Category Archives: Humor

26Oct/17
acorn funny face

More Weird Things I Saw At Work…

Humor, Life, ,

I could actually post one of these a day…..

acorn funny face

Smile..outside on the sidewalk…

I had so many other posts in my head for this week and couldn’t decide which one to share. I have had a long week already and needed to write something to make me smile. It seems the older we get the more things we have come up to make us wonder, what’s it all about, why do these things happen, why can’t things just be simple…why can’t we all just get along…So because I don’t have the answers to any of these questions, I just decided to post something silly again because I just can’t deal with all the other stuff…

Here are some more weird things that I saw at work..bear in mind I work at a large department store…

A 70 something year old woman still clinging to the 80’s – She was wearing leggings and leg warmers and hair teased up to there….bless her little disco dancing heart, the 80’s must have really struck a cord with her and she wasn’t about to let them go…

Guy spraying women’s perfume all over his body – He did this after I told him this was woman’s perfume he was spraying..he finished spraying and then quickly walked over to the cosmetic counter and looked in the mirror, lifted his shirt(much to our dismay) wiped his eyes with the shirt, fixed his hair and walked away.

Girl at the counter with 2 phones – She was texting on both of them at the same time. Note: I have trouble texting on one. And, really is she that important she needs two phones or is she leading a secret life she doesn’t want someone to know about??

Roll of toilet paper out on the sales floor – not sure how or why this got there…maybe someone thought they might need it and so they carried it around with them for awhile and then decided…nope I’m good and just dropped it.

roll of tp

we all need this, but seriously…

Throwing the recycling in with the other trash – I am all for recycling and was happy when we got recycling cans in each department…at least I was until the other day. The girl who cleans the store came by to empty our trash and dumped both cans(the recycling can that clearly has marked for paper and plastic only written on the side and the regular trash can) into one large trash can. Kinda defeats the purpose of having a specified recycling can, don’t you think?

Woman taking pictures on her phone of the store directory – I’m guessing she didn’t want to get lost in our small two level store…or she is coming back later to steal something wants to have the quickest get away route all planned out…

Guy walking all around the store with fingers in both ears – Now I realize sometimes the screaming kids can get to you cause believe me they get to me…but it was really quiet in the store that day so not sure why he kept his fingers in his ears the entire time he was in the store.

After the toilet paper incident, I thought.. aha, this is why – Not too long after seeing the roll of tp, I came across this on the floor…again on the sales floor not in the bathroom…I swore it was poop and called someone over to clean it up. It was mulch. In my defense it really did look like poop.

ppop or mulch

poop..or mulch..you decide

Woman breastfeeding baby at the cosmetic counter – the woman plopped down in the chair at the counter, whips out her boob and starts feeding her baby. No cover up…nothing. I’m not going to get into the rights or wrongs of this…I had 3 kids and always went into another room to feed my babies. I know some woman feel differently…but really.. at the cosmetic counter..and the cosmeticians are there trying to sell makeup….not to mention we have a perfectly good rest room with comfortable chairs a few feet away.

Mother changing her child’s clothes at perfume counter – I had just remarked to a coworker that it was “crazy day” in the store…(a few of these things happened all in one day) when a woman walks up to the perfume counter drops her bags on the counter, takes her child’s clothing off(kid is around 5 or 6) and then takes clothing out of the bag she has dumped and proceeds to put the new clothing on the kid. Again, we have a perfectly good restroom a few feet away.

You can’t make this stuff up. But that’s all for today. I have many more and like I said I could do one of these posts every week or sometimes every day. I hope you enjoyed this and maybe even got a chuckle out of it. I know I did and I sure needed it!

Am I the only person that sees stuff like this? What have you seen that made you laugh or say, “WTH” lately?

“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” ~ Will Rogers

06Sep/17
searching

Weird Things I Saw At Work Last Week!

Humor, Life, , ,

and this was just one week people….ONE!

searching

did you see that?

I haven’t felt much like writing lately. I have things I want to write about but some how I’m just not feeling it. I can honestly say this is the first time in over my 2 years of writing here on my little blog that I don’t feel like writing. There is so much going on around us right now in the world…hatred, fires, floods and so much more…that it is so hard to write something that is meaningful or uplifting. I thought about it a bit more and then I just decided on “silly.” I see so many weird things everyday while at the mall and working in the store that there are tons to choose from. Here are just a few things I saw last week. Enjoy! Hope I can make you smile. 🙂

1. Man with a Q Tip – A man was slowly walking around the cosmetic counter with his wife..looking at everything on it for quite awhile. I finally saw him reach in one of the containers and pull out a Q Tip…I thought to myself..oh no, he isn’t even..but yes, yes he did. Right in the middle of the cosmetic section he put the thing in his ear and began to wiggle it around. Then pulled the offending object out and stared at it. I had to look away so I don’t know what he did with it. And I really didn’t want to know.

2. The Stroller –  A lady with a child in a stroller, one of the mall owned strollers came by by counter and stood there for a while looking and smelling the various fragrances we have. I looked down at the child and on the back of the stroller was a bag attached there for the customers to put their purchases in. That was fine, what was weird was the sentence written in large letters on that bag. “Please don’t put your child in this bag.” Really, it has come to this…a mother doesn’t know not to put her child in this small bag on the back of a stroller..

3. Toilet Paper Roll – As I was walking around the store one day last week I spied something laying in the middle of the aisle. As I got closer I could see it was a roll of toilet paper. This made me think…did someone need this so badly they took it from the bathroom, used it and then discarded it out there on the floor? Or did they bring it from home and do the same? Neither of these choices seem like good ones to me.

4. Couples on the escalator –  I see this happening all the time not just this week. a couple is going up or down the escalator together and they start making out. I mean really making out. Please tell me what is so exciting about riding the escalator that it turns you on and you need to make out right there in front of everyone else riding it. I ride up and down the darn thing all the time and it doesn’t do jack for me!

5. People wearing weird stuff – I have see some weird clothing styles and people wearing things they really shouldn’t forever..but recently it seems to have gotten so much worse. I don’t even know where these people are finding the things they wear! Weirdos R Us maybe?

6. Kids on the escalator – I see this all the time too! Kids running up and down the wrong way on the escalator. Little kids, like 4 year olds. They fall and get back up and do it again. No parents in sight of course. I can’t stand to watch it so I turn and walk away. Why don’t I say something you ask? Well I used to…that is until once a little one about 4 or 5 was doing this and I said, “please stop doing that you might get hurt”..the Mother heard me and finally ran over and screamed at me to stop yelling at her child. I told her I didn’t want to see her child get hurt and that in fact I wasn’t yelling. She stared at me, pulled the child off the escalator and stormed away.

7. Men Spraying Women’s Perfume – this wouldn’t be weird except for the fact they aren’t spraying it on a card so they can smell it, they are spraying it all over themselves. I casually tell them this is women’s perfume…to which they reply..yes, I know. I often wonder what the wife says when they get home….

8. Kids Skateboarding –  In the store. This is a department store I am talking about. It is bad enough people come through with their ice cream cones and whatever else they may be eating and put their dirty hands all over the clothing…but kids skateboarding through the store. Thank heavens that the “sneakers with the rollers” thing has passed because that was really annoying…so is skateboarding,

9. Woman Wearing a Tent – I’m not talking about a big dress or moo moo type dress as we used to call them, I am talking about an actual tent. She had a white tent on, as a dress. I mean maybe I missed the memo about the newest and greatest style ever…tent dresses… but I didn’t see or hear about this one. It may have it’s benefits due to the fact you can go camping immediately after shopping. Also, I really wish I could take pictures of these things, but I’m afraid I will be caught and then screamed at by someone. You can’t make this stuff up. Really, you can’t!

10. A Cat – I have discussed the whole “service dog” thing here before, I believe people need them and they are worthwhile. Is a Chihuahua a service dog, I don’t think so but that isn’t why we came here… I was working the other day, everything kinda quiet and then all of the sudden I heard my coworker scream. I looked over at her and she says…loudly I might add…”Cat”..I see a woman carrying her cat through the store. She was not happy that my co worker screamed and gently hugged her cat and walked away. I thought that was the end of it and that we must now have an Animal Hospital in the mall. But no, she kept walking around with this cat in her arms. and continued to walk by my poor coworker who is deathly scared of cats. So each time she did, my coworker screamed and the woman stared. Thankfully the event did not go on for too much longer and the woman and her “service cat” left the building. Again, you can’t make this stuff up!

There you have it, my “weird things I saw” list from last week. What is the weirdest thing you ever saw at work? I will be keeping track of these things and report back should there continue to be more weirdness…and I’m sure there will be.

“If you just go with the flow, no matter what weird things happen along the way, you will always end up exactly where you belong.” ~ Tom Upton

 

27Aug/17
game over

Things We Shouldn’t Do After 60!!

Aging, Humor, Life, Rants, ,

really?…don’t tell me what to do!

game over

is it over for us after 60 or should we just do what we want?

I have been reading so many articles on Facebook and in magazines lately stating we shouldn’t do this or that after 50. Well I am over 60, so should I just crawl in a hole and give up? I think we earned the right to do whatever we want at this age…within reason that is..and if we are not breaking any laws. But here are some of the stupid things I have read that we shouldn’t be doing.

Women over 30 shouldn’t have long hair – I remember back in the 60’s Mom telling some of her women friends they should cut their hair. Mom did some of the neighbor ladies hair and she would tell them straight out they shouldn’t have long hair at their age. I think they were probably in their 40’s. What???? Why can’t an older women have long hair if she so desires? Where is it written she can’t? What does having long hair have to do with age anyway? I had long hair way into my late 40’s and several times after that and no one ever mentioned I shouldn’t. Not that I would have listened to them anyway.

Women over 20…, yes you read this right, 20…should not wear leggings –  Ok, I can see why “they” are saying this. Seeing some of the people who do is certainly reason enough to make a case for this, but… I say anyone can wear them…just for the love of all that is holy….wear a long top….very long. And never…never wear nude colored leggings(this is my own rule).

Women over a certain age should not wear pants –  They really didn’t mention the age. Just “over a certain age”… For heavens sake, why? I would rather see a woman in pants than see her scrawny, wrinkly, dried up legs. This may or may not be coming from my own personal experience….and me seeing my own legs in the mirror.. Just again, wear pants that fit and are appropriate to your size.

“People say women shouldn’t have long hair over a certain age, but I’ve never done what everyone says.” ~ Jane Seymour

We should not drink more than 7 glasses of wine a week – That is one per day, (whew..)…but really? I don’t always have that many, some weeks go by without even one glass, but sometimes you just need to “wine”… and aren’t “they” always telling us to have more fruit…like we are supposed to eat several servings a day. Does a glass of wine count as a serving of fruit? I say yes, yes it does.

If we are over 60 we should not eat sweets – Ok, now “they” have just gone too far! Who are “they” anyway? I bet “they” are sitting in their office somewhere with their bag of M&M’s typing away while writing this stuff…and laughing their heads off. I know people that never ate anything bad and… they still died… everything in moderation people..everything in moderation!

We should not do body shots – Don’t ask..

Women over 30 shouldn’t wear blue jeans – I have already discussed this in depth here… Forever In Blue Jeans

“Young. Old. Just words.” ~ George Burns

People over the age of 60 should not, I repeat should NOT use exercise equipment – Ok, this one I love…we are more apt to get hurt and do harm to ourselves by using the equipment at the gym. We are better off walking or just doing exercises. So thank you to the “they” that wrote this one…Now we have a good excuse to “Not” go to the gym. I am not making this up, I saw it…somewhere…

Men over 40 should not wear baseball caps – Ok, this one is just plain ridiculous. I would rather see an older guy in a baseball cap and have it on his head the correct way then see a 12 year old with it on sideways…

There you have it. This is not meant to be taken seriously by any means. Who knows who “they” are, sitting around thinking up these things in the first place. My take on all of this is … Life is short. We should all do what makes us feel good! Like I said before we have earned the right at our age to feel good and enjoy life! But also be careful out there and make sure you aren’t taking too many chances. We look in the mirror and think, who is that old person looking back at us. We don’t feel like we are this age, but we are. There are two things I know for sure that we definitely shouldn’t do at our age… we should not hold onto grudges or live in the past. This will hurt us more than any wine we drink or sweets we eat. So Enjoy yourselves and above all, have fun and dance to the music!

Do you have any good ideas to add to the ones I’ve written? What do you think about this? As always I enjoy reading your comments.

“Just be yourself. Let people see the real imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful and magical person that you are.” ~ Unknown

 

 

 

 

 

21Aug/17
lookin good...

“I’ve Still Got It!”

Aging, Humor, Life, ,

I just don’t know what “it” is…

lookin good...

I still got it…but where is it?

My friends and I recently were talking about how “we” are the old ones now…we used to be the cute ones, the pretty ones, the ones guys looked and even whistled at. But no more. We said, we are the old ones now…we are invisible. And I thought to myself…I used to be that one, the cute one, the young one…I used to have “it”…but where did “it” go? Are we invisible?

Having said that, I was at dinner with a group of people about a month ago and felt somewhat strange. I looked around the restaurant and there were quite a few men staring at me. I used to get that and my share of cat calls but it had been so long since that had happened I thought maybe my bra was sticking out of my top or I had toilet paper coming out of my pants. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why they were staring. Then I realized they were smiling and some were even winking. I didn’t get it at first and all of sudden it came to me…the men doing the staring were old too.

I have always dated men younger than me. I didn’t set out for that to happen, it just did. I liked doing the same things as younger guys and enjoyed the same music and activities. So I was just drawn to them. And I guess they were drawn to me too since it happened a lot that the men I dated were quite a bit younger. So seeing these “old guys” all staring at me and smiling kind of freaked me out a little. Why are they looking at me? And then I thought, “oh yeah, I’m old too” and I was just glad to have a guy stare at me no matter how old he was. I realized I liked it. So I smiled back.

Sometimes driving along on the road I will notice a guy zooming up alongside my car and then I look over and he quickly turns his head and speeds by. This happens all the time. I think because of my curly blonde hair they think I’m some young beautiful thing and then they see my face and know the ugly truth..I’m old. And do they really even see me? Since I am invisible…

“And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!”~ Audrey Hepburn

I read an article recently(I don’t know where)and it concluded by saying “yes, these days older women are invisible”. Its all about the young pretty girls. It is a sad state but I have to agree. I can be walking into a store and a man is holding the door open for a cute young thing and then I get there and he lets it go right as I walk up to it. I am not upset by this. I get it! I am invisible. He didn’t even see me.

Here is another example: A few months ago I was at a bar with a few friends and all eyes in the bar were on the younger woman in our group. Every where she went the eyes followed and the men came over to chat with her and buy her drinks. No one bought the rest of us a drink. No one even knew we were there. My one friend leaned over and whispered to me…”we are invisible.” And we were.

I didn’t realize how much I had enjoyed getting “the looks” until I didn’t get them any more. I took them for granted. I enjoyed the cute guys looking and all the attention I got back then. Now I will settle for the “old men” trying to get my attention in a restaurant. By the way, I’m thinking I need to go back to that restaurant soon….the food was good but “the looks” were great. And I wasn’t invisible any more.

Did you ever feel invisible? Do you feel like we are treated differently because we are old?

“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, beautiful old people are works of art.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

 

04Aug/17
seeing clearly

“I Can See Clearly Now”

Aging, Humor, Life, , ,

a few fun facts about my recent cataract surgery…(shout out to Johnny Nash)

seeing clearly

I can see again…and without binoculars!

I just completed my second cataract surgery this week. Believe me the actual surgery is much easier than the all the prep work and drops before and after the surgery. Having one eye done and then waiting three weeks until the second one can be done is hard. The good eye fights the bad one and sometimes it is just very tiring. The best part of it all is…I CAN SEE AGAIN! Many thoughts went through my head during the surgery and the whole recovery process. Here are a few reflections on my surgery.

1. Cataract surgery isn’t all that bad. The actual surgery is over in about 10 minutes… Its all the prep work, drops and things you can and can’t do before and after that are a pain. Most people who have told me how easy it was only had one eye done. Not both. That is the hard part, the waiting for the second eye to get done so your eyes stop fighting each other. And the drops…oh yes, the drops. I would stand in front of the mirror and think, did I put the drop in or did I just check the little box on my eye drop chart and not put it in?? Every. Single.Time.

2. You don’t know how bad your eyes really are until they are better. Everything is so clear, bright and WHITE… even inside the house. I wear my sunglasses inside the house now.

3. I hate all the rules and precautions. My favorite… Don’t bend. If you have to bend, bend at the knees, not at the waist! I never think about bending…ever…until I’m told I can’t. Do you even know how many times a day you bend??? A lot! I drop so many things now of course and I have to remember, bend at the knees…bend at the knees. Or I just leave it lay there on the floor and hope someone else will pick it up.

4. Not doing any strenuous exercise for two weeks or lift anything over 20 pounds. I actually liked this one!  I have an honest to goodness, awesome, doctor approved excuse to not exercise…for 2 weeks.

5. I think I may be secretly “in love” with my eye surgeon.

“Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others.” ~ Jonathan Swift

6. Not letting sweat get in the surgery eye. Um, when the feel like temp is 105 and you are on a beach and not allowed to get in the water, you may sweat a bit. Not sure how you can keep this from happening, maybe someone should invent a little air conditoned cup that covers the eye if you have cataract surgery during the summer months. Note: have your cataract surgery during the winter.

7. Getting used to not wearing makeup. I actually went grocery shopping yesterday and not one single person ran screaming from the sight of me.

8. OMG, I don’t like looking in the mirror when putting drops in. I see all the lines and wrinkles so much more clearly…who is that old woman looking back at me and what is she doing in my bathroom?

9. So I’m laying on this table in the operating room, loud music playing(I like it) and the doc is digging in my eye and I can see him doing it. Weird. He takes out the bad lens and puts in a new one(in my case 2 of them). As I lay there both times, all kind of thoughts go through my mind…What happens to the old lenses he takes out? Do they just throw them away? Do they donate them somewhere? Do they make something out of them? Where do they get the new ones? What are they made out of? Can you buy them on Amazon?

10. Another thing I really hate is the whole, “don’t eat anything after midnight the night before surgery.” I never do, except the occasional dish of ice cream. But when you are told you can’t have anything.. of course you want something. And then knowing when you wake up you can’t have your coffee…It just makes life feel so meaningless. You can have coffee, just not with cream. And who drinks coffee without cream? Not me…

So there you have it, my eye surgery in a nut shell. You may have had a different experience or you will if you haven’t had the pleasure of this surgery yet. Love to hear your comments on this…

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~ Albert Einstein

14Jul/17
thinking

Some Things I Just Don’t Understand…

Humor, Life, Rants, ,

I need some answers people…

thinking

so many questions…

As I sit here thinking on this Friday night so many thoughts come into my mind. Those of you who know me know I am always thinking of weird things. Some of which are just too weird to even talk about, but here are some things that have been bothering me lately.

1. Why do women take their boyfriends/husbands shopping with them – I saw a couple last week and really the guy looked like someone had killed his puppy. He was moping along behind his wife and it was all I could do to keep myself from asking…”why, just why are you with her if you are so miserable” and then turn around and ask her, “why did you bring him”….

2. Why after millions of years of people making and eating bread is everyone allergic to it now – Bread was the mainstay of every meal back when I was a kid and  even when my own kids were growing up. Back in the dark ages bread was really the only thing people had besides the meat they had killed that day. But for some reason, it bothers people now.

3. Why suddenly are dogs allowed everywhere – Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs. Truly I do. But do they need to be in a clothing store? Not everyone loves them and some people are even allergic to them. And a there is a whole lot of people who are trying to pass their chihuahuas off as service dogs. Suddenly everyone has a service dog. I know there are people that need them and I don’t have a problem with that. Its the ones who are abusing the whole service dog thing. Really a chihuahua…

4. Why are there warning labels on everything these days – Yes, I know the coffee is hot, I am not an idiot. Yes, I do know to take the plastic wrapper off the cheese before I eat it. A knife that comes with a protective covering telling you “the blade may be sharp and may cut you.”  When did we all become so stupid or so ready to start a lawsuit at any minute over things such as this that we need these warnings?

5. Why are there so many monopolies again – Did we or did we not back in the day stop these from happening so people would be able to get a fair price for what they were using or buying…. Now we have one cable company…one electric company, one healthcare company and one eye care company(at least in my area) Enough already, this needs to stop. We need to be able to shop for the best price and the best service once again.

“Wondering about all the things that I’ll never understand there are some things that you can’t know unless you’ve been there.” ~ Ani Difranco

6. Why do drug companies have so many ads on tv – Do people really see these and think to themselves…”wow, I need this.” And the people that are on the drugs, do they really need to keep seeing the happy healthy people on TV using the drug and think to themselves… why don’t I feel that way?…what’s wrong with me?..why doesn’t this stupid drug work?

7. Why is every day a “something” day now – We used to have Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and then even Grandparents Day. But now every single day is a “day.” We have National Ice Cream Day(isn’t every day), Best Friends Day, Hug a Cat Day, Ice Tea Day, Waffle Day, Jerky Day, Ball Point Pen Day(yes this is a day) and lets not forget Free Donut Day..of which I still never received mine. Why..why does every day have to be a “day?”

8. Why is White House/Black Market still called that – Clearly they forgot this was their name. They always only had white and black clothing…then a few years back they decided to put one color in every now and then. I was in the store a month or so ago and they had every color under the sun. So they either need to change their name or stop have every color. Who comes up with these ideas?

9. Why does every stupid company on earth have my cell phone number – I am on the “Do Not Call” list. Several times..but I still get the annoying spam calls. I don’t answer if I don’t know the number…why do people answer their phones if they don’t recognize the number? And even if you don’t have caller ID, just don’t answer, if someone wants you bad enough they will call back or leave a message. But back to the original question, why does every company and idiot on the planet have my cell phone number…but I can’t remember it to save my life.

10. Why when you are with people and trying to have a conversation they are on their phone texting and checking emails – Yes, I know some people who do this and yet when I text them they don’t text me back.

I know I have a lot more but will save them for another time. Can you think of one that bugs you?

“Sometimes things happen to us that we just don’t understand. These things sometimes become the doors and windows to our destiny.” ~ Andrea Nugent

 

08Jul/17
legs

I Couldn’t Wait To Shave My Legs….

Aging, Humor, Life, ,

and now I hate it…

legs

these are not my legs, but they are nicely shaved…

I couldn’t wait to shave my legs when I was a kid. I thought this meant I was a grownup and I so wanted to do it. But then the first time I did it, I almost died from the blood loss..still have the scar. I really never loved doing it after that first time, and now I don’t want to do it at all. While I was shaving my legs in the shower the other day it started me thinking about other things I couldn’t wait to do and now really don’t like doing or don’t even do anymore. Isn’t it weird the things you most wanted in life aren’t really important now or you just do them because you have to.

Here are some things I really couldn’t wait to do when I was a kid….

I couldn’t wait to drive… OMG, I was so anxious to get my permit and drive and now I honestly would like to have a driver. There is so much more traffic on the roads these days and some very angry drivers on them. It makes me not want to drive at all. Actually I do have one, a lot of the time my dear, sweet daughter does the driving. It’s not because she is sweet, it’s because she doesn’t like my driving.

I couldn’t wait to wear a bra… All the popular girls were wearing one and I wasn’t yet. So every night when I went to bed I said a little prayer that I would soon get to wear one as well. And we all know how this one goes. Do they really have to make them so uncomfortable? Why in this day and age hasn’t someone come up with a bra that is so awesome that you don’t even know you are wearing one??? I think bras are manufactured by men who enjoy sitting back and smiling at the pain they cause us on a daily basis.

I couldn’t wait to grow up… I literally said this to my parents almost every day… “I can’t wait until I grow up and can make my own decisions.” I would give anything to have them making decisions for me right about now. Or really anyone.. I am so tired of making decisions…does it ever stop?

I couldn’t wait to get married… Yeah, cause that worked out so well…either one of the two times. Not ever happening again!

“A grownup is a child with layers on.” ~ Woody Harrelson

I couldn’t wait to get a job… I just wanted a job so I could make my own money and  buy whatever I wanted. Again making my own decisions about what I did with the money I made. I really didn’t want the whole “work” thing that went along with it. Now at this point in my life, I would like to find a job doing something I love doing… just for the enjoyment of it. But it would also be great if someone would pay my bills for me, so I didn’t need to use the money I earned for that. This whole “adulting thing” isn’t working so well…

I couldn’t wait to wear nylons and high heels… Again, everyone was wearing them and I couldn’t wait to wear them too! We had those god awful contraptions we had to wear with them to keep them up. Then came panty hose, which weren’t a whole lot better. I really did love high heels and wore the 4 inch high ones every day. Oh the damage we did to our poor little feet. I was so glad when I finally had a job where I didn’t have to wear either of them ever again. Note: The heels really did make us look taller and so the fat didn’t show as much…LOL!

I could’t wait to get my period… Ok, I know this one sounds weird, but again…all my girl friends had their period and so I wanted to have mine too. It is hard to be different and I wanted to know first hand what the fuss was all about. That lasted all of about a minute of actually getting my period. Then it was all about how long do I have to go through this every month…

I couldn’t wait to have my own place… I was so excited when my husband and I got our first apartment and actually be able to do whatever we wanted in it, whenever we wanted.  And then when I got my first house, all on my own. Nothing like it! Home ownership is a wonderful thing. Although, there is a lot you don’t think of when you are thinking how much you want one. Like, paying ALL the bills, things breaking down, things falling apart, appliances not working, roofs that need fixing, water in the basement…and on and on. It would be great to just have a place and have everything taken care of…like when you buy the house it comes with a 100 year warranty and someone who fixes everything that goes wrong. That would actually be awesome and a great idea!!!

I think that’s all the things I couldn’t wait to have. I know I really wanted to have a family of my own. I have that and am so blessed. I would love to have the family I had when I was a kid and wishing I could make my own decisions once again. You really don’t realize what you have till it’s gone. And please someone tell me where is that “never, never land” where Peter Pan lived. The place where you never grow up…

What couldn’t you wait to do when you were a kid? Do you still love it now?

“That’s the trouble with the world, too many people grow up.” ~ Walt Disney

 

 

30Jun/17
doctors visit

I Hate Going to the Doctor!!!

Health and Beauty, Humor, Life, Rants, ,

did I say how much I hate it, but I went and I survived….

doctors visit

I hate stethoscopes too…

Ok, anyone who knows me also knows how much I hate going to the doctor. In fact, I don’t go, never, nada, zip… But with my cataract surgery coming up I had to have an exam and be checked out so I wouldn’t die while they were doing the surgery. I thought about going to one of those walk in clinics but I checked to see what was close by and there was an office right down the street. I called to see if they could do this exam and they said sure but they would need to first add me as a patient. I thought about hanging up and just going to the walk in clinic and then I thought, “you are getting older..ugh.. and maybe just maybe you should have a doctor”.

I know right? I even scared myself with this thought. But I had to have the exam and this place was close by so I scheduled the appointment. After scheduling it I got anxious and scared and considered calling and cancelling the appointment. I mean really anxious. But I went because my daughter assured me I would be fine. But would I?

The reason I hate doctors so much is this…all of my family members that went to the doctor for some little thing all the sudden were diagnosed with some big thing….and then they died. My Dad, My Mom, and my sister… so I am not a big fan of them. In fact I’m not a fan at all. I told the person on the phone, I told the assistant who came in to take my info and vitals and I told the doctor. I was pleasantly surprised when they all understood how I felt and even talked to me about my feelings. They all agreed they would feel the same if this had happened to them.

“Doctors and nurses are people who give you medicine until you die.” ~ Deborah Martin

See I even found this quote above…I don’t know who Deborah is but I think she is my twin. So the visit all in all went pretty well I guess… I have listed just a few things that happened while I was there. and I was there for a long time…an hour and a half to be exact.

  1. First of all they took my weight – I was astounded what I weighed since I never weigh myself and… don’t go to the doctors. I turned around to see if someone had their foot on the scale and asked if I could take all my clothes off and do it again. The assistant just smiled…
  2. Medical History – I have no medical history since I don’t go to the doctors. I had 3 kids, a tubal ligation(look it up) and a partial hysterectomy…all in the 60’s and 70’s…nothing since then and no doctor. I did have one while the kids were little, it was a family practice and he made me come once in awhile too. But when we moved to Maryland I stopped going there.
  3. Blood Pressure – My blood pressure was thru the roof. She knew I was anxious and said we’ll take it again before you leave. I told them I took it in the morning and it was fine. Just believe me…
  4. Having an EKG – I never had an EKG, I knew it had something to do with the heart and honestly this is what scared me the most. I have been having these feelings like my chest was tight and my heart was heavy and so I thought I was having symptoms of a heart attack. I got hooked up to the machine by all the little sticky things and the assistant had to go get something. So I lay there thinking this is it. I am going to be told I need to be on some medication and I have a bad heart. At that exact moment my gum almost went down my throat and I started choking. Thank goodness I got it back up before she came back in and thought I was dying before I even had the EKG. (the EKG was fine)
  5. The Questions- They asked for all the medications I was taking to which I of course said..none! But I explained I do take a lot of vitamins and other stuff. I had to list all the vitamins and how many mgs. of each, which of course I guessed at cause who knows that when you take like 10. And then my apple side vinegar and coconut oil! The best question was when the doctor finally looked at me and said, “exactly when was your last doctor visit?  I honestly didn’t know but guessing when I broke my arm in the 80’s..but that doesn’t even count cause I went to the hospital. So I said I guess the 70’s. Amy(that’s my doctors name, that sounds funny me even saying that) said OMG! She did follow it up with, “well you look good have no problems that I can see or feel so keep doing what you are doing.

Amy did ask that maybe, just maybe if I thought I could manage it, that I could come back for a wellness visit and some blood work…I told her I would think about it. I have given it some thought and I don’t think I will. I am having cataract surgery. That’s more than enough to worry about for a person who hates doctors. I have to have both eyes done and they won’t do them both at the same time. Believe me I asked and even begged… And I’m thinking if doing the one makes a lot of difference I may not even go back for the second one. I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all. I have managed for just about 40 some years to take care of myself by doing natural and alternative things for my body. I am very healthy and I don’t get sick.  I think I will just keep doing that. Its worked well for me so far…

A final note, as I left the office I stopped at the desk and knocked on the window…and when she opened it I told all of the girls that I really didn’t want to come there and again reiterated how much I hate doctors and doctors offices but that they made this visit so much easier for me and were all super sweet. They all said thanks and got big smiles on their faces…even the one who was a tad grumpy smiled. So there’s that!

Here’s my question…Do you hate going to the doctor?

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” ~ Erma Bombeck (note: their plants were all flourishing.

 

23Jun/17
path thru the forest

10 Weird Things We Saw While Hiking

Humor, Life, ,

two of my grands I and went hiking this week and saw some weird things…

path thru the forest

hiking through the woods is sometimes scary. and weird..

Hiking can be a wonderful peaceful experience…it can also be a little scary or weird…especially when you are telling scary stories as you hike….or seeing weird things. Two of my grands and I went hiking this week. We had a wonderful day climbing the trail to the falls and then back down again…well at least they did. Me, on the other hand… I was huffing and puffing and falling up and down the mountain.

We had fun day, even though I thought I may not make it out alive. We saw a lot of people and some weird things. Here are the 10 weird things we saw while hiking. Note: you may not think all of them are weird….but we did…

1. Girls hiking in bikinis – I’m not sure, maybe someone changed the dress code for hiking, but bikinis are never a good idea on a rocky mountain trail. I mean just bikinis, no tops over them and then they had flip flops on their feet. I had a hard enough time walking over the rocky terrain in my sneakers. And I could picture the girls tumbling down the rocks with their bikinis falling off and cuts and scrapes all over their cute little thin tiny bodies….

2. Guys in biking shorts – ok, I get this one, maybe they biked up to the trail and this is what they had on already but still…I’m not a fan of biking shorts, they are worse than bikinis….and what if they fall? Do guys wear cups under their biking shorts? You know like football players wear? Maybe they should if they are going to hike in them..just saying..

3. Bathing caps – a. I didn’t know anyone still wore bathing caps, let alone hike in one. b. why would you want to wear one to hike, its hot and this would make you even hotter. I hated wearing them to swim in when I was a kid. I had to do a double take to make sure it wasn’t some new kind of hiking head attire….nope it had the little strap hanging on the side. Where does one even find a bathing cap?

4. Dogs – I have a hard enough time hiking up the rocky trails, so I can’t even imagine how poor Fido feels. And then people were taking them up the high dangerous rocks on the falls. First of all there are signs posted everywhere not to climb on the rocks but everyone does anyway. If you want to fall to your bloody death, fine….But don’t make your dog do it with you. Did you even ask him if he wanted to do this?

5. Grandmothers that have a broken toe –  well there was really only one I know of and that would be me. These broken toed grandmothers have no business climbing up rocky mountain trails…also in the same vein, grand daughters who have sprained their wrists have no business trying to help said grandmother when she is falling down the mountain. But thank goodness she did.

“I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

6. People wearing perfume/cologne – just a gentle reminder here that maybe wearing a whole bottle of perfume or cologne to go hiking is not a good idea while out on the trail. Bugs absolutely love this stuff! I must say though..it was super nice passing these great smelling people. And I’m sure they loved the smell of us in return. Sweat smells awesome! Special note here: the people that smelled good were on their way up and us sweaty smelling people were on our way down…

7. Optional hiking attire – while hiking as a kid and almost ever since, most people would wear long pants and shirts and hiking boots or sneakers. Not anymore. Long jeans, which is a good idea to keep ticks off and mosquitos at bay…but long jeans and no shirt is just weird. Shorts and boots up to the knee (this was a man by the way). Sweatshirts and coats…it was 85 degrees and remember we were sweating…but they were better prepared for ticks and bugs than the shirtless guy. And lets not forget bikinis and biking shorts… I can’t, can you?

8. Serial Killers – I always think every guy hiking all by himself that I pass on the trail may be a serial killer. One guy we passed really did look like one….what do they look like you ask…oh yeah..they look like a nice guys and they are very quiet….and seriously don’t people hiking always find the dead person. So there must be some out there….

9. A rock growing out of a tree or a tree growing out of a rock – it had fallen over so it was hard to tell which one it was…but it was very cool…see picture below.

rock tree

rock growing out of a tree or tree growing out of a rock…

10. A towel – The towel was hanging over a tree limb and it said, “that’s just weird.” and it was….

All in all we had a great day on the mountain. The weather was beautiful. I didn’t die or crack my head open. And we had a teachable moment when I fell…I asked the kids what they would have done if I indeed would have cracked my head open. And my grand daughter said she would have taken my phone and called 911. We looked at my phone and I didn’t have any signal at all, so there went that great idea. I said then what would you have done, she said she would have screamed at the top of her lungs until someone came by and helped us. Ok, very good idea…we just have to hope it wouldn’t have been the serial killer.

Do you like to go hiking? What is the weirdest thing you ever saw? Please comment below and tell me what you have seen…

“And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.” ~ Unknown

 

 

09Jun/17
wedding rings, no wedding

10 Reasons Why I’m Not Married

Humor, Life, Rants, ,

first and foremost…no one has asked…but still.

wedding rings, no wedding

no thanks, I have plenty of jewelry..

Ok, before all the married people get offended I want to say this…I know and am personally friends with quite a few couples who have been married forever and are very happy. There are happy marriages. I’ve seen them and they are a wonderful thing. People do have them. I however am not one of those people. I was married once (ok twice to the same person so it really doesn’t count). I’ve been there, done that, have the shredded tee shirt. It is a lovely thing if you can pull it off, but many couples in todays world can’t or don’t even want to try.

Why did our parents and grandparents stay together and couples these days can’t? Was is just because they thought they had to? That society or their church would frown upon them getting divorced? I don’t know but I do know I was the first one in my family to get divorced and I was scared to death to tell my parents.They were very understanding and said if you aren’t happy then by all means you shouldn’t stay in the marriage.

I did have one long term relationship after the marriage and that lasted 10 years. But we didn’t get married. I felt deep inside that I would never get married again and  I needed to be honest and true to myself that I really was happier being single. I think I learned a lesson in my early marriage and it taught me who I was and I never wanted to lose that person again.

“if you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.” ~ Katherine Hepburn

I have talked a little about why I’m not married and never will be again but here are “10 reasons why I am not married.”

1. I really like sleeping by myself – I do, I admit it, I love sleeping by myself. I like having the whole bed to myself and have been doing it for so long now I don’t think I could ever sleep with someone again. Well I mean like really “sleep” with someone. All night.

2. I don’t want to Mother anyone except my kids – I have done this in past relationships, I have become their “mother”.  I have to do their wash, cook them meals and find stuff for them they can’t find like their keys, etc…I have enough trouble finding my own keys…I have kids, I don’t need anymore.

3. I don’t want to feel lonely –  Honestly there were many times I felt lonelier in my marriage and relationships then I do being single. I have friends and family and I am always busy doing something. That wasn’t always the case when I was married,

4. I don’t want to ask permission to do something – I know it is just being polite to ask if they mind if I go somewhere or get together with friends and don’t include them…but I don’t want to have to ask. I just want to do something when I want to do it. I’m a grown up and I should be able to do what I want when I want. And OMG, even if they say they don’t mind but you know they do because they get all whiny and depressed and say…”oh, you are still going to dinner with her tonight?” Um, yes, yes I am…

5. I don’t need someone to “complete” me – Hey I liked “Jerry Maguire” as well as the next person, in fact I loved that movie….but I don’t need anyone to complete me I don’t need to have someone to feel whole. I am pretty damn whole all by myself,

6. I don’t want to lose my friends – Honestly I have more friends now that I am not married than when I was. Maybe the fact that my ex was a sh*t had something to do with it, But I think when you are married you tend to spend time with the person you are married to and some times friendships get cast aside. You don’t mean to but it happens. I love my friends and want to keep them. All of them.

7. I don’t need to be married to have sex – It would be nice if I was indeed having said sex but my point being you don’t need to be married to do it. In fact sometimes the sex gets old and you just do it to do it and get it out of the way because you have done it for months. And you wind up feeling worse than before you did it. So I would rather not. And by the way, you don’t even need a man to have sex….

8. I don’t want to “obey” someone – Really why is that word even still in the marriage vows in this day and age? I tried doing it and I really did “obey” my husband for a while and then I didn’t. When i stopped obeying him is when we started having problems.

9. I don’t believe in fairy tales anymore – Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s we were all led astray by the books we read and movies we saw. You know the ones where  Prince Charming came riding up on his white horse, whisked us away and we “lived happily ever after.” Yeah, like that happens. And actually do we even want that to happen? Well ok, maybe for a day..or night…

10. And I really don’t like the whole “in sickness and in health” thing – Yeah, that whole thing doesn’t work for me. If a man gets sick with a cold, he is dying. I had 3 children naturally so believe me when I say I can’t stand a wimpy, whiny man with a cold. Get over it. I am not here on this earth to be a nurse to you. If I wanted to be a nurse I would have gotten a degree in nursing and been paid for it.

This concludes my list of reasons why I’m not married. I do have more but will save them for another day. I end as usual with a question and a quote. If you are not married and chose not to be, what are some of your reasons?

“There are some who want to get married and others who don’t. I have never had an impulse to go to the altar. I’m a difficult person to lead.” ~ Greta Garbo