first and foremost…no one has asked…but still.
Ok, before all the married people get offended I want to say this…I know and am personally friends with quite a few couples who have been married forever and are very happy. There are happy marriages. I’ve seen them and they are a wonderful thing. People do have them. I however am not one of those people. I was married once (ok twice to the same person so it really doesn’t count). I’ve been there, done that, have the shredded tee shirt. It is a lovely thing if you can pull it off, but many couples in todays world can’t or don’t even want to try.
Why did our parents and grandparents stay together and couples these days can’t? Was is just because they thought they had to? That society or their church would frown upon them getting divorced? I don’t know but I do know I was the first one in my family to get divorced and I was scared to death to tell my parents.They were very understanding and said if you aren’t happy then by all means you shouldn’t stay in the marriage.
I did have one long term relationship after the marriage and that lasted 10 years. But we didn’t get married. I felt deep inside that I would never get married again and I needed to be honest and true to myself that I really was happier being single. I think I learned a lesson in my early marriage and it taught me who I was and I never wanted to lose that person again.
“if you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.” ~ Katherine Hepburn
I have talked a little about why I’m not married and never will be again but here are “10 reasons why I am not married.”
1. I really like sleeping by myself – I do, I admit it, I love sleeping by myself. I like having the whole bed to myself and have been doing it for so long now I don’t think I could ever sleep with someone again. Well I mean like really “sleep” with someone. All night.
2. I don’t want to Mother anyone except my kids – I have done this in past relationships, I have become their “mother”. I have to do their wash, cook them meals and find stuff for them they can’t find like their keys, etc…I have enough trouble finding my own keys…I have kids, I don’t need anymore.
3. I don’t want to feel lonely – Honestly there were many times I felt lonelier in my marriage and relationships then I do being single. I have friends and family and I am always busy doing something. That wasn’t always the case when I was married,
4. I don’t want to ask permission to do something – I know it is just being polite to ask if they mind if I go somewhere or get together with friends and don’t include them…but I don’t want to have to ask. I just want to do something when I want to do it. I’m a grown up and I should be able to do what I want when I want. And OMG, even if they say they don’t mind but you know they do because they get all whiny and depressed and say…”oh, you are still going to dinner with her tonight?” Um, yes, yes I am…
5. I don’t need someone to “complete” me – Hey I liked “Jerry Maguire” as well as the next person, in fact I loved that movie….but I don’t need anyone to complete me I don’t need to have someone to feel whole. I am pretty damn whole all by myself,
6. I don’t want to lose my friends – Honestly I have more friends now that I am not married than when I was. Maybe the fact that my ex was a sh*t had something to do with it, But I think when you are married you tend to spend time with the person you are married to and some times friendships get cast aside. You don’t mean to but it happens. I love my friends and want to keep them. All of them.
7. I don’t need to be married to have sex – It would be nice if I was indeed having said sex but my point being you don’t need to be married to do it. In fact sometimes the sex gets old and you just do it to do it and get it out of the way because you have done it for months. And you wind up feeling worse than before you did it. So I would rather not. And by the way, you don’t even need a man to have sex….
8. I don’t want to “obey” someone – Really why is that word even still in the marriage vows in this day and age? I tried doing it and I really did “obey” my husband for a while and then I didn’t. When i stopped obeying him is when we started having problems.
9. I don’t believe in fairy tales anymore – Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s we were all led astray by the books we read and movies we saw. You know the ones where Prince Charming came riding up on his white horse, whisked us away and we “lived happily ever after.” Yeah, like that happens. And actually do we even want that to happen? Well ok, maybe for a day..or night…
10. And I really don’t like the whole “in sickness and in health” thing – Yeah, that whole thing doesn’t work for me. If a man gets sick with a cold, he is dying. I had 3 children naturally so believe me when I say I can’t stand a wimpy, whiny man with a cold. Get over it. I am not here on this earth to be a nurse to you. If I wanted to be a nurse I would have gotten a degree in nursing and been paid for it.
This concludes my list of reasons why I’m not married. I do have more but will save them for another day. I end as usual with a question and a quote. If you are not married and chose not to be, what are some of your reasons?
“There are some who want to get married and others who don’t. I have never had an impulse to go to the altar. I’m a difficult person to lead.” ~ Greta Garbo