What Is A Mom?

 and are we still a Mom after losing a child?


Mom…what a wonderful word…

To hear your child call you Mom is the most wonderful sound in the world…unless they say it repeatedly until you want to scream. Seriously though there is nothing better in this world than being a Mom. I have been doing a lot of thinking about this with Mother’s Day being today and having lost one of my children. As people have told me, “it’s so great you have two other children.” Yes, I am so very happy I have my two wonderful daughters. But that doesn’t make up for losing one.

A friend commented the other day she was dreading Mother’s Day this year. She was a mother and a daughter, now after losing both her mother and her daughter she was neither of them. I thought about it and then told her she was still both, she “was” a mother and a daughter…but her child and Mom just resided in a different place now.

On this same note, someone recently asked me how many children I had. Before I realized it I said 3 and then stopped quickly and looked at her. She asked me what was wrong and I told her I had lost my son several months ago. I told her,  I’m sorry I don’t know what to say…. do I still say I have 3 children? Do I still have 3 kids? Do I have to clarify and say I had 3 and one passed away and now  have 2 that are living? I don’t know how to answer that question. And.. I really don’t want to.

Then there are these so called holidays…Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. They make it very difficult for people who have lost loved ones. I never really gave it much thought before I lost my Father and Mother and now my son. I am very grateful I still have my two daughters but what about those people who only had one child. Are they still a “Mom?”

“Being a Mother is not what you gave up to have a child, but what you’ve gained from having one.” ~ Unknown

The question is…are they still a “Mom?” Yes, my answer is a resounding yes! They are still our children wherever they are. I choose to believe my son is in heaven. But where ever they are, they are still our children and we are still their Mom.

It has been hard for me to celebrate these “holidays” after losing my parents. But I had children and grandchildren of my own to celebrate my day with. Now after losing my son it once again forces me to see the day is somehow different. My son won’t be buying me flowers or a beautiful card or putting in a new kitchen faucet for me this Mother’s Day. I don’t really care about any of those things no matter how wonderful and sweet they were. What I “will” miss today is the hug and him telling me how much he loved me. My son gave the best hugs in the world. I felt it all the way to my toes. He was always a hugger. I will miss those hugs forever. But I’m still his Mom.

I always see those poems about if we could spend an hour with someone you love and lost, what would you say…I wouldn’t say anything I would just ask him for a hug. I hope he is hugging my own Mom today and my sister and I hope he knows I’m still his Mom. We are still Mom’s, we love and we are loved…sometimes the person we love just doesn’t live here anymore.

“We never die…we become the sand on the beach…the waves on the sea…the voice that resonates from the seashells…we live forever in the hearts of those who remember us…” ~ Unknown

20 thoughts on “What Is A Mom?

  1. Loved everything you wrote Renee……I always say I have 3 sons…..and I do, just one lives in Heaven now. Holidays are so hard…..I too loved my son’s hugs and he always called me Mother Hubbard and I wish I could hear those words again……I agree with you and would want a hug again cause my son was a great hugger as well….It never gets easier and we will always miss them . I have his Mother’s Day cards and always look at them on Mother’s day. I LOVE my other sons to the moon and back, but there is one missing and it hurts…… My heart breaks for you Renee cause I do know what you are going through…..God Bless you <3

    1. Thank you so much Judy! and yes sadly, you do know what I am doing through…Bless you as well…

      1. Thank you Renee. Yes, neither of us knew we would have to go down this road in our lives ….So Sad and So Hard !!!!

  2. This is such a beautiful and touching post. Thank you for sharing your heart and your personal story.

  3. Renee, this is beautiful and it really touches my heart! I am so sorry about your son – I cannot begin to imagine the pain that causes but I do know that it creates a void that is never filled. My grandmother lost her only son shortly after he graduated from high school. I never knew him but grew up hearing about his life and the joy he brought. I had many conversations with my grandmother about this loss and how it affected her. My sincerest condolences.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind comments Shelley! I am glad to hear your Grandmother talked about her son and kept his memory alive as that is what I am trying to do for his two beautiful kids… Thank you again!

  4. I’m sure Mother’s Day is a bittersweet day for you, Renee. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and hard-won wisdom. I’m glad you felt your son’s presence yesterday–and I’m confident you always will.

    1. Thank you Roxanne! It is hard to go through these holidays of sort…but with the love of family and friends I make it through.

  5. I have 2 friends who lost one of their 2 children and yes Mother’s day is difficult and the question of how many children do you have. Like you they both count their child who passed away when answering that question. Sometimes they say one has died sometimes it is not necessary to say anything. My heart goes out to you in your recent loss.

    1. Haralee, my heart goes out to your friend.It is very painful sometimes and then other times I can deal with it, but these holidays make it more difficult. Thank you!

  6. I’ve dreaded Mother’s Day for many years. Then, we finally conceived our son after five years of trying and a miscarriage. This year, I had another miscarriage and my mom passed away in March.
    I believe I became a mom the first time we conceived a child (and miscarried).

  7. That was beautiful and also really sad Renee – I hope you had a happy Mothers Day and could feel the hug from above xx

    1. Thank you Leanne! I did have a good Mothers Day and I got a sign from above…that all was well!

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