Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle!

This past week I turned 69! Yes, you heard me…69! Next year, 2019 will be the big 7 OH! I just have to say, thank goodness the Today Show just announced this morning that 70 is the new 40! Whew! What timing! I am so relieved to hear this…

I think us “Old People” are in much better shape at this age than our ancestors were. We exercise and take better care of ourselves. I never saw any of my grandparents exercise. Ever! But my longest living grandparent who lived well into his 90’s was always active and in fact the day he passed he was mowing the grass!

My grands never quite knew my age and last week we were chatting about that while FaceTiming on my birthday. The youngest asked me how old I was and I asked him, how old do you think I am? He said, “54” To which I replied…. “you were always my favorite kid!” Then the 16 year old gets on and says it wasn’t till about a year ago till I finally knew how old you really were or how old you weren’t! He says, “so how old are you really?” I asked him why he said it like that and he replies…”well, once I asked you how old you were and you said how old do you think and I answered 50 and you said that’s good! So I always thought that was right!” And I replied, so what’s your point? He said I want to know! I said..69! To which he replies, you sure don’t look or act like it! ….I took that as a compliment!

“Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.”~ Luis Bunuel

I really beleive age is just a number and wish we didn’t focus so much on that number. Why are we so caught up in the whole…”how old are you” thing? Our focus shouldn’t be on the number, it should be how we feel inside. I still feel like that little 12 year old girl who had a dream of being a writer. I can still see myself sitting at my fathers desk writing my novel. I can feel it like it was yesterday. I’m not sure what I do now is worthy of being called…a writer. But I do write!

I have to be honest and say I haven’t been doing a lot of it lately. I’m not even sure why. But I promise I plan to do a lot more of it in the coming year! I have been focused on some changes that I want/need to make next year and that has taken up so much thought and so much energy, I haven’t had much left for anything else.

You know it’s funny or…maybe sad that I know some people in their 40’s who are “old” and some in their 80’s who are “young.” I’m not sure how that happens or why but I want to be one of the latter. So let’s not put labels on us “older” folks. Let us try to focus on the person inside!

”Age is a matter of feeling…not of years.” ~ George William Curtis

Honestly, I have to say I have never lied about my age! Well…maybe a few times when I was under 21 and wanted to get in the bar and have a few drinks…but that’s another story. I’m proud I made it this long and proud of what I can still do at this age. Ok, there have been a few times lately when my body is saying, you can’t do that…to which I reply…Just watch me!

I come from some good stock and good genes! I take care of myself, walk every day, exercise, take vitamins and apple cider vinegar every single morning. I can also do a 2 minute plank, which makes my #2 grandson very proud!

So here’s the deal! I am not a number! You are not a number! Let’s be the best we can be and not let age define us! Onto 2019 and the big Seven O! Bring it on!

”Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.” ~ Booth Tarkington

What are your thoughts? Do you let your age define you?

 

 

21Nov/18
Clouds

Thankfully…

and today I am so very thankful…

Clouds

I’m thankful for seeing the beauty in nature..

I haven’t been writing very often, maybe once or twice a month. I just can’t come up with anything worth writing. I have things in my head and then I think, no…no one wants to hear this. So with tomorrow being Thanksgiving, I decided to do a post about what I am thankful for right now.

I am thankful for my family, my daughters, my grandchildren, my nieces and cousins. I am blessed to still have some family and I love and treasure every moment I have with them. We never know when life will throw us a curve ball and we won’t have these people, so spend time with them, love them, and tell them you love them.

I am thankful for my friends. I can’t say enough about the wonderful people in my life who I call my friends. They are really more like family to me, that is how much I care about them. They have gotten me through the darkest days of my life and are still by my side. I’m not sure it is easy to be my friend, so believe me when I say these people deserve some kind of award.

”When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself.” ~ Tecumseh

I am thankful for my health. I am thankful that I can get up every morning and walk down the stairs. I know there are people out there that can not do that and I don’t take it lightly that I can. I try to stay healthy and exercise. I even eat pretty healthy for the most part. But if some ice cream happens to find its way into the freezer and I eat it, I don’t let it make me feel guilty. Much like what I posted earlier…we dont know how long we have on this earth and I don’t want to die one morning knowing I deprived myself of ice cream the night before.

I am thankful for each and every day I wake up. I give thanks the first thing every morning that I am blessed to wake up another day.

I am thankful that for the first time in like 20 years I don’t have to work Black Friday…in retail! You dont know how thankful I am for this. I used to love working that day, it was so busy the time passed very quickly and people were nice. That is no longer the case. Most people are in such a hurry and are not very nice to the people that wait on them. So, to all of you in retail….may the gods of Black Friday be with you!

”Strive to find things to be thankful for, and just look for the good in who you are!”~ Bethany Hamilton

I am thankful for the beauty of nature. I love looking at the sky and finding things in the clouds that make me happy. My grandchildren love doing this as well and I love that they do. Sometimes they make fun of me since they are getting older but then one will say, “hey look, that cloud looks like a dinosaur.”

I am thankful for coffee! It gets me going and helps me cope… the same can be said for wine! And…ice cream!

I am thankful for the days when I walk into another room and remember why I walked in there. Believe me when I say these day are few and far between!

I am thankful for people who make me laugh! Laughing out loud until I cry is one of my favorite things and I am grateful for the people who make me do that!

And finally I am grateful for the people who read my blog and comment! And tell me they miss my posts. Thank you all!

”In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” ~ Albert Schweitzer

Be that person who rekindles another persons inner spirit!

 

29Aug/18
beach

Where Did The Summer Go??

and can we get a redo…

beach

my happy place…

This has been one of the shortest summers of my life. And then factoring in all the rainy days we had, one after another…I think we need..no deserve, a redo. Maybe a 3 month, 75 degrees and sunshine redo! What about you?

I’ve been thinking about how short this summer felt and have heard others say the same thing. And it started me thinking as to why the years seem to go by so fast now as compared to when I was a teen. The summers seemed to last forever and even the whole year seemed longer than the ones today. It seemed like 10 years would go by from one birthday till the next. Of course that was when I was excited to have a birthday and couldn’t wait for it to come each and every year. Now, not so much! Although I must say I am happy to be around to even have another birthday..

I remember Mom saying how fast the years were going by as she got older. I never really understood that until recently…as my days always seemed endless. Working and raising three kids at the time made my days very very long and tiring. However looking back on it all now it seems like it happened in the blink of an eye. Do the days truly go by faster as we age or does it just feel that way? And why does it feel that way? And can we stop it?

When we were kids each day was new and exciting, something different, even if it wasn’t a good thing, was happening in our lives. Our new friends at school, our first date, our first kiss….getting married, having kids of our own. All of these things made our lives so busy and full. As we age we tend to do the same things over and over. We go to work, we come home, eat dinner, go to bed and do it all over again the next day. Day after day after day… We stop having new experiences and life just goes by faster and faster.

We get to a point in our lives that we settle. And at first glance that feels like a good thing after all those years of doing too much. But is it? We go to the same places, we eat at the same restaurants, we do the same things. We fall into routines and it feels comfortable and we think..yes, this is what I want. But is it?

It would seem like all those routines we have would make everything perfect. But it doesn’t. The more routines we have the faster the time goes. And think about this, when we are 12, a year is a big percentage of our life, but when we are 60 or more…a year is just a blip on the screen of life. So what can we do to change this? How do we slow things down at this point in our lives?

The answer is simple…visit new places, do something new every day..something you’ve never done before…eat new foods..take a class, start a new business..one you love and that wont feel like work. Be more present in your life! Be in the moment! Enjoy life! Try not to live in the past or dwell on it…yes memories are good but think about them and then move on. Don’t try and figure out what the future holds. It will happen regardless of us stressing about it. Be mindful and meditate. Get out in nature and just “be!”

And so my friends,the answer is…yes! Yes we can make the world slow down. Our world….

“How did it get late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon? ~ Dr Seuss 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13Aug/18
kitty sleeping

I’m Tired…

not really the sleepy kind of tired…just tired!

kitty sleeping

I’m tired too…

There are so many things I’m tired of lately, so I decided to write them all down and then burn it..maybe it will make all the things I’m tired of go away…most likely it won’t but it will make me feel better to get it all out. Writing does that for me thankfully!

Ok, so here’s what I’m tired of…

The constant nonstop continuous RAIN… it has been raining here for at least a million days now…ok, maybe not a million but close..on a good note…my ark is almost complete. I have a question about this though..why in this day and age hasn’t someone, NASA, Richard Branson, that Musk guy…someone..anyone.. come up with a way to make this constant rain change its pattern and go west where they need it to  go and put out the fires….WHY?

Bad things happening to people I love… So many of my friends and family have had bad things happening to them lately. Divorce issues, illness, being in the hospital, a death in the family, expensive problems with their homes, car accidents, just to name a few…and this was all in the last week. Is it asking to much to go a day without something bad happening to someone I care about? Evidently it is!

The ants in my computer…yes, you read this right! I have ants coming out of my computer. I think they have built a nest and are living in there. One day I counted close to 30 coming out. I googled “ants in my computer” and thankfully I am not the only one. Someone posted, “it’s like the ants have a night club in my computer.” I need to take it in to the Apple techs, but my grandson said they will laugh me out of the place.

Rain…

Gardening… I seriously hate to garden now. I used to love it and enjoyed my time working with the flowers and keeping the weeds out. No more. The Virginia Creeper vine moved into Maryland and has taken over my garden and my house as well. I have had 3 different landscape people here dig it out and its back in full force. So I’m done..it can have my garden and my house!

Mean People… Why is everyone so mean and full of hate? When someone bumps into you now in a store or on the street they can’t even say, Sorry. Cause of course, it’s not their fault, it’s your fault for standing there. Could we just have some peace and love in the world again? Kumbaya!

GIFS and Emoticons… Ok, they are sometimes funny and yes, they have a time and a place and I have even sent them or commented with one a time or two myself…however, do you have to constantly use them instead of words….use your words people..nice words!

Rain…

Thinking about what to make for dinner… I’ve been making dinners for over 50 years now. I’m tired of thinking about it, maybe if someone would just make me a monthly menu I could just make the things they have on it.  Nah…I’m tired of making it as well as thinking of what to make….

Drug company ads on TV… I really am tired of this one. I would vote that they can not advertise on TV anymore. Does anyone ever look at one of these ads and immediately call their doctor and say, “hey, I just saw this wonderful drug on TV and I want it.” Maybe they do…but then next year they will be part of the class action suit against said drug….

Spam Emails…. I have unsubscribed and blocked and sent to junk mail a million emails and the next day I get the same one I got the day before. Why do I keep getting Victoria’s Secret emails? I haven’t fit in a VS bra or panty in 10 years, maybe 20….and what, pray tell, is her damn secret?

Rain…

My Itchy Skin… I don’t know if its the humid weather or heat but my skin has been the itchiest it has ever been. I think I have “prickly heat”, you know the stuff babies get… It gets to the point I could scratch it raw. I use baking soda powder, ointments, essential oils…all of which work…but nothing works for long.

The house I live in being haunted…ok, most of you that know me already think i’m crazy so what’s one more thing going to do. I think my house is haunted. I really do. I’ve have thought this from the day I moved in. And the person/people haunting it do not like me. They don’t hurt me physically but they make bad things happen. The house was built in 1892 so I’m sure some awful things have happened here and maybe a few angry souls are still floating about. I’m thinking of selling it…and the ghosts along with it!

Oh my, there are so many other things I’m tired of.. the every day tedious chores, the constant need for things to be fixed, doing wash, sweeping the floors, cleaning the stinkin bathroom…doing my hair, my nails, flossing my teeth, LOL..Yes, I am tired of it all…but I’m also blessed to still be here on this earth and lucky to have my health, family and friends. What are you tired of?

“I’m so tired of being tired. Sure as night will follow day most things I worry about will never happen anyway.” ~ Tom Petty

 

26Jul/18
neighborhood kids

I Miss That…

I really miss these things..

neighborhood kids

The neighborhood kids…and me..and their dog..

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately…I miss so many things from my child hood. Does everyone get to this point as they grow older or is it just me and the fact I have so little left from my childhood it makes me melancholy? Or is it summer? I loved summer when I was growing up. All the neighborhood kids would gather at our house…we had a pool. Not a big pool, but we were the only ones with a pool, so everyone came to our house. I miss so many things from the past and they keep seeping into the corners of my mind. Here are a few of the things I miss.

I miss when people were nice to each other. I miss when you walked down the street and people said hi to you. They didn’t look at you like you were crazy or act like they might hit you or even worse, totally ignore you. And I live in a small town.

I miss shopping downtown. Every Friday night we went downtown to shop. The sidewalks and stores were packed with people and even if we didn’t buy anything we had a wonderful time. I especially loved the 5 &10. And eating grilled cheese and fries at the snack bar..and a coke of course….a fountain coke.

I miss family dinners when everyone ate at the same time and we talked about our day. No one had an electronic device or a phone… we actually communicated with each other over our delicious home made meal.

I miss going to bed at night with my transistor radio pressed to my ear… Listening to great stations with a real live person talking. Wonderful music was playing and I knew the word to every song and knew the name of the person or group singing the song.

I miss when you knew all of your neighbors and they would help each other and watch out for each others kids. They would yell at you if you did something wrong and the parent of the child didn’t get mad at them, they would actually be glad they did it.

“Memory…is the diary that we all carry about with us.” ~ Oscar Wilde

I miss not having a care in the world…knowing my parents were taking care of everything and I didn’t have to pay bills or get the roof fixed if it leaked. I miss my parents always being there if I needed them.

I miss the simplicity of the world back when I was growing up. Yes, there were problems back then too, but we didn’t stop talking to our family members or friends if they felt differently about something then we did. We had respect for each others thoughts and feelings.

I miss the closeness of family. I miss going to my grandparents house every Sunday night and the whole family would be there. All my aunts, uncles and cousins…we all lived in the same town and we saw each other every week.

I miss sleeping in the same room with my sister and telling her all kinds of stories and  maybe even scaring her…just a little.  I miss the absolute trust she had in me. No one has ever had that same trust in me that she had.

I miss the warm days of summer when I as grown woman would set up the small pool in my own back yard and my children would run through the sprinkler with their friends. The sound of their laughter echoing through the neighborhood. I can still  smell the Coppertone and grilled hot dogs and it weighs heavy in my heart.

Times change, we change, we grow older, people move away and sadly we lose people. We took things for granted when we were young and thought they would aways remain the same. We were innocent and we were a little bit stupid. I wish I would have known then how much things would change. I would have done so many things differently and would have told people how much I cherished them while they were still here. So my advice is this…Live life fully, Love deeply, and enjoy each and every moment with family and friends. Most of all..be kind!

“Our memories are gifts that show us life even through the toughest times is worth living.” ~ Chrissie Penney

 

 

18Jun/18
children being kind

What Happened To Kindness??

seriously where did it go, cause I don’t see it anymore…

children being kind

let’s be like these little kids…kind!

I remember back when I was a child people seemed much kinder. Was that really the way it was or is it all in my imagination? Were they really nicer then? Where did it go? Why are people so self absorbed that they don’t even notice you walking by them?

People would say hello and tip their hat to each other…of course if you didn’t have a hat you couldn’t do that…but you know what I mean. If you were going in a place of business and someone was coming out, you didn’t even have to bother getting the door. There was always some kind soul to hold it for you. It most likely didn’t even get acknowledged, because it was the rule and just expected. If you were driving and  coming off a ramp people would pull over to allow you onto the highway. Now you are lucky if you don’t get run off the side of the road trying to merge into traffic. And by any chance you manage to get on the road, you will most likely be greeted by a horn blasting at you or the much loved middle finger salute.

Gone are the days of people caring about others..it is everyone out for themselves. Now it’s all about “me”… I have given this a lot of thought and have tried to figure it out. It has gotten continually worse and I know some blame it on the current administration, but in my book it started way before that. Having worked retail or with the public, I always enjoyed watching people and how they interact and react to situations and other people. And I must say that over my many years dealing with them, the consumer has gotten a bit nasty. Some more than a bit! It is as if the “common” retail worker is beneath them and they hold some kind of contempt for anyone working “behind a counter.” Is it their way of “getting back” at someone else for the way they have been treated..or not treated?

“Kindness is a gift everyone can afford to give.” ~ Unknown

I have often thought it would be interesting, (if not dangerous) to take one of these people who have been mean or run you off the road aside and asked them what made them do this… Would they even be aware they did it? When you look at them, really look at them, they look totally distracted. Many are on their phones…talking, texting. Some of them have kids in the car or walking along side of them and they are doing the same thing. Are we really that busy and distracted these days that we are totally unaware we are hurting someone’s feelings? Do we care? What has happened to us? Why are we so mean? Where did the kindness go?

I know if you notice something and focus on it you will see more of that..so I try to focus on the good things I see. I really do. There just are not a whole lot of “good things” happening these days. However having said that, if I do see someone doing something good or being kind…I try to let the person I see doing it, know that I saw it and thank them. You would be amazed how they light up and smile! I was recently going into a store and wasn’t even close to the door yet. A young man came out, saw me, stopped and waited until I got there…. and then he held the door open for me. I turned toward him as I walked through the door and told him what a wonderful young man he was and thanked him. His face lit up and he smiled the biggest smile and thanked me back. I think his day was made as was mine! It doesn’t take much to be kind…

So if being kind isn’t hard… why don’t we do it more often? What are we afraid of? Maybe if we start noticing people doing good things and being kind…and we acknowledge them doing it, we will start a movement. Honestly, it could happen! I try to find something good everyday…even if it is something so small no one else would even notice it. I post a “good story” on my Facebook page each and every day. Some days it takes me hours to find one, but I do! There is still good and kindness in this world, we just need to see it, and acknowledge it. And pay it forward when it happens. And if we don’t see the good, we need to be the good!

Spread a little kindness today!

“Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly, and most wonderful underrated agent of human change.” ~ Bob Kerrey

 

25May/18
stuck

Are You Stuck?

I think I am..no, I know I am…

stuck

help me, I’m stuck….

I woke up early this morning due to the sun shining brightly in my eyes…this time of the year the sun comes bursting in my room earlier and earlier and tricks me into thinking its time to get up. But I don’t want to get up, I want to sleep. I want to sleep so I don’t have to think. Because then I have to make decisions about my life and my future and I’m having trouble doing that. I try desperately for a half hour to go back to sleep but the sun is shining and the thoughts keep coming. So I just get up.

There are so many decisions to be made and I wish someone else could just make them for me. I don’t want to make anymore decisions. I’m 68, shouldn’t my decision making days be over…guess not! And so having said that…I still have to make some. Where am I going to live? What am I going to do to make money to live where I want to live? Do I wait or do I put the house on the market now? What am I waiting for? What do I really want to do with the next 20 good years I have left? I think I know the answers to these questions…I think I have it all figured out and then..poof…I don’t. I start to doubt myself and what I want. How do I know its what I really want? How do I know I should do what my soul is telling me to do? Is that even practical? Do I have to be practical? I have to make some decisions….but…I can’t! How do I stop being “stuck”…

I always post quotes about whatever subject I am blogging about and when I searched today for some, so many came up that spoke to me I decided to share them with you. We all have times when we are just “stuck”…maybe these will help.

Top Ten Quotes About Being Stuck

1. “You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.” ~ Wayne W. Dyer

2. “Growth is painful…Change is painful…But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” ~ Mandy Hale

3. “The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.” ~ Ellen Glasgow

4. “But there was a difference between being stuck and choosing to stay. Between being found and finding yourself.” ~ Martina Boone

5. “Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, and all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome.” ~ Unknown

6. “Now when she felt stuck, she would just remind herself that in life you often have to take one step back in order to move forward.” ~ Queenisms

7. “I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the earth. Then I ask myself the same question.” ~ Haran Yahya

8. “Whenever I have found myself stuck in the ways I relate to things, I return to nature. It’s my principal teacher, and I try to open my whole being to what it has to say.” ~ Wayne Bullock

9. “One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up, instead of what they have to gain.” ~ Rick Godwin

10. “Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.” ~ John Wayne

All of these quotes are great and really struck a cord in one way or another. The “return to nature” quote is something I try to do often and I get most of my best ideas and thoughts when I do this. It was on the beach in the Outer Banks last month that I heard the voice speak to me and tell me this is where I needed to be. Sometimes you know where you want to be, you just don’t know how to get there….

I saw this quote below and while it didn’t really speak to the issues at hand, it did speak to me…

“My worst nightmare is being stuck somewhere with nothing to read.” ~ Barbara Kingsolver  (Me too Barbara, me too!)

 

09May/18
the right move

How Do We Know If It’s The Right Move?

“should I stay or should I go…” credit, The Clash

the right move

which move is the right move…

How do we ever really know if we’re making the “right” decision? And whose logic do we use to judge that the decision is actually the “right” one? I have some decisions to make and all of the sudden I can’t make one. I never had this problem before. I’ve made earth shattering decisions without even a thought. I left my husband, took my three kids and got a new place to live and a new job. I didn’t stop to think if it would work out. I just did it. And somehow it all worked out. I used to “fly by the seat of my pants” and now I can’t make a simple decision.

I have been thinking about moving to the beach. I have loved it since I was a little girl and always thought about living there one day. I recently spent a week in The Outer Banks and as I sat by myself on the beach watching the tide go in and out, a voice from somewhere deep inside spoke to me. It gently whispered… This…this is what you need…you need to be living at the beach. I had never felt anything as strongly as I did in that brief moment… I walked on the beach every morning and every night that week. And each time I did, the voice was there … just waiting for my return. I felt it deep within my soul. I had never experienced anything like this before in all my years of going to the beach. And at the end of the week It was hard for me to leave, it always is…but this time my heart ached and I felt the voice pulling me back. I really just wanted to stay there forever.

I want to go but I can’t just sell my house and move to the beach and not worry about the consequences…Can I? Why not? My head says I can’t, my heart says I can! I’ve been on my own for most of my life. Making my own decisions..right or wrong. I got married at 15, had my first child at 16…got divorced and raised three kids, for the most part by myself. I moved away from the town I grew up in and started a new life in Maryland when I was in my late 30’s with my boyfriend. I only knew one person at the time I moved there. I didn’t even stop to think about it…I just did it. And it turned out to be the best decision I ever made.

What guidelines should we use to make a huge decision like this? Are there any? I’m 68 years old…I have a good maybe 20 some years left on this planet, shouldn’t I be living in a place I love in those last years? But…what if..what if I get sick? What if, I am not happy there..Yeah, right! The what ifs and whys are always in the back of our mind when we make any decision. But “what if” we listened to our heart and not our brain? Like I said, I’m 68, I’ve survived a lot and I am still here. Maybe the question to ask myself is… what is the worst that can happen? Maybe I would hate it and move back to Maryland…is that the worst thing?

“You know you have made the right choice when there is peace in your heart.” ~ Unknown

People ask me for advice all the time. Really.. lots of friends and family members ask for my advice on things for some reason. And I think I am pretty good at giving advice…to others. So ok…let me take a step back and think about this, what advice would I give a friend if they asked me this question…”What do you think I should do… I really love the beach, should I sell my house and move to the beach?” I know my answer would be..Yes, of course…why are you still sitting here? Call the realtor. Start packing. Life is short, we need to enjoy each and every moment. And if that moment is at the beach, then that is where you should be.

Yep, that is the advice I would give my friend. I would say that and not feel one bit of remorse or worry that I had given them the wrong advice. Life IS short. It’s over in a blink of an eye. Why shouldn’t we be living somewhere we love? Why shouldn’t we do something that makes us happy? If all that is true and it is… why is it so hard for me to take my own advice? I don’t know why.. But there is one other piece of advice that I readily give to friends and maybe this one is the best of all in this situation… I always say, when you are 90 and sitting on your front porch in your rocking chair, will this little thing that you are worried about right now even matter? Will you be sitting there saying I am happy and so glad I took all the roads I took in life or will you say I really wish I had taken that one road I didn’t take…

As I have mentioned before my writing helps me…it helps me to get things out of my head and down on paper..And this time is no different. I think I need to go. I think I need to do this. I could rent for a year and see if it is really something I enjoy and if it isn’t..then what…oh well… as Scarlet said…“I’ll think about that tomorrow.” 

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.” ~ Dr Seuss

Dr Seuss always has the answers to every question. What do you think? Would you make a life change in your late 60’s?