I just don’t know what “it” is…
I still got it…but where is it?
My friends and I recently were talking about how “we” are the old ones now…we used to be the cute ones, the pretty ones, the ones guys looked and even whistled at. But no more. We said, we are the old ones now…we are invisible. And I thought to myself…I used to be that one, the cute one, the young one…I used to have “it”…but where did “it” go? Are we invisible?
Having said that, I was at dinner with a group of people about a month ago and felt somewhat strange. I looked around the restaurant and there were quite a few men staring at me. I used to get that and my share of cat calls but it had been so long since that had happened I thought maybe my bra was sticking out of my top or I had toilet paper coming out of my pants. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why they were staring. Then I realized they were smiling and some were even winking. I didn’t get it at first and all of sudden it came to me…the men doing the staring were old too.
I have always dated men younger than me. I didn’t set out for that to happen, it just did. I liked doing the same things as younger guys and enjoyed the same music and activities. So I was just drawn to them. And I guess they were drawn to me too since it happened a lot that the men I dated were quite a bit younger. So seeing these “old guys” all staring at me and smiling kind of freaked me out a little. Why are they looking at me? And then I thought, “oh yeah, I’m old too” and I was just glad to have a guy stare at me no matter how old he was. I realized I liked it. So I smiled back.
Sometimes driving along on the road I will notice a guy zooming up alongside my car and then I look over and he quickly turns his head and speeds by. This happens all the time. I think because of my curly blonde hair they think I’m some young beautiful thing and then they see my face and know the ugly truth..I’m old. And do they really even see me? Since I am invisible…
“And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!”~ Audrey Hepburn
I read an article recently(I don’t know where)and it concluded by saying “yes, these days older women are invisible”. Its all about the young pretty girls. It is a sad state but I have to agree. I can be walking into a store and a man is holding the door open for a cute young thing and then I get there and he lets it go right as I walk up to it. I am not upset by this. I get it! I am invisible. He didn’t even see me.
Here is another example: A few months ago I was at a bar with a few friends and all eyes in the bar were on the younger woman in our group. Every where she went the eyes followed and the men came over to chat with her and buy her drinks. No one bought the rest of us a drink. No one even knew we were there. My one friend leaned over and whispered to me…”we are invisible.” And we were.
I didn’t realize how much I had enjoyed getting “the looks” until I didn’t get them any more. I took them for granted. I enjoyed the cute guys looking and all the attention I got back then. Now I will settle for the “old men” trying to get my attention in a restaurant. By the way, I’m thinking I need to go back to that restaurant soon….the food was good but “the looks” were great. And I wasn’t invisible any more.
Did you ever feel invisible? Do you feel like we are treated differently because we are old?
“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, beautiful old people are works of art.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Imagine if we could be really invisible and do things like sneak into movies and pull Halloween pranks year-round? 🙂
I know, right…I would love that Linda!
I have been invisible for years and embrace it now because I will never look like I did when I was in my twenties or thirties so why resist and feel not enough!
I think I was just excited to be “not invisible” once again… I do not ever feel “not enough”…believe me, I am “enough”
Did I say that bitchy comment? I am sorry Renee! A bit of a flirt is certainly welcomed !
I didn’t take it as bitchy Haralee…but thanks…
yup! I feel totally invisible. Like you… I think I used to be cute. Not that I want male attention. Because I don’t. But still…. I realised in the last decade it hasn’t been happening. In fact like I told my husband, I wouldn’t even know what to do if I did get hit on. He said I may need to hang out at other places than the grocery store in the middle of the afternoon. Of course I don’t even really notice nice looking men anymore either. Maybe out there, there are middle-age men thinking…hmm I am not getting the looks from the ladies anymore. Then they proceed to buy a sports car.
You are so right Michele, and they drive their sports car around looking for the cute young things….
As a woman who is well into her forties, I would be shocked if I ever got ‘looks’ from men at bars. It is nice to get them but it gets rarer with each passing year. Sad yet true.
I am sure you get looks Jen, you are beautiful and I got them in my 50’s…just not in my 60’s! Except for the old guys last month!
I think one of the reasons I was alone for those 6 yrs is cause only younger guys hit on me and what do we really have in common with them? It seems the guys my age were hooking up with younger girls! It was frustrating. Renee…I’m sure the guys still check you out…you’re just looking the wrong way. lol
Maybe you are right Peg, I will try and look a different way next time I am out! LOL
I recall that one incident.. we almost had to pinch each other to make sure we were actually there..lololol
Yes, you were there..LOL…
I have a sister just two years younger than I, and she is the family beauty. So I grew up being asked “Is your sister available?” by boys my age and men my age. So starting at about age 15, I adopted an identity that wasn’t dependent on my appearance. Nevertheless, as the brain of the family and the professional woman, I have noticed that ageism hits professional women earlier than men. I have had to recalibrate how I work on teams with people of various generations. And I’ve decided that if people are going to discredit me based on my age, they are the ones who are diminished–not I. I don’t have time to be enraged over other people’s narrow mindedness. And I’m also doing more volunteer work where I nurture people younger than I and support people older than I. I’m enjoying spending time with 5 different age groups. And if I work on my appearance, it’s more about going to the gym than it is about cosmetic beauty. But then being told as a teen that I was homely really helped remove my ego from the equation. I cried a lot in my teens, but ultimately I was empowered by not ever trading on my looks.
Karen, I agree and this is written to be “sort of” funny…at least I hope it is. I don’t identify with my looks, but have to say it was nice to be noticed…and I am glad you happy with yourself….that is all that truly matters.
Totally invisible! Even in meetings. And I used to be the funny one. The one that made everyone laugh. Now I go everywhere with my granddaughter. The guys who would like her to notice them are REALLY nice to me! 😉
I know Diane, how did all this happen?
The trick is to go out with friends to dark bars. I’ve done this a few times and been chatted up by men in their 20s…who thought I was also in my 20s (I’m 51!). This isn’t because I’m fabulously fit, and look extraordinarily young for my age, it’s because it was nearly pitch black and the young men were drunk. Who cares?! I went home happy 🙂
Oh Marie, that is too funny…maybe I will try that..
I’ve signed up to your blog. I’ve read a couple of your posts and you made me smile, plus you don’t write enormous rambling essays! 🙂
I signed up to yours too..and followed you on Twitter..thanks Marie!