Monthly Archives: February 2017

25Feb/17
eat some ice cream

Best Advice I Ever Got

And who gave it to me…

eat some ice cream

“Just eat ice cream and you’ll feel much better”- me

Advice…what is it? Why do we listen to others and why did our parents bother to even give it to us…were we even listening? Googling advice…here is what comes up.. “Advice, noun….guidance or recommendations concerning prudent future action, typically given by someone regarded as knowledgeable or authoritative. Not everyone who has given me advice has been knowledgeable or authoritative..well thinking about this, I guess my Mom was authoritative in that she was my Mother.

I am good at giving advice, but not at taking it. And one thing is for sure, I am not good at taking my own advice. Having said that, here is some of the best advice I have received over the years and it has stuck with me to this day.

“Lower your expectations” – A  good friend gave me this advice at least 20 years ago and I have never forgot it. I was always getting hurt by others and telling her that I didn’t understand why this happened. One night she told me that not everyone was as kind or generous as I was and that is why they couldn’t live up to my expectations. And she said, maybe If I lowered mine I wouldn’t be hurt so much. I have tried to live by this and it has helped. Sometimes it still makes me sad that people can’t be kind or do what I would do. But that is just the way it is..

“You should be a writer” – I have been told this several times in my life. Once by a teacher I had in school and often by friends and family members. I never had the time when the kids were growing up. I know its a lame excuse….But I am writing now. Just a blog, but I’m writing. I still have a book or two in me, maybe one day I will let them out.

“Never let a big dog jump on you” – Another good friend’s mother told her this and she shared it with me. I think this is good advice and really a metaphor. I think it means to try not to let something you don’t want to happen to you… happen to you.

“Make sure you always wear clean underwear” – This one is from my mom. She always said you never know when you will have to go to the hospital and you need to have clean underwear on if that happens. I did have to go once and thank goodness my underwear was clean. Thanks Mom!

“Never change who you are for someone” – I don’t remember who told me this but it stuck with me and I never have changed for anyone. I am me, take me as I am.

“If a relationship isn’t right, you can’t fix it. And if it’s good, you can’t mess it up” – An older woman friend of mine told me this once when I was in the beginning stages of a relationship and asked her how I could fix it. She also said you shouldn’t have to fix it at the very beginning, it should be awesome. I never forgot this or her. And it is so very true.

“Never ever stay with someone who gets violently angry wth you for throwing away a dirty napkin” – Advice from another friend…she is no longer with him. Pretty good advice I think. Also never stay with someone that gets angry because you forgot the taco sauce when you made tacos… just a little advice from me..I know it’s important to have taco sauce when you make tacos, however to throw things and scream at someone is not…

“Ice cream, pie and wine can make anything better” – This is from me. I know it can’t fix everything but it sure does help.

“Roll down the windows and turn up the music” – This great advice is from the show on NBC, “This Is Us” Love this show by the way. I think this is awesome advice, so next time you have a bad day or life is kicking your butt… get in the car, head out on a back road…roll down the windows and turn up the music…

“Never go to bed angry” – Again… Mom. She always told me to make up with whoever I was angry with before going to sleep.This is good advice and something we should all adhere to. Life is short, so fix what is broken and tell people you love them. We aren’t guaranteed another day. And if you wake up the next day and the person you were angry at isn’t around anymore, you can never fix it.

“When you are 90 and sitting in your rocker on the front porch, think about this problem, this thing you are upset about, will it be important then?” – Me again..I always ask myself this question or people who come to me with a problem. It works when you ask this, because most of the time we spend worrying over such trivial, insignificant things… Not the things that really matter.

“Never lose your sense of humor” – Actually it’s “Don’t ever lose your sense of humor Dan, don’t EVER lose your sense of humor.” This line is from “About Last Night”, the movie with Jim Belushi and Rob Lowe. Love this line..and so true..we must always keep our sense of humor…it will help us get through this thing called life. Believe me if I didn’t have a sense of humor I don’t know how I would have survived the things I’ve been through.

“If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with” – Crosby, Stills and Nash. Well they sang this song but seriously a guy once said this to me…think he had ulterior motives that night. I may or may not have listened to him.

That’s it for now, I have more but I will keep them for another time. If you have a piece of great advice someone once gave you please tell us in the comments. I would love to hear them. What was the best advice anyone ever gave you?

“Advice is like snow – the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.” ~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

 

 

 

18Feb/17
friends at a birthday party

“You’ve Got A Friend”

Another song from James Taylor…and more.

friends at a birthday party

my birthday party..don’t I look happy..LOL!!

I am the little girl in the middle of all my friends, the one with the non smiling face…in fact I look mad.  I think it was due to the fact that Mom always invited EVERYONE to my birthday parties, not just the friends from school I wanted to invite. I am happy to say I am still friends with some of these kids. Some have moved out of state and one has passed away, but a few of my childhood friends are still in my life and I give thanks every day that they are.

I have lost so many people in the past few years, so the people I have left are very dear to me. If you have one good friend you have everything. I am blessed to have many. I was thinking about this last night after spending the day with some of these friends. I have been going through some stuff lately and then after hearing one of my dear friends lost her father  yesterday, it once again reminded me how precious life is and to savior each and every moment we have.

I spent the entire day yesterday with friends. We had lunch and then after chatting for awhile we went back to one of their houses and had pie and wine. What an amazing thing, what’s not to like about that? Pie and wine…I think that should be a “thing.” Let’s make it a thing…a weekly thing…a daily thing…ok, I’m getting carried away now, but it “was” awesome. And the most awesome part was that we were just sitting around eating, drinking and laughing… telling stories of when we were in high school together and how and when we first met each other.

We couldn’t even believe how quickly the day had slipped away and when we checked it was near dinner time. Hadn’t we just met at noon and where had the day gone? So we said our goodbyes and left only to have me and my friend who drove me back to my car sit in her car for 2 hours and talk some more. The hours slipped by like seconds and we only realized how long we were sitting there when a couple came out of the restaurant we were parked near and got in their car next to us. A couple that had pulled up when we first pulled in the parking lot. I said oh my, they got here, went in, ate and are finished, how long have we been sitting here? It had been 2 hours and she wasn’t tired of hearing me talk.That’s a friend.

We said our goodbyes again and I headed out for my hour drive home. I smiled the whole way home thinking of what a wonderful day I just had talking and sharing our life stories. And in that hour drive home I also thought about what makes these friendships I have now so different. Why do I treasure them so much and when I was younger even though my friends were important to me…I just took them for granted and thought that they would somehow just always be there. We talked about that a little yesterday at my friend’s house and said it is because at our age, and after losing so many in our lives…we now know how precious life is and so we value the friendships and the friends and time spent together even more.

So what makes a friend a good friend? I thought a lot about this on the way home as well and here are a few things I came up with.

A friend is someone who is there for you during the happy times of course, but then they are there for you during the worst times too. They are present for you when you need them most not just when you are having fun or it is convenient to be your friend.

A friend is someone you could call at 1am if you needed to talk. And I have done this.

A friend is someone who would hold your hair if you were throwing up. Yeah this really happened…so I knew she was a keeper.

A friend is someone who walks in the rain with you. Doing a “walk” for a cause with you when you don’t have anyone else to do it with..and it’s raining.

A friend is someone who finds time to spend with you. If you need them they are there. Doesn’t matter how busy their life is… they will still find time for you.

A friend is someone who listens to you, really listens…not just sitting there waiting for you to finish talking so they can talk.

A friend is someone who loves you totally in spite of all your flaws. They “get” you and love you for who you really are. They don’t try to change you and they think your weirdness and craziness are some of the best parts of you. I think this one is very important in a friendship. If someone is constantly pointing out your flaws or trying to change you in even small ways…they aren’t a friend.

A friend is someone who makes being with you a priority not just a “sometime thing” when they don’t have anything better to do.

A friend is someone who comes back in your life after a long time and nothing has changed. You feel like no time has passed…everything is the same and you are able to just pick up where you left off. The craziness, the love…its all still there.

friend is someone who you are connected to in ways you don’t even understand. They just are. You can be thinking about them and they will suddenly call or text.

A friend is someone who “does” for you. They know what you need and they do it when you yourself don’t even know you need it.

A friend is someone who helps you move. More than once. I hate moving and I know moving other people is even worse so a friend that helps you move even one time is a blessing and a real friend.

This is just my short list of what friendship means to me. I hope my friends think I do some of these things for them. I do try hard to be a good friend, but I am going to try even harder. I love the friends I have in my life now but I have also had to let go of some friendships this past year. Losing a child has changed me, I am not the same person I was before. I am truly sorry this has happened and it makes me sad…but it is just the way it has to be for now. I love my tribe of friends and hope we have many more great times to come. One thing I learned yesterday… its fun to have new experiences in your life at the ripe old age of 67…and having wine and pie with good friends is one of them.

What do you think makes a friend a good friend? I’d love to hear your comments.

Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest…It’s about who came and never left your side.” ~ Unknown

09Feb/17
funeral in the church

The Unexpected Things I Learned About Myself At A Funeral

You never know when you will have these “light bulb” going off experiences…

funeral in the church

the light went off in the church…not literally

I have been blessed in my life to have three “Mothers”. My Mother who gave birth to me, my godmother Lorraine and my Mother-in-law, Peg(actually she hasn’t been my MIL for many years, since her son and I divorced). My Mother passed away in 2014, I was grateful to still have Lorraine and Peg as my “other Mothers”. Lorraine passed in October of last year and Peg, this past week.

All 3 of these women were so important to me and such big influences in my life. They helped to shape me into the woman I am today. All of them were very different, the one constant being their deep love for me and my love for them. I have written about my Mother several times and have shared how much I miss her every day. I was so grateful to have these other women in my life when she passed. Now they are all 3 gone.

Peg had been in a nursing home for the last several months. The very same one my Mother had been in for 4 years and the exact same wing she was in when we said goodbye to her. So it was very hard to go back there when my MIL was sent there to recuperate from an illness. We thought she would go back to her home and that is what she had hoped for also. But that wasn’t meant to be. We went to visit almost 2 weeks ago and she passed a few days later. We knew most likely when we left that day we would not see her again..on this earth.

“Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

I had been dreading the thought of her funeral, due to the fact that it seems like all I do lately is go to funerals of people I love. However this particular one was different…and we spoke about it many times when we were together. It was different because my ex husband would be there. A man I had loved dearly, a man who was my first love, the father of my children and a man I thought I would be with forever. Knowing also the funeral would be held in the church we used to go to as a family when we were together and where we got married for the second time(yes, we did..incase you missed this in my previous posts, I did marry him twice). It took me a long time to get over him after our divorce. I thought love was supposed to last forever. I couldn’t believe ours didn’t.

My oldest was out of the country at the time of the funeral but my youngest came home with her 3 boys. We all went to the funeral together and also took my son’s 2 children. All 5 of the kids loved their Nanny and wanted to be there. For those of you reading my blog for the first time, I lost my son in July of last year. The 7 of us walked into the church and immediately memories from the past came flooding back. I though it might be hard but I didn’t expect it to be that hard. Thank goodness for the love and support from my Brother-in-law and Sister-in-law and their whole family including my nieces and nephew who quickly surrounded us and hugged us. With me not being “real” family and knowing how my ex felt about me, I knew I was the odd man(woman) out…but they did everything they could to make me feel like part of their family. Their warmth, love and understanding was truly appreciated and something I will never forget.

Without going into too much detail, lets just say things between my ex and I aren’t exactly good. Things between us aren’t really anything at all since we don’t speak and I haven’t seen or heard from him in over 30 years. He doesn’t have a relationship with his children(our kids together) and he has never met his grandchildren(his choice). So the fact my Mother-in-law and I could keep a relationship through all of this albeit a close one was amazing. We never knew what to call each other, so I would call her Mom and she told people I was her daughter-in-law. We got tired of  saying ex DIL and MIL and explaining it to people so we just settled on that.

I loved my MIL and I was going to the funeral no matter what. I needed to pay my respects to her for all she had done and all she had been to my children and grandchildren, and of course me. I knew my ex wouldn’t be happy about my being there so I didn’t know what to expect when I saw him. What I really didn’t expect were all the feelings that came over me the moment I first saw him walk in. So many mixed emotions and feelings of “what ifs” and what could have been. I was brought right back to that time many many years ago when we were a family and raising our kids together. I guess its normal to feel this way especially when you haven’t seen the person in such a long time. I guess its normal to wonder what might have been and how life would have played out for us if we had stayed together. I guess it is, I’ve never been in this position before so I don’t really know. I just knew I was overloading on memories and freaking out a bit.

My daughter sensed all of this going on and leaned over and hugged me and asked me how I was doing. I told her I wasn’t doing too good. I told her there was so much going on and so many feelings I didn’t expect to feel. While she was hugging me she whispered in my ear, “turn around and look a few pews back.” I turned around and there was someone else from my past seated all alone just smiling back at me. A friend, a good friend that had been around during that time and knew what I was going through. It was a friend I hadn’t seen in a very long time. But somehow just seeing this person there helped. It jolted me right out of my “what ifs” and “what could have beens”. It reminded me of how far I’d come since that time way back then and that I made it to this point in life all on my own. I had raised my kids myself and did a pretty decent job. My son may be gone but he was a good, kind man and he created 2 sweet loving children to carry on his legacy. My girls are both wonderful young women and they are also my friends. My youngest is raising her 3 boys and they are growing up into caring young men. I realized I had done pretty good without him or his help.

Having these 5 grandchildren sitting beside me made me feel so loved. They were worried about me and wanted to protect me. So did my nieces, they sat in the pew with me as well. I don’t think I have ever felt so loved, especially at a time such as this when I wasn’t sure I could even make it through the day. I do know their grandfather will never know that kind of love. And I feel sorry for him. When he stood  at the podium looking out over the church to read what he had written about his mother, there we were… all 7 of us lined up together directly in his view. He couldn’t NOT see us. He has not seen us for 30 years but he saw us that day in the church. The day we came to pay our respects to the woman who raised him. The woman I called Mom.

“No one ever really dies as long as they took the time to leave us with fond memories.” ~ Chris Sorensen

02Feb/17
giraffes

10 Questions That Have No Answers

at least I don’t know the answer…

giraffes

why do we have such long necks, Bob?

There are certainly many unanswered questions out there. For some reason I tend to think of weird things and wonder about many of them while drifting off to sleep. Yes, I know I’m weird. Here are a few of the many questions I have.

  1. Why do giraffes have such long necks? No other animal has a neck this long. I always thought they looked kinda weird and if they weren’t careful they could get tied in a knot. Like if they looked in to many different directions at one time or if they did yoga or something.
  2. Why do they have toilet paper commercials on tv? Seriously, we all need this. Do they really need to advertise it? Do they think we will stop buying it?
  3. Why do we adults have trouble opening child proof bottles, but little kids have no problem? If I can’t get my bottle of aspirin open I always ask my grandson to open it. No problem.
  4. Why is lemonade sometimes made with artificial flavoring, but my dishwashing liquid is made with real lemon juice? This one really gets to me. I don’t understand it at all. I honestly would pay more for my lemonade to have real lemons in it. And wouldn’t artificial lemon juice work just as well in the dishwashing liquid? It’s not like I drink it…but it does smell yummy, so I want to.
  5. Is clear a color? My grandson just told me the color of his hair was clear when he was a baby. I asked don’t you mean blonde, he said no it was clear. I don’t know…maybe clear is a color. White is a color and it really doesn’t have any color… ok, never mind.
  6.  Why when someone works really hard do we say “he worked like a dog”? I don’t get this. Every dog I know lays around all day and sleeps. They might get up and walk around in circles for a bit, but then they lick themselves and lay back down again. Really, did you ever do this when you worked very hard at something?
  7. Why do we say “after dark”? After dark is light and light is before dark. So what does this even mean?  I think this is another one of those riddles our ancestors said to confuse us.
  8. When you die do you have to keep wearing the outfit you had on when you died? Anyone know if this is true…if it is, then I need to dress better every single day….just incase.
  9. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream containers? Ok, isn’t it already spoiled, it is sour..so why can’t we keep it forever and not have it turn bad? My daughter and I had this discussion last week when we made tacos and the sour cream had a date that had passed. We looked at each other and said, “how can it go bad it’s already sour?” So we used it on our tacos. We are still alive. And thank goodness for that cause I wasn’t wearing a very cute outfit that day.
  10. Why are all barns red? I don’t even have a thought on this one…let me think for a bit..Nope.. nada.. nothing.

Well that’s my ten for today. I have a lot more but I will save them for another day. Ok, since you begged me…I have another…why for all that’s holy please tell me why hot dogs come in packs of 8 and hot dog rolls come in packs of 10?? Why?

And here’s one for you to sleep on tonight. The ABC’s are supposedly alphabetically arranged…who made this the way it is and said that is the correct way? Maybe, way back in time it really started with N or Q. And then someone else came along and thought better of it and said I think it should start with “A”. Whoa…I will just leave you to ponder that one. And if you come up with a good answer I will listen to it.

Do you have any questions that have no answers?

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” ~ Charles Chaplin