first and foremost…no one has asked…but still.
Ok, before all the married people get offended I want to say this…I know and am personally friends with quite a few couples who have been married forever and are very happy. There are happy marriages. I’ve seen them and they are a wonderful thing. People do have them. I however am not one of those people. I was married once (ok twice to the same person so it really doesn’t count). I’ve been there, done that, have the shredded tee shirt. It is a lovely thing if you can pull it off, but many couples in todays world can’t or don’t even want to try.
Why did our parents and grandparents stay together and couples these days can’t? Was is just because they thought they had to? That society or their church would frown upon them getting divorced? I don’t know but I do know I was the first one in my family to get divorced and I was scared to death to tell my parents.They were very understanding and said if you aren’t happy then by all means you shouldn’t stay in the marriage.
I did have one long term relationship after the marriage and that lasted 10 years. But we didn’t get married. I felt deep inside that I would never get married again and I needed to be honest and true to myself that I really was happier being single. I think I learned a lesson in my early marriage and it taught me who I was and I never wanted to lose that person again.
“if you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.” ~ Katherine Hepburn
I have talked a little about why I’m not married and never will be again but here are “10 reasons why I am not married.”
1. I really like sleeping by myself – I do, I admit it, I love sleeping by myself. I like having the whole bed to myself and have been doing it for so long now I don’t think I could ever sleep with someone again. Well I mean like really “sleep” with someone. All night.
2. I don’t want to Mother anyone except my kids – I have done this in past relationships, I have become their “mother”. I have to do their wash, cook them meals and find stuff for them they can’t find like their keys, etc…I have enough trouble finding my own keys…I have kids, I don’t need anymore.
3. I don’t want to feel lonely – Honestly there were many times I felt lonelier in my marriage and relationships then I do being single. I have friends and family and I am always busy doing something. That wasn’t always the case when I was married,
4. I don’t want to ask permission to do something – I know it is just being polite to ask if they mind if I go somewhere or get together with friends and don’t include them…but I don’t want to have to ask. I just want to do something when I want to do it. I’m a grown up and I should be able to do what I want when I want. And OMG, even if they say they don’t mind but you know they do because they get all whiny and depressed and say…”oh, you are still going to dinner with her tonight?” Um, yes, yes I am…
5. I don’t need someone to “complete” me – Hey I liked “Jerry Maguire” as well as the next person, in fact I loved that movie….but I don’t need anyone to complete me I don’t need to have someone to feel whole. I am pretty damn whole all by myself,
6. I don’t want to lose my friends – Honestly I have more friends now that I am not married than when I was. Maybe the fact that my ex was a sh*t had something to do with it, But I think when you are married you tend to spend time with the person you are married to and some times friendships get cast aside. You don’t mean to but it happens. I love my friends and want to keep them. All of them.
7. I don’t need to be married to have sex – It would be nice if I was indeed having said sex but my point being you don’t need to be married to do it. In fact sometimes the sex gets old and you just do it to do it and get it out of the way because you have done it for months. And you wind up feeling worse than before you did it. So I would rather not. And by the way, you don’t even need a man to have sex….
8. I don’t want to “obey” someone – Really why is that word even still in the marriage vows in this day and age? I tried doing it and I really did “obey” my husband for a while and then I didn’t. When i stopped obeying him is when we started having problems.
9. I don’t believe in fairy tales anymore – Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s we were all led astray by the books we read and movies we saw. You know the ones where Prince Charming came riding up on his white horse, whisked us away and we “lived happily ever after.” Yeah, like that happens. And actually do we even want that to happen? Well ok, maybe for a day..or night…
10. And I really don’t like the whole “in sickness and in health” thing – Yeah, that whole thing doesn’t work for me. If a man gets sick with a cold, he is dying. I had 3 children naturally so believe me when I say I can’t stand a wimpy, whiny man with a cold. Get over it. I am not here on this earth to be a nurse to you. If I wanted to be a nurse I would have gotten a degree in nursing and been paid for it.
This concludes my list of reasons why I’m not married. I do have more but will save them for another day. I end as usual with a question and a quote. If you are not married and chose not to be, what are some of your reasons?
“There are some who want to get married and others who don’t. I have never had an impulse to go to the altar. I’m a difficult person to lead.” ~ Greta Garbo
20 thoughts on “10 Reasons Why I’m Not Married”
I live in an “over 55” community. NONE of the single women I know would want another marriage. One said “I’d like a man in my bed…but not in my life” And here, any single man seems to want “a nurse with a purse” While married (and mid-40’s) I had to travel on business for an entire week…alone. Never once had to say ‘what do you want to eat/see/do?’ Best week of that 20-year marriage!
You said it girlfriend! 🙂
I’ve been married for 35 years but I totally get every one of your reasons – especially the sleeping alone one. When my husband is away and I have the bed to myself with nobody snoring next to me I starfish out and smile. I wouldn’t swap him for the world, but there certainly won’t be a replacement if he ever moves on 🙂
Leanne, I hear this quite a bit from some of my married friends…thanks for your comments…
Amen, sister! Thanks for writing this!
I’m celebrating my 20th anniversary today, and can honestly say I’m happily married. I didn’t get married until I was 44, so I think I was able to work through a lot of “stuff” and be really clear about my needs/wants/expectations when I did tie the knot–so many of the reasons you cite just aren’t issues in my marriage. While I know I’d be content as a singleton, I’m delighted to share my life with a simpatico, loving mate.
Roxanne, you are right, maybe had I not married at 15 it would be different…glad you found your “person”…
I think you’ve found the way of life that works for you – and in doing so you’ve figured out what you want and don’t want.
So – – good for you and more power to ya!
I have Andrea! I am so satin my ways, no one could cope with me anyway..not even my daughter…
I think being single suits many women. 2 friends of mine whose husbands died both say they are not interested in getting remarried. Another friend who is a widow says she tried dating but felt men were looking for “a purse or a nurse”, and thats not her objective!
Oh, Haralee I like that, she is right..”a purse or a nurse”…I am neither..
I am thrilled to be married to my husband…but I would never get married again.
I hear that a lot Michelle!
I guess I never understand why people judge. And absolutely any realm. But most specifically in marriage and she said not to have kids. To each her own. And sometimes each makes a better choice than I did 🙂
Exactly Carla, this works for me…I never push my views on others…to each his own…
OMG, we are TWINS…these are exactly the reason I’ve been divorced 47 years, lmao. I LOVE #7, hahahahaha. Honestly I LOVE BEING SINGLE and think that is why most GALS are “jealous” cause I can come and go and do as I please. I worked hard for where I am today, never needed a man’s support or money, so I’m very proud of myself. LOVE YA SWEETIE…this was GREAT.
Glad you enjoyed it Susie! I had a feeling you would like it..LOL.
Love the post. Just like you I don’t think marriage is the ultimate level you need to achieve to me be happy. Unlike you I have never ever met a happily married couple. I’ve literally met ppl who envy me for all my freedom and independence. Seriously why do we even have this contract?
I agree…who needs it…Thanks Sara!