have your back

I’ve Got Your Back…But…

do you have mine…

have your back

got your back girl….

Why in this day and age do we still look to bring other women down instead of lifting them up? I ask myself this this several times a day…really I do. Especially when I am on FB. I don’t even read comments anymore because you just know when it is a picture of a woman, someone is going to make a nasty comment. What is this? Why do women feel the need to comment on another woman’s appearance? It saddens me that we are so unsupportive of other women…even to the point of making fun of them.

I am not saying I have never done this. And now as I write this I am ashamed of myself. Who among us hasn’t said, “what was she thinking…why did she wear that outfit?” It seemed so harmless at the time, but now I know it was part of a larger problem we have today. One where we as women don’t support other women. We not only don’t support them we try to make them feel less.

Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for us to lift up another woman rather than put her down? It seems we do this more now that ever before. Its it due to social media and the fact we an hide behind our computer screens and say hurtful things to each other and no one knows our true identity? Is that it? Who knows… But we know…we know deep inside this isn’t right and that it is very hurtful. It says more about us women saying these things to another than the one in the picture.

I just left a job I loved for almost 20 years last week. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t stand the drama and the back stabbing one more day… the whispering behind the backs of others and then turning around and telling the other person what was just said about them. I felt like I was back in high school or better yet, elementary school… I don’t want to see or hear that anymore. I don’t want to feel those feelings. I’m done. I have lost so many people in my life than I ever thought I would at this point and I can’t bear all the meanness and spitefulness. It hurts my soul. I want and need to be around people who lift me up…

We need to be there for each other, now more than ever before. I give thanks every day for all of the wonderful women in my life who are truly there for me and who do lift me up. They are there for me when I need them and their support is never ending. They are the the true warriors…these women are strong and not afraid of being strong. Those that put others down are weak and need to do that in order to feel more alive and to actually feel something.

“Strong people don’t put others down, they lift them up.” ~ Michael P. Watson

Has this gotten worse lately or is it just me? Why don’t we support instead of compete? Life should not be a competition. We were not meant to compete with each other. We certainly didn’t learn this from our mothers….at least I know I didn’t. We were taught to love one another. My grandfather was a Sunday School teacher. We were taught love. Always. When we tear one woman down we tear our whole gender down.

I don’t see men doing this. Men for the most part are strong and don’t have to put another man down to make themselves feel more like a man. Are they more secure in their worth than we are? I really hate to think this is the case. We women doubt ourselves constantly. Did we do the right thing? Am I skinny enough? Am I good enough? Does everyone like me? I don’t think men care if everyone likes them. Why do we?

If it’s self doubt that makes us be nasty to each other then we really need to look at ourselves and what we are telling ourselves..We need to look at how we are treating other women and most of all… how we treat our self! I have also read that it is jealousy that makes us do this. I don’t think so. Of course it may be in some cases but for the most part I think it’s that little voice inside our heads telling us we aren’t good enough and we need to make someone else feel small in order to make ourselves feel better.

I think life is hard enough…we don’t need to make it any harder. We need to lift each other up and give support to other women. Let’s start today. Let’s tell another woman she looks beautiful. Let’s tell one she has a pretty smile. Let’s say you are enough to that single mom struggling with her job and 3 kids. Like I said, life truly “is” hard enough! Let’s try to make it better. Let’s start building other women up instead of putting them down.

I truly hope this younger generation of girls will not do this and I am doing everything in my power to see that my young grand daughter knows how to treat other girls. When I hear her talk about friends at school..I think she gets it! I know she looks to me for guidance and I know I am not without guilt here. But starting today I will try to do better. I will try to put myself in the others place and think what would I want to hear. It might not happen over night, but I will do better. I think I can. I think we all can!

“When women support each other, incredible things happen.” ~ UnknownI

27 thoughts on “I’ve Got Your Back…But…

  1. As a guy, I really do not have those types of experiences. I feel sorry for those who are victimized by these people. Guys usually speak their minds directly to people they have issues with. Whether that is good or bad time will tell.

  2. I agree, maybe part of it is maturity. I too can’t believe the rude and mean comments people make on facebook, do they talk like that in person. It makes me concerned for the future. If everyone was brought up to know better than I wonder who raised these people that are so rude and judgmental. I do know not everyone is like that, thank goodness. I do think all the marketing that is out there and has been for years telling women how they can be prettier, or skinnier or smarter etc.. has contributed to this problem. Hoping awareness will change this culture.

    1. So true Mary…and also social media which allows people to say mean things to each other…hope this younger generation can change that…

  3. I suspect women have torn each other down for years- social media just makes it more obvious and more “out there”. In my early 50’s childhood it may have been done by two women talking over coffee, or a group of women playing Mah Jongg – and that table in that kitchen is probably as far as the catty chatter went. Now, it goes out to millions at the click of a mouse or a finger on a smartphone screen. It was sad then and it is sad now. Maybe it didn’t happen as much back when women spent much of their lives just trying to survive and needed each other more. Just a guess.

    1. Alana, you could be right, but I don’t remember hearing my mom or the women in the neighborhood talking about other women…my mom did all the neighbors hair and you know how some talk when they get their hair done…but I never heard any of that…this was in the 50’s and 60’s…I don’t remember me and my friends doing it either…maybe once or twice…a “why is she wearing that?” but that was about it…we had too much to occupy our time back then..as you said…trying to survive…maybe women don’t now??

  4. Yes, there is some weakness in us that can cause us to be, as they say, catty. But I think more and more we realize that doing that breaks down community. And in order for all of us to succeed, we
    need to support one another. Great post.

    1. Thank you Beth and yes you are right! I hope we can all rise above this soon…and lift other women up..

  5. I just finished quoting my favourite person on another blog today. It seems appropriate here as well:
    The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.
    I would add one more: We need women who are graciousness.
    Let’s life each other.
    Love this , Renee!

  6. I think this is improving on a more personal level, but we’ve got a long way to go. It takes real self-awareness, good self-esteem and compassion not to trash other people to try to feel better about yourself.

    1. Shari…glad it is improving for you…I feel like it has gotten worse…I hope we can do better! Thank you for commenting..

  7. Social Media is the dream for those passive aggressive individuals all having the same name, anonymous ! I just had an experience Renee that I may blog about when a former coworker called me over the weekend. I have not heard from her in 20 years and she was a supervisor. I never liked her but I was civil because she held some of the strings to my evaluations and raises. But now she called as part of her 12 step program asking for forgiveness to her actions toward me all those years ago!

    1. Wow..Haralee, you definitely need to blog about that one…and you are right…those people hide behind their screens and say things to make themselves feel better…Thank you!

  8. I noticed it with the comments on Meghan Markle – she dresses beautifully, is gorgeous (on the inside too by the sound of things) found the perfect wedding dress that wasn’t OTT and was completely appropriate for her new position – and STILL people bagged her! Where is graciousness? Where is the sisterhood? Why can’t we just be nice? I work in a hospital where there are lots of middle aged women – it’s a seething pit of gossip and chatter. My boss is moving to new rooms away from there and I’m quite relieved to be away from it all soon. Perfect post – and I hope you have something else to move onto after 20 years in that last job xx

    1. Thank you Leanne! I dint know why we can’t be nicer to one another…I too saw it with the comments on Meghan’s dress, makeup..and hair…why does everyone think they are perfect enough to comment on someone else….it saddens me…and I am trying to find something that lifts my soul to do the next 20 years or so…

  9. Great post. I too see this happening a lot and don’t understand it. You would think the older we get the less pettiness and backstabbing would occur. Not so much. That’s why I make a point to be around positive people. The negative ones can kick rocks! Lol

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