and who will be doing mine….
me on the porch of my childhood home
My friends are always a veritable source of blog ideas and chatting with them yesterday about this subject brought back memories of when I packed up my childhood home. Several of my friends have had to do this already and another one is dreading the time that will inevitably be in her future.
Packing up the home you grew up in is not an easy thing to do…ever. Even under the best of circumstances. And I really don’t know that there are any good circumstances….maybe if you are helping your parents downsize to a smaller place and they are both still alive. But even that would have to hold some sad moments for the ones who are never going to see the inside of of that house again. However most of the time that isn’t the case and the children are left to pack up the home and all that belonged to their family.
My daughter and I worked alone for months on my parents house. This was definitely one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in more ways than one. My father had already passed and Mom was in a nursing home with Dementia and was never going to return to the house I grew up in and that she loved so dearly. Mom hadn’t been well for awhile and left things go and the house was in bad shape..it was almost like an edition of “Horders.” When we walked in and looked around we almost turned right around and walked back out….we didn’t know where to start.
The whole situation was unbelievably hard emotionally and physically and also because we were doing it by ourselves… we were just overwhelmed. We finally decided to sell the place “as is” and found a local buyer who did “flips.” That decision saved us from having to get everything out and clean what would be a feat not even Mr. Clean could or would tackle. But, we still wanted to go through as much as we could to make sure there weren’t any “gems” left in the house before we turned it over to the buyer.
Going through my parents things gave me a whole new view on who they were and what they had been before I came along. We found letters from camp written to old boyfriends from Mom and letters from Dad written to Mom while he was serving in the Navy. It brought up so many questions and I really wished I could ask them about some of them. But sadly that was not meant to be…with my Dad gone and Mom having Dementia that was impossible. Not to mention all of my parents siblings had passed as well so there was no one left to ask about the things that were left behind or the people my parents once were.
The letters and items from Mom’s childhood gave me a whole other view as to who this woman was. You never think of your parents as even having a childhood and being young and carefree with hopes and dreams just like us. I wanted to know this person, I wish I could have been friends with her. I think I would have had a lot in common with the young child and person she was before she became my “Mom.”
We found paintings Mom had done upstairs in the storage area. I knew Mom had this talent as I had seen some of her paintings early on in my childhood. But I forgot how good she was at it and would have loved to ask her why she stopped. Why didn’t she continue to paint and what would make her give up this talent? Did she do it for my sister and I? Did she think she wasn’t good enough? I will never know the answers to these questions.
Mom loved to shop and that was never more evident to us as we went through the closets full of clothing, shoes and handbags. This whole shopping addiction has been passed on to me and my daughters. So you see it is not our fault we shop! Going through the stacks and stacks of clothes with tags still on them made me decide I wasn’t going to do this anymore. And I have tried to be better about what I want and what I really need. If I buy one thing I must give up two items. I give away a lot of things to my friends and family too. I would rather give it to them than make a few bucks on it or give it to Goodwill. So I have learned something from this experience.
While going through one of the closets I found something else that totally blew my mind. Something so horrible and vile that it is forever etched in my mind…As I lifted a pile of pants something hard touched my hand. I lifted the item out from between the clothes so I could see what it was. OMG!! It can’t be…it is…it was… a “dildo.” I screamed and dropped the offending thing on the floor. Yes, you read this right… My Mother had a dildo in her closet. Believe me, this is not something I thought my own mother would even remotely know about, let alone me finding one in her closet. I ran in the bathroom and scoured my hands with antibacterial soap for much longer than needed and tried to regain my sanity. My daughter was screaming too so when we finally both calmed down, we got a trash bag and threw the heinous thing inside and sealed the bag tightly so it couldn’t escape and do more damage than it had already done.
This whole “dildo” episode made me think…what will those left behind to pack up my house find….I did call my friend and made her promise to go through things first so nothing would scare my children or whoever is left to do this. I got rid of the most offending items I could think of…however, there may still be a few things I need to lock up in a box and then maybe even swallow the key….
As you can see there are many ways to look at doing this life changing thing of cleaning out your childhood home. There will be a lot of good memories to be found and also some sad ones. But then you might find something that will make you laugh. Almost as though it was left there for just that reason. I know I sure have a good laugh whenever I remember Mom’s “dildo.”
My childhood home
Have you gone through this? Have you packed up your childhood home? What did you find?
“Where we love is home – home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.”
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes
Im so sorry for your loss and for your mother having dementia, that is so rough to say the least. I really enjoyed your story! The dildo made me lol. Thank you for sharing.. My name is Brandy, and im new to the blogging community, its very nice to meet all of you, have a blessed day http://whimsicalwolfblog.com/
Thanks for reading and commenting Brandy!
Lolol. Well you go MOM!! TRUST me when Mike has to do my house, he’ll find several, but won’t be shocked, teehee. My FRIENDS buy an for me 👅👅👅
Well Susie, I find something new about you all the time! LOL..
What a pretty house! Your parents’ stories are part of your history. (ok, maybe not the dildo. That had to be rough!)
Thank you linda and yes, the stories are part of my history…but I don’t know about that part…thanks for commenting..
A good reminder to share stories with the kids before it is too late. Not about the helper though. I interviewed my ex-husband’s grandmother about her life and learned so many wonderful things. I taped it at the time and later gave it to him so he could share it with our kids. I interviewed my own grandmother, but did not think to tape it, so I have the memories, but wish I had recorded her voice.
That is such a good idea Tamara! I wish I would have done that. Thanks for sharing that with me.
Years ago an older woman friend, who was in ill health, asked me to go through her things and get rid of anything her sister wouldn’t want to see. While I was never put in that position, I always assumed it was something like a dildo. As freakish as it is to consider, we should be glad our mothers had some kind of pleasing sex life. Brenda
Agree Brenda…and like I’ve said to the others..I’m glad she did if she did…however I didn’t want to know about it…and sure my daughters wouldn’t want to either…LOL…
Love the dildo story–so wonderful to see that your mother explored her sexuality!! Of course, you knew that would be my take..right?
Yes Walker I did know that..LOL.. and that is fine and dandy that she did…I just didn’t want to find it…and touch it…
Oh my goodness. Mom’s secrets — that’s so awesome (in a “you don’t necessarily want your adult daughter finding it” kind of way)! Thanks for sharing this.
Exactly Paula! I don’t care that she had it or even Yuck…used one but me finding it was just beyond comprehension..And Thanks for your comments..
I so relate to this story — well maybe not the dildo part but most of it…LOL – Love the sassy picture!
Thank you Mary! And I am happy for you that you don’t relate to that part…LOL…
Mom had been gone a few years when I helped Daddy pack up his apartment for his move to a senior’s lodge. He had already downsized several times without my help, so a lot of stuff was already gone. Still, he had kept the gems and trying to decide what to do with those?! Husby told me when I left to go to Daddy’s that I was not to bring anything home. ANYTHING! Yeah. My van was so stuffed with stuff I could hardly sit in it to drive. Regrets? None. Memories? The house is gone, but they remain!
So true Diane..how can we not keep those gems…Thank you for commenting..
Oh MY! Yes I packed up our childhood home and it was emotional. What to do with all the pictures was a huge concern of mine. My sister was all for donating but I didn’t want some hipsters coming in and putting up our dead relatives in their space. We divided some up and eventually maybe the hipsters got them!
It is so hard o know what to do with everything Haralee. What an emotional experience for anyone that has to do this. We put the pictures on a disc and gave them to family. Thank you for commenting…
How bizarre to find such a memento of your mum! It’s funny how one thing can completely change how well we think we know someone. Now I’m wondering what I have in the back of my closet that I might need to get rid of in the years to come!
Leanne, you need to go check immediately…LOL.Thank you for your comments…
I think it is great that your mom had some sexual fun!
Well Tamara, that’s easy for you to say..you didn’t find the “vile” thing…LOL..
I haven’t had to do this yet – – but it something I’ve thought about since I read my friends book: If you knew Suzy.
It’s a slightly different from us – – but it’s all the same. After her mom passes away she uses her reporter skills to create all of the many versions of her mother she never knew. The younger, the mother as a friend, the mother as dreamer… It’s very powerful.
Sounds like a great book Carla and very interesting thing to do. I have created in my mind so many versions of my Mom now…
ohmygosh…another good “laugh of the day”. My parents packed up their few important possessions and moved south. That left me with the home they lived in for 50 some years filled with “junk”. It took me many hours to go through everything since I was still working. Many days straight from work, then early in the morning before work to put out the trash (MUCH trash) It wasn’t emotionally difficult, I guess, since they were still alive. I was in 7th grade when we moved, so the time I had vested there wasn’t as though it was my “little childs” home like your’s was, Renee. You gals DID have a very strong reaction to your “find of the day”. Hilarious.
Glad you liked it Peg…So true.it is still a long and arduous task no matter what…and happy you didn’t find anything hideous…
If only there was a camera when you found “Mother’s Little Helper”.
Andy, not sure if that would be a good pic or not..LOL..