Monthly Archives: August 2016

25Aug/16

Are You Ashamed Of Your Body?

Are you afraid to show your flab?

Me with my arms out in public..

Me with my arms out in public..well, I am in a cave…

I have been thinking about this for awhile now. I had lunch recently with a few friends and it was a very hot day. I mean extremely hot and also humid. I couldn’t decide what to wear to go to lunch. I usually wear a sweater of some sort to cover my flabby upper arms. But instead, I decided to wear a short sleeve top…the one I have on in this photo above. Yes, I chose this picture and yes, it is dark, you don’t need to see the ugly details. But this made me think, do we really worry so much about body image that it forces us to wear something we feel uncomfortable in?

We of a certain age, are not young anymore but that doesn’t mean we still can’t be fashionable and also comfortable at the same time. Every time I wear this top I get compliments. Not sure if the compliments are for me or the top? But it feels good to wear it and not be sweating and uncomfortable.The first time I wore it at lunch with my friends they all commented on it and it started a conversation about how all of us were trying to hide those body parts that just weren’t how we wanted them to be anymore. I was happy I wore the top to lunch. And also I was happy about how freeing it was to do so.

What does this say about us? Has the fashion world made us all into someone who is so afraid of showing a little flab that we drive ourselves crazy and deny who and what we really look like? I was always in shape, I ran, I exercised and ate somewhat healthy. I wanted to be what I thought I was “supposed” to look like. I really don’t think that this was the case in our parents and grandparents day. They were all different sizes and shapes and I don’t remember anyone ever making a comment on how they looked. I also don’t remember any of them saying, “oh, I hate my arms” or “look at this muffin top I have.”

“If tomorrow, women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, just think how many industries would go out of business.” ~ Dr Gail Dines

I think the younger generation is even more aware of their body image than we are. Kids in elementary school are asking each other if they are fat. What does this say about our priorities? How do we go about changing this and can we? Yes, we need to be healthy and I am not saying we should just all be what we are and not work towards being a better version of ourselves, but it shouldn’t be to the extreme. And there shouldn’t be shame if that doesn’t happen. We don’t need to be made to feel bad about how we look. We have enough other things in our lives that make us feel bad, we shouldn’t have to deal with that too.

I have recently seen celebrities and athletes being shamed on social media for adding a few pounds or posts stating they must be pregnant because they have a little bit of a stomach. Looking at the pictures makes me angry, because these pics are not at all of someone who looks pregnant, it is someone who is healthy and not a skeleton. I hope we can get to a point where we stop shaming each other and learn to embrace our bodies, flaws and all. I hope we can help the younger generation see it is ok to not be a size 0.

We don’t have much time here on this planet so we all need to try to be as healthy and happy as we can and enjoy our lives. Most of all we don’t need to spend our time worrying about whether of not to wear something we love or if it shows a little flab.  I recently read an article that said, “you will never look like the girl in the magazine, the girl in the magazine doesn’t look like the girl in the magazine.” Embrace your flab and enJoy your life. Let’s let it all hang out! Well maybe not all of it…

“I love my body. I’m very much ok with it. I don’t think artists are ever the ones who have the problem with their weight, it is the other people.” ~ Kelly Clarkson

My question for you today is this, do you hesitate to wear something if it shows some flab or shows a little bit more tummy than you want to show? Please comment below and let me know your thoughts…

And thanks for your support!

 

 

 

16Aug/16

Smells That Remind Me Of My Childhood…

How does a certain smell bring back a memory of days gone by?

ah, the sweet smell of days gone by

ah, the sweet smell of youth

Why do certain smells bring up a memory of a time long ago? I smell something and I am immediately taken back to a time in my childhood. How does this happen? It isn’t a bad thing, most of these memories are good ones and I enjoy reliving them over and over again. But this made me wonder if I am in the minority here or if other people have this same thing happen. And what smells bring up memories for you?

Here are 10 of my most memory evoking smells.

  1. The smell of fresh cut grass – I loved the smell of our yard after my Dad cut the grass. People cut grass all the time, I know we do here, but it doesn’t smell like it did when my Dad cut our grass. Still when I smell freshly cut grass I can see my father out back mowing our yard.
  2. Freshly washed clothing that was hung outside to dry – as my Mom and I folded the wash or put the clean sheets on the bed, the smell was overwhelmingly crisp and it made me feel so fresh, clean and renewed. Even if you put something out to dry these days, and most places it isn’t even allowed, it doesn’t quite smell the same as it did back then.
  3. Gasoline –  Ok, I know I may be alone in this one, but I absolutely loved the smell of gasoline being put into the car. I would open the window no matter how cold it was when Dad was getting gas pumped at the gas station just so I could smell it. On second thought…maybe that’s what is wrong with me!
  4. Our freshly cut Christmas tree – I loved the smell of the tree when we brought it home and how it made the house smell the whole way through the Christmas season. This was of course until Mom decided we needed to have a white flocked tree and then after that the dreaded aluminum tree with the color wheel. Christmas just wasn’t the same after we stopped having the fresh cut trees. But I still think of ours when I smell the scent of pine.
  5. A cornfield – we had a huge cornfield in back of my house growing up. We played in that cornfield from morning till night. We played hide and seek and lots of childhood games in that field. However, sometimes we just plopped ourselves down in the field and stared up at the sky. I loved the smell of that cornfield and smelling corn now reminds me of those lazy summer days of long ago.
  6. My grandmothers – each one had a certain smell. My Grandma G smelled like food and baking because she did that all the time. And most of the time I spent with her was spent baking something, so in my mind she smelled like pie.  My Grandma F smelled of lavender. Her clothes and bed linens smelled of it too. I loved that smell back then and still do now.
  7. A book – There is nothing to compare to the smell of a book. A real book with pages and words on the pages. I have tried the Ebook thing but it doesn’t do it for me. I want to hold a book in my hands and smell the pages. I loved this smell growing up and still do all these years later.
  8. The musty smell of late summer – We used to go to my fathers work picnic every year when I was growing up. The place we went to was out in the country. It was late in August and everything had that musty smell. I loved going to that picnic. We spent the entire day there and had so much fun. So when I smell this musty odor now it brings back all those happy times I spent with my family at that picnic.
  9. My skin after a day in the pool – we always had a pool when I was growing up, they weren’t huge or real deep but they provided me and my sister and the neighborhood kids with hours of fun. After a full day in the pool my skin would smell so fresh and clean. I don’t think we used any chemicals back then or if we used sun tan lotion. I do know we used baby oil, so maybe that is where the wonderful fresh scent came from. I just know I loved that smell. And sometimes now after my grandkids go to the pool for the day I catch a whiff of that scent and it takes me back.
  10. Burgers and hot dogs grilling on a charcoal grill – Dad was the griller in the family. He could never get the charcoal to light and we would be nearly starving to death until it was ready to go. Or everything was burnt to a crisp and he couldn’t get the flames to calm down. But miraculously every now and then it all worked just right and he made us some amazing burgers and hot dogs. I have yet to taste the likes of the ones he made back then. And when I go to a park and smell the odor of charcoal I am immediately back in our yard with Dad at the grill.

Smells can evoke memories both good and bad. I remember the smell of the coal fire  burning in my grandparents basement. My grandmother changing from her house dress into her nightgown in front of it. I remember how the peach pie smell would waft throughout the entire house as my grandma and I were baking it together. Waiting for that oven timer to go off seemed like an eternity. The smell of the beach takes me back to when my parents took me there as a young child. The sea air, the smell of suntan lotion, the fries cooking on the boardwalk. I loved that smell even as a little girl and I guess that is where my love of the beach originated. Maybe that smell and the way it makes me feel is why I love it so much now.

There is one thing I don’t like. I don’t like the smell of fire. My grandfather took me to a fire when I was around 4 or 5. There was a fire the day before down the street from their house and he thought I would like to go down there with him. I always liked going on walks with him so of course I went. The whole block had burned to the ground. Every house was destroyed, everything. It was all still smoldering and you could see the kids toys and beds just laying there out in the open, charred from the fire. I was devastated. I couldn’t sleep that night and cried until Mom came up and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was afraid our house would burn down. She spent most of the night consoling me and holding me until I finally drifted off. I never liked the smell of fire after that night. I still don’t.

As you can see smells stir up a lot of memories for me. Do certain smells bring up any memories for you? Are they good ones or bad? How do they make you feel? I love hearing your stories so please share them with me.

“Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows.” ~ John Betjeman

08Aug/16

When You Lose A Child…

you lose a part of your heart 

Me and my kids in the late 70's

Me and my kids in the late 70’s

Shortly after this picture, I got a divorce and for the most part raised the kids on my own. They were my everything. My life. I loved my kids and wanted to see them grow up and become adults and have kids of their own some day. If you have never had kids you can’t understand how something so small grows inside you and becomes this human being so full of life and love. And so begins the heartache it can also bring.

I have had many people in my life who I’ve loved and many I have lost. My Dad passed away when I was in my 40’s. My Mom died 2 years ago and my sister Rhonda 6 months after her. All of these losses were devastating at the time and I am still dealing with the pain from them. After my sister passed I was lost. I had no immediate core family. I was an orphan. But I did have family. I had my 3 kids and my  5 grandkids. And I had my sister’s two girls who I think of as my own. It was a little surreal going from having a parent or parents to being the head of your family. But it was enough.

A little over 2 weeks ago that changed. My son died. He was 46 and had 2 beautiful children. He was a wonderful, loving man and even more a wonderful father. He loved his kids more than life itself. They were his everything. He never had a good role model in his own father, who chose not to play a part in his life, so he vowed to be the father he never had. And he was. He was a very loving person who would do anything for anyone, sometimes to his own demise.

This loss is still not registering in my heart. My brain knows it is true but my heart is having a hard time coming to terms with it. I expect him to burst in the room at any minute with his latest stories. But he doesn’t. I just can’t process that he is gone and I will miss him every second of every day until I take my last breath.

Dave was forever telling me he loved me and showed me in so many ways. He was never afraid of showing his feelings. I remember back when he was a kid and was going off to Y Camp, he hugged me and kissed me in front of all his friends. I thanked him and said I was proud of him for doing that and he couldn’t understand why. He was always doing things like that.

He had a wonderful sense of humor and loved kids and animals. He always had a love of little kids and they were somehow drawn to him. But he loved it and never tired of playing with them. He was in many ways a big kid himself. He loved becoming an uncle and loved his nephews so much. He was always tumbling around on the floor with them or chasing them around the yard. But the day he became a father was the best time of his life. His daughter and son meant the world to him. He was so very proud of them and how they loved and treated each other. But also evident was their love of him. Their eyes sparkled and their entire little personalities changed when he would walk in the room. They idolized him.

Dave and his 2 kids

Dave and his 2 kids

Our family’s lives changed forever that day 2 weeks ago. It altered the very core of us. Who are we now without Dave? How do we go on as a family without him? I love my family and I am so blessed to have my 2 awesome daughters and my 5 equally awesome grandkids. I know I am lucky to have them all. But there will forever be a hole in my heart. And I don’t think I can fix that. I do plan to honor him by keeping his memory alive in his kids and will spend the rest of my life doing that. It is the one thing I “can” do. His kids are young and I don’t want them to forget what a wonderful father he was or how much he loved them. I promise to keep your memory alive Dave, it is the last thing I can do for you, my son.

I know I will go through many emotions in the next weeks and months ahead. Right now it is one of disbelief. I hope I can just get to a place where I remember the good times we shared and feel at peace.

I leave you with a question and a quote.

Have you ever lost a child? How did you manage to go on?

“You son will hold your hand only for a little while. But he will hold your heart for a lifetime.” ~ Unknown