Do your friends lift you up or pull you down?
Girlfriends
Having just returned from my annual Girlfriends Weekend yesterday, my mind was filled with so many different thoughts and feelings as I feel asleep last night. The women I go on this trip with are all different ages and range from almost 70 to others in their 40’s and 50’s. We have a core group that has always gone and from time to time we have invited a few others. But this core group of women and our conversations this weekend were what caused me to write this post today.
We talk about many subjects while we are together and do many things, but one thing stands out in my mind and that is how we constantly build each other up. No one ever tries to belittle you or make you feel less than. We even talked about this very topic over our 4 days together. You hear and see so many stories in todays social media crazed world about women tearing other women apart due to something they have said or the way they look. I have to say and maybe its because I lucked out in the friends department( I do know I have), but all my women friends always lift me up and I feel better about myself and the world in general when I leave them.
I never understood why someone had to make another feel small to make themselves feel better. I have seen this many times over the course of my life, especially in the workplace. There would be a person that was my superior who thought they needed to control you or belittle you to make them feel like a better boss or a more important person. And in all honesty and I really hate to admit this, most of the time the boss who did this was a woman. I have had several women managers over my many years in the work environment and 9 times out of 10 I had this kind of boss. I must say, I also had several wonderful women who mentored me and I truly felt they wanted to see me succeed. I think those women knew the secret, that if I succeeded it could only make them look good.
In my opinion women should do everything they can to help other women. This is a tough world we live in and we don’t get out alive. So why not help others along the way on this journey called life. I don’t get it, but maybe this is something you don’t learn until you are older. Like so many other things we learn as we age and we are all so busy trying to survive that it is hard sometimes to look beyond our own little world. I don’t think I fully understood this completely myself until a few years ago. I wish I had realized all of this earlier so that maybe I could have helped more younger women going through some of the things I did. I have tried to mentor quite a few over the years and can only hope I succeeded.
Men seem to support other men and not feel so threatened. At least this has been my experience when observing them together. So I don’t know why women think it is ok to hurt other women. We women are thought to have more emotional and caring mechanisms than men do. So then explain to me why this happens. Why do women do this to one another? I know both of my daughters have had similar stories where they had a woman who was their superior act in such a way it caused them to leave the position. However I can truly say I feel both of them try their best to help other women. I have already started speaking to my nine year old grand daughter about this, but somehow I don’t think she needs me to tell her. She is a very kind and generous child and I know she will help others. She already does.
I want to say how grateful I am to all the women who have helped me throughout my life. I know I am blessed to have had so many of them at various times and it seemed each one came when I needed them the most. Some of them are no longer here and some have moved on but they will always be remembered for what they gave me. I can only hope I gave back some of that support in return.
Lets all try to be more supportive of others whether it be a woman or man. Did you ever feel like someone was trying to bring you down? Do you have a person in your life that has lifted you up? I would love to hear your stories.
“We are not here on earth to see through each other, we are here to see each other through.” ~Unknown
I haven’t had the experience of having a bad female boss, quite the contrary. However, I’ve had the experience of having catty female co-workers. Sometimes, in the workplace, it seems many women spend way too much time spreading gossip about each other and other workers. It seems to me this is a huge waste of time. Instead of gossiping, we could be talking about who needs an extra helping hand or extra support. In spite of this being the 21st century, the workplace remains a hostile place for most women.
-Fabiola at wonderfabi.wordpress.com
You are so right Fabiola! And how lucky you have had great female bosses. I have had some very good ones as well.. Thanks for commenting…
“We are not here on earth to see through each other, we are here to see each other through.” ~Unknown
Awwww <3 lovely friends you have!
Thank you! And yes I do!
You know my position on this. I’ve always felt like I work hard to be a great friend, to the many friends I have in my life. But sometimes, due to insecurity, jealousy or bitterness of their own life, a person feels threatened by another woman who is finding success, has a good man in her life, who gets through life’s hurdles and moves on with life. Sometimes people can’t deal with happy, successful people. We all have to remember it has more to do with them, than with us. Love your posts. Great job my friend!! I count you among my good ones!! 🙂
Likewise Caressa! I know we have talked about this many times…And thank you for your friendship and support!
Love it. You are lucky to have that group of gals to do this with. While ii can say I have lots of friends I honestly wonder about the WOMEN friends. Makes me sad. Seems like they are jealous of each other (or me) and for no reason. I love Em all the same. But if I do something with one, another acts up…really pisses me off. Have more male friends although I don’t get to go places with them lol. Just want their friendship. So be glad you have this group of gals to lift you up!!! Love ya
Thanks Susie! I am very blessed in the friends dept…that is for sure…but I am selective of the ones I call friends..a real friend doesn’t act the way you described…we aren’t in high school anymore..people need to grow up. Life is too short to tear each other apart..we need to build each other up! Luv ya too!
I fully agree with you, Renee. For the most part, in my work experience, my male bosses were more supportive and instructive than female supervisors I had. But, on the other hand, I think that women are more supportive and caring friends to each other than what men experience. I am blessed, as you also appear to be, with those kind of friendships. Who has time and energy for toxic people!
Agree Cheri, and you are one of the ones that lift me up!
I see this all of the time too! I grew up with 4 brothers and at least according to my husband I think more like a man. I don’t get it at all. I’ve had this happen to me several times in my lifetime , but I cannot imagine doing it to someone else.
I don’t get it either Rena!
My present manager (a woman) at work is a lifter-upper and not a puller downer. I look at her background – as a single mother (years ago) she raised two children, working two jobs. She was in the trenches and learned from her experiences. Too bad women don’t learn the lessons of needing to support each other. I can’t understand why so many women feel the need to put other women down rather than to help pull them up. There’s just no time for the haters.
I agree Alana! I am glad you have a lifter-upper…like that term…Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I am with you, why spend time with people who put you down! I have a SIL who does this so I spend very very little time with her.
Agree Haralee, no time for the haters…