Category Archives: Life


Just Some Random Thoughts…

some funny, some sad and some just random…


my happy place…

We all need a happy place to go to… some days we need them more than others. I try very hard  each and every day to find some good in the world. Some days it is harder than others. Today is one of those days. I wanted to write a post that was uplifting and happy. I couldn’t think of anything. And then I decided to just write what was going through my mind today…on any given day I have a lot of stuff going through my mind. I know this is hard for some of you to digest… the fact there is anything at all going on in my mind but there is. Here are a few things I am pondering today…

  1. I looked at the date and realized it was Oct 3rd. I was married on Oct 3, 1965. That was 52 years ago. Wow. How does that even happen? Of course I know how long ago it is since my oldest child is 51 and a constant reminder of how old I am. I am no longer married to that guy or any guy but thinking about that day was a sweet memory.
  2. It’s Fall and the leaves are falling off the trees. I used to love this time of year and now I don’t. The falling leaves make me sad now and the darkness in the morning and early evening do as well. I don’t know when this started, but I’m not liking the change of season.
  3. My 50th class reunion is coming up in a little over a week. Again, how does this happen? What do I wear? Who will be there? Can I lose 10 lbs before then?
  4. Thinking about the up coming class reunion brings another thought to mind…at the 25th reunion I ran into an old boyfriend and kinda sorta rekindled a high school thing we had. It didn’t turn out well. The whole “rekindling thing” turned out to be much like high school all over again. Just found out he was going to be at the 50th. It could go one of two ways. He is either going to ignore me due to the way I left things or he wants to try the whole “rekindling thing” again…I am hoping to be ignored…Note: depending on what happens.. future blog post..
  5. My youngest grandchild and I decorated for Halloween last night. He was so excited to do it. I remember all the others were too. Now he is the only one who still is.
  6. After the decorating was completed the grand asked if we could look at Amazon for things he may want for his birthday and Christmas. He wanted to put them in my shopping cart so I wouldn’t forget what he wants. My cart is now full of Legos and games.
  7. Tom Petty died last night at 66. I am 67.
  8. Face timed with the Vermont grands last night and the youngest told me he was playing the triangle in the band and some other percussion instruments…before he could even get the words out I was going to ask if he saw the new Geico commercial with the guy playing the triangle..and he said have you seen the Geico commercial…and we both started laughing. If you haven’t seen it yet, google it. Hilarious…well at least I think it is…
  9. I haven’t been to the beach…my favorite place in the world in a few months. It’s time for me to go there again. I need to smell the salty air and just breathe…

There you have it! These were just some of the things going through my mind today. I know there are only 9 and most times I post ten things..Some things you just need to keep in your head and not say them out loud…or in a blog post. And I already know I’m weird you don’t have to tell me. I will try to find something good today even as the leaves fall outside my window. I challenge everyone reading this to look for the good. You might just be amazed at how many “good things” you will find. And if you can’t find the the good!

Do you have weird thoughts going through your mind too? Or is it just me…I hope not.

“Never let a day pass without looking for the good, feeling the good within you, praising, appreciating, blessing and being grateful. Make it your life commitment and you will stand in utter awe of what happens in your life.” ~ Rhonda Byrne



What’s That Smell??

what’s your favorite scent memory….


smell the flowers…. 

As you may or may not know, I am a perfume rep. Yes, I am one of those annoying people you walk by in department stores and try so hard to avoid. Although I, myself am not annoying(just wanted to add that)and do not try to spray anyone with my fragrance of the moment. I just stand there peacefully at the perfume counter holding my bottle and blotter cards and watch as people walk by and try very hard to either ignore me or hold their noses and run by me at top speed….I have been doing this job off and on now for over 14 years. Sometimes it is fun and sometimes its annoying and some times it brings back some great memories of days gone by. Take for instance this week…while I was working the other day one of the women who work in another department came by and I don’t remember how or why we started the conversation but it led to us discussing how many fragrances there are now and how few there were back when we were young.

We talked about the old perfumes of yesterday and what our mothers and grandmothers wore. Smells of the past like Emeraude by Coty(1921) and Tabu by Dana(1932). I can still smell each of them and it makes me feel a little sad. Of course this conversation brought up the question, “what was the first fragrance you ever wore?” Her first was Charlie and I think mine was Ambush(50’s) and then later thanks to my BFF Peggy…Royal Secret by Germaine Monteil. I felt so grown up wearing that fragrance even though it was a bit overwhelming for a teenager especially when all the rest of our friends were still wearing Ambush or the new hot one at the time, Charlie, that I mentioned my friend wore…

A few others from the 50’s and 60’s are My Sin and Arpege by Lanvin, Youth Dew, Joy by Jean Patou, Yardely and Jean Nate, which came out many years prior to the 50’s but was popular during that time period. I never liked Jean Nate by the way…Then in the 70’s Coty debuted Obsession and Eternity… both of which are still very popular to this day. I remember during the 80’s Giorgio came out and everyone was falling all over themselves for that one for quite a while. Never was a fan…

“Perfume is the key to our memories.” ~ Kate Lord Brown

Not to be ignored were the men’s fragrances…and they were plentiful…from the 50’s and 60’s came English Leather(one of my all time favs), Hai Karate, Canoe, British Sterling and Jade East. Old Spice from back in the 30’s was still very popular with the Dads…and Grandpas..I remember getting Grandpa a bottle every year for Christmas. Not sure he ever wore it, but he would smile a huge smile and thank me ever so much for the present, year after year.

While searching Wikipedia to see when some of these fragrances first appeared, I was amazed to see a lot of them came out in the 30’s and were still around in the 50’s and 60’s. Some of them are still going strong even today…and I do mean strong. Scents such as Evening in Paris, Chantilly, Opium and Shalimar are still around today, compare that to some of the new ones brought out every single year and by the beginning of the following year… are long gone.

I wore Royal Secret for quite a few years and then switched to L’Air du Temps and later Tresor. In the 90’s I was into L’ Eau D’Issey, Issey Miyake. I felt so avant garde wearing it. I didn’t switch my perfumes. I believed and still believe in having a “signature scent.” I now wear Chloe and have worn it for years. I love it and get lots of compliments on it. The new perfumes come and go but I think some of the old ones are still the best. Chloe, by designer Gaby Aghion first appeared in 1952, from what I see on various websites about perfume. I wore that one for a long time. The new Chloe is a bit different but I truly love the scent so much. It makes me feel “dressed up” when I spray it on every day.

Fragrance is an important part of our past. Smelling one of these old scents bring back so many memories. It is funny how much of an impact it can truly have. I can be walking somewhere and get a whiff of my Mom and Grandma and lately… my dear son. My own grand kids have even brought this subject up…yes, boys who pay no mind to anything remotely having to do with fashion or perfume. They say they know me by my smell. At least it makes me happy that I am known for something.

What was and is your favorite scent? What memories do certain fragrances bring to mind for you?

“Perfume is a way of stopping time. You smell a beautiful scent and you remember something.” ~ Isabel Toledo

York Fair

Memories Of Going To The Fair

remembering good times from days gone by….

York Fair

The Fair…

My oldest daughter and I took two of the grand kids to the fair yesterday. We had a wonderful time even though the weather was so hot and sticky for a day in late September and sweat continuously rolled down my back the entire time. But that isn’t the topic today. Being with my family and enjoying the fair I have been going to my whole life is … It is weird how you can go to something and see it differently depending on who you are with at the time. Seeing anything through the eyes of a child is always an experience, but seeing the fair of my youth through the eyes of my grandchildren is truly an eye opening one indeed.

The fair has changed, so has everything in my life. We age and things change. It’s a fact of life. Do we really expect everything to stay the same for 50 or 60 years? That isn’t even feasible nor do I think we would want it to. I think having the kids with me reminded me of when I was like them and everything was new and exciting. You don’t have anything to compare it to at that young age, so you just enjoy it. The kids don’t say “why isn’t the burger stand we loved still here” or “I loved that other pizza, what happened to that”… They had both burgers and pizza and didn’t compare them to the ones from long ago, they just enjoyed the ones they were eating today.

I went to the fair with my parents and sister back in the day. We enjoyed going and looked forward to it every year. I would eat myself silly(yes, the burgers and the pizza) and always.. always left with a chameleon pinned to my shirt. It would barely live until we got home, but I so loved those poor little things. Then of course I was a teen ager and couldn’t go with my parents any longer so I went with my friends. We dressed up for the fair, we all wore our wool bermuda shorts, fur blend sweaters, knee high socks and penny loafers. It didn’t matter if the temperature was 89 degrees, that is what we wore. Oh yes, we were very cool back then…and oh so fashionable and trendy…  But, we also cared about how we looked and didn’t have half our body hanging out for the world to see or leggings so tight they look like skin.

“The heart, like the mind, has a memory. And in it are kept the most precious keepsakes. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I remember taking my own children to the fair. They loved it and we at one point lived less than a block away so we went almost every day. I told the grands a few stories of their aunts and their Daddy’s days at the fair… which of course they loved hearing. My youngest loved the chameleons too and had one for quite awhile… unbelievably, until it’s inevitable demise. She was crushed of course and buried it in the back yard with it’s head sticking out so she could still see it. Their Daddy would play the game where you would throw pennies and later dimes into glasses and then win all the glasses that you somehow managed to get money into. Needless to say, my supply of glasses were endless. I can still see him walking proudly in the door, arms loaded with a bazillion glasses, and a big smile on his face. I still have many of those glasses to this day.

I think running into friends and family members at the fair was the best part of all. The food, the rides, the side shows…oh the side shows were awesome…but running into family and friends was truly the best back then. That is still the best part for me and yesterday was no different. We met up with family and a few friends and it brought back even more memories for me. We met up with my niece, of course she is all grown up with a fiancé now, but as I looked at her I saw her as a little girl asking me to help her play a game of shooting water into a clowns mouth. We would go to the fair in later years with my Mom, my sister and my 2 nieces and my own 3 kids. There is definitely a big hole in my heart going to the fair now without my Mom and sister who have passed. They both loved the fair, more than any 2 people I know and they went every day it was in town. So to go there without them is hard. And I fully expect to see them pop out any minute as we walk along the midway. But of course that doesn’t happen.

The older we get the more memories we have stored in our hearts. Sometimes those memories are fun to remember and sometimes they roll down our cheeks. Either way, we have them and cherish each and every one… One day I will recall taking these two young children to the fair and telling them the stories I told them yesterday. One day when they are much older….And on that day maybe they will remember me as they take children of their own to the fair.

Do you love going to the fair or anywhere with your kids or grandkids and sharing stories of the past with them?

“Life is a beautiful collage of precious moments and memories, which when pieced all together creates a unique treasured masterpiece.” ~ Melanie M. Koulouris






Weird Things I Saw At Work Last Week!

and this was just one week people….ONE!


did you see that?

I haven’t felt much like writing lately. I have things I want to write about but some how I’m just not feeling it. I can honestly say this is the first time in over my 2 years of writing here on my little blog that I don’t feel like writing. There is so much going on around us right now in the world…hatred, fires, floods and so much more…that it is so hard to write something that is meaningful or uplifting. I thought about it a bit more and then I just decided on “silly.” I see so many weird things everyday while at the mall and working in the store that there are tons to choose from. Here are just a few things I saw last week. Enjoy! Hope I can make you smile. 🙂

1. Man with a Q Tip – A man was slowly walking around the cosmetic counter with his wife..looking at everything on it for quite awhile. I finally saw him reach in one of the containers and pull out a Q Tip…I thought to myself..oh no, he isn’t even..but yes, yes he did. Right in the middle of the cosmetic section he put the thing in his ear and began to wiggle it around. Then pulled the offending object out and stared at it. I had to look away so I don’t know what he did with it. And I really didn’t want to know.

2. The Stroller –  A lady with a child in a stroller, one of the mall owned strollers came by by counter and stood there for a while looking and smelling the various fragrances we have. I looked down at the child and on the back of the stroller was a bag attached there for the customers to put their purchases in. That was fine, what was weird was the sentence written in large letters on that bag. “Please don’t put your child in this bag.” Really, it has come to this…a mother doesn’t know not to put her child in this small bag on the back of a stroller..

3. Toilet Paper Roll – As I was walking around the store one day last week I spied something laying in the middle of the aisle. As I got closer I could see it was a roll of toilet paper. This made me think…did someone need this so badly they took it from the bathroom, used it and then discarded it out there on the floor? Or did they bring it from home and do the same? Neither of these choices seem like good ones to me.

4. Couples on the escalator –  I see this happening all the time not just this week. a couple is going up or down the escalator together and they start making out. I mean really making out. Please tell me what is so exciting about riding the escalator that it turns you on and you need to make out right there in front of everyone else riding it. I ride up and down the darn thing all the time and it doesn’t do jack for me!

5. People wearing weird stuff – I have see some weird clothing styles and people wearing things they really shouldn’t forever..but recently it seems to have gotten so much worse. I don’t even know where these people are finding the things they wear! Weirdos R Us maybe?

6. Kids on the escalator – I see this all the time too! Kids running up and down the wrong way on the escalator. Little kids, like 4 year olds. They fall and get back up and do it again. No parents in sight of course. I can’t stand to watch it so I turn and walk away. Why don’t I say something you ask? Well I used to…that is until once a little one about 4 or 5 was doing this and I said, “please stop doing that you might get hurt”..the Mother heard me and finally ran over and screamed at me to stop yelling at her child. I told her I didn’t want to see her child get hurt and that in fact I wasn’t yelling. She stared at me, pulled the child off the escalator and stormed away.

7. Men Spraying Women’s Perfume – this wouldn’t be weird except for the fact they aren’t spraying it on a card so they can smell it, they are spraying it all over themselves. I casually tell them this is women’s perfume…to which they reply..yes, I know. I often wonder what the wife says when they get home….

8. Kids Skateboarding –  In the store. This is a department store I am talking about. It is bad enough people come through with their ice cream cones and whatever else they may be eating and put their dirty hands all over the clothing…but kids skateboarding through the store. Thank heavens that the “sneakers with the rollers” thing has passed because that was really annoying…so is skateboarding,

9. Woman Wearing a Tent – I’m not talking about a big dress or moo moo type dress as we used to call them, I am talking about an actual tent. She had a white tent on, as a dress. I mean maybe I missed the memo about the newest and greatest style ever…tent dresses… but I didn’t see or hear about this one. It may have it’s benefits due to the fact you can go camping immediately after shopping. Also, I really wish I could take pictures of these things, but I’m afraid I will be caught and then screamed at by someone. You can’t make this stuff up. Really, you can’t!

10. A Cat – I have discussed the whole “service dog” thing here before, I believe people need them and they are worthwhile. Is a Chihuahua a service dog, I don’t think so but that isn’t why we came here… I was working the other day, everything kinda quiet and then all of the sudden I heard my coworker scream. I looked over at her and she says…loudly I might add…”Cat”..I see a woman carrying her cat through the store. She was not happy that my co worker screamed and gently hugged her cat and walked away. I thought that was the end of it and that we must now have an Animal Hospital in the mall. But no, she kept walking around with this cat in her arms. and continued to walk by my poor coworker who is deathly scared of cats. So each time she did, my coworker screamed and the woman stared. Thankfully the event did not go on for too much longer and the woman and her “service cat” left the building. Again, you can’t make this stuff up!

There you have it, my “weird things I saw” list from last week. What is the weirdest thing you ever saw at work? I will be keeping track of these things and report back should there continue to be more weirdness…and I’m sure there will be.

“If you just go with the flow, no matter what weird things happen along the way, you will always end up exactly where you belong.” ~ Tom Upton


game over

Things We Shouldn’t Do After 60!!

really?…don’t tell me what to do!

game over

is it over for us after 60 or should we just do what we want?

I have been reading so many articles on Facebook and in magazines lately stating we shouldn’t do this or that after 50. Well I am over 60, so should I just crawl in a hole and give up? I think we earned the right to do whatever we want at this age…within reason that is..and if we are not breaking any laws. But here are some of the stupid things I have read that we shouldn’t be doing.

Women over 30 shouldn’t have long hair – I remember back in the 60’s Mom telling some of her women friends they should cut their hair. Mom did some of the neighbor ladies hair and she would tell them straight out they shouldn’t have long hair at their age. I think they were probably in their 40’s. What???? Why can’t an older women have long hair if she so desires? Where is it written she can’t? What does having long hair have to do with age anyway? I had long hair way into my late 40’s and several times after that and no one ever mentioned I shouldn’t. Not that I would have listened to them anyway.

Women over 20…, yes you read this right, 20…should not wear leggings –  Ok, I can see why “they” are saying this. Seeing some of the people who do is certainly reason enough to make a case for this, but… I say anyone can wear them…just for the love of all that is holy….wear a long top….very long. And never…never wear nude colored leggings(this is my own rule).

Women over a certain age should not wear pants –  They really didn’t mention the age. Just “over a certain age”… For heavens sake, why? I would rather see a woman in pants than see her scrawny, wrinkly, dried up legs. This may or may not be coming from my own personal experience….and me seeing my own legs in the mirror.. Just again, wear pants that fit and are appropriate to your size.

“People say women shouldn’t have long hair over a certain age, but I’ve never done what everyone says.” ~ Jane Seymour

We should not drink more than 7 glasses of wine a week – That is one per day, (whew..)…but really? I don’t always have that many, some weeks go by without even one glass, but sometimes you just need to “wine”… and aren’t “they” always telling us to have more fruit…like we are supposed to eat several servings a day. Does a glass of wine count as a serving of fruit? I say yes, yes it does.

If we are over 60 we should not eat sweets – Ok, now “they” have just gone too far! Who are “they” anyway? I bet “they” are sitting in their office somewhere with their bag of M&M’s typing away while writing this stuff…and laughing their heads off. I know people that never ate anything bad and… they still died… everything in moderation people..everything in moderation!

We should not do body shots – Don’t ask..

Women over 30 shouldn’t wear blue jeans – I have already discussed this in depth here… Forever In Blue Jeans

“Young. Old. Just words.” ~ George Burns

People over the age of 60 should not, I repeat should NOT use exercise equipment – Ok, this one I love…we are more apt to get hurt and do harm to ourselves by using the equipment at the gym. We are better off walking or just doing exercises. So thank you to the “they” that wrote this one…Now we have a good excuse to “Not” go to the gym. I am not making this up, I saw it…somewhere…

Men over 40 should not wear baseball caps – Ok, this one is just plain ridiculous. I would rather see an older guy in a baseball cap and have it on his head the correct way then see a 12 year old with it on sideways…

There you have it. This is not meant to be taken seriously by any means. Who knows who “they” are, sitting around thinking up these things in the first place. My take on all of this is … Life is short. We should all do what makes us feel good! Like I said before we have earned the right at our age to feel good and enjoy life! But also be careful out there and make sure you aren’t taking too many chances. We look in the mirror and think, who is that old person looking back at us. We don’t feel like we are this age, but we are. There are two things I know for sure that we definitely shouldn’t do at our age… we should not hold onto grudges or live in the past. This will hurt us more than any wine we drink or sweets we eat. So Enjoy yourselves and above all, have fun and dance to the music!

Do you have any good ideas to add to the ones I’ve written? What do you think about this? As always I enjoy reading your comments.

“Just be yourself. Let people see the real imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful and magical person that you are.” ~ Unknown






lookin good...

“I’ve Still Got It!”

I just don’t know what “it” is…

lookin good...

I still got it…but where is it?

My friends and I recently were talking about how “we” are the old ones now…we used to be the cute ones, the pretty ones, the ones guys looked and even whistled at. But no more. We said, we are the old ones now…we are invisible. And I thought to myself…I used to be that one, the cute one, the young one…I used to have “it”…but where did “it” go? Are we invisible?

Having said that, I was at dinner with a group of people about a month ago and felt somewhat strange. I looked around the restaurant and there were quite a few men staring at me. I used to get that and my share of cat calls but it had been so long since that had happened I thought maybe my bra was sticking out of my top or I had toilet paper coming out of my pants. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why they were staring. Then I realized they were smiling and some were even winking. I didn’t get it at first and all of sudden it came to me…the men doing the staring were old too.

I have always dated men younger than me. I didn’t set out for that to happen, it just did. I liked doing the same things as younger guys and enjoyed the same music and activities. So I was just drawn to them. And I guess they were drawn to me too since it happened a lot that the men I dated were quite a bit younger. So seeing these “old guys” all staring at me and smiling kind of freaked me out a little. Why are they looking at me? And then I thought, “oh yeah, I’m old too” and I was just glad to have a guy stare at me no matter how old he was. I realized I liked it. So I smiled back.

Sometimes driving along on the road I will notice a guy zooming up alongside my car and then I look over and he quickly turns his head and speeds by. This happens all the time. I think because of my curly blonde hair they think I’m some young beautiful thing and then they see my face and know the ugly truth..I’m old. And do they really even see me? Since I am invisible…

“And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!”~ Audrey Hepburn

I read an article recently(I don’t know where)and it concluded by saying “yes, these days older women are invisible”. Its all about the young pretty girls. It is a sad state but I have to agree. I can be walking into a store and a man is holding the door open for a cute young thing and then I get there and he lets it go right as I walk up to it. I am not upset by this. I get it! I am invisible. He didn’t even see me.

Here is another example: A few months ago I was at a bar with a few friends and all eyes in the bar were on the younger woman in our group. Every where she went the eyes followed and the men came over to chat with her and buy her drinks. No one bought the rest of us a drink. No one even knew we were there. My one friend leaned over and whispered to me…”we are invisible.” And we were.

I didn’t realize how much I had enjoyed getting “the looks” until I didn’t get them any more. I took them for granted. I enjoyed the cute guys looking and all the attention I got back then. Now I will settle for the “old men” trying to get my attention in a restaurant. By the way, I’m thinking I need to go back to that restaurant soon….the food was good but “the looks” were great. And I wasn’t invisible any more.

Did you ever feel invisible? Do you feel like we are treated differently because we are old?

“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, beautiful old people are works of art.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


where is the music

Where Has The Music Gone?

I think the music died….or is it me?

where is the music

seriously, where has it gone..

Ok, I feel like some old woman writing this but I have to get this off my chest once and for all. I really hope I am not the only one who feels this way. What the heck is going on with music these days? Is the stuff we are hearing even considered music? A lot of it is produced in a studio and everything else is added later…like the lyrics…and the music… I don’t even know where to begin, I turn on the radio and can’t find one single station I like so I wind up listening to the news station and hate that even more.

I don’t like any of the new stuff coming out. I did think I liked some of the new groups that I heard and even went to see a few of them and then they came out with some new stuff and I hated it. Half of the new music I can’t even listen to. It’s just annoying. Really it is…I don’t even know how to even classify what they are. Because, Rock isn’t rock. Pop isn’t pop and even Country isn’t country anymore…what is it? Because it sure isn’t County music. For example…Nelly made a country song and is on tour with Florida Georgia Line…What?

We have gone to a bunch of concerts lately and they are all from years gone by. But each time I go to one I seem to find “my Music”…We recently saw Foreigner, Cheap Trick and Queen…all from the 70’s. The concerts were awesome and so were the musicians. They were enjoying what they were doing and still getting it done after all these years. Queen was the very first concert I ever went to back in the early 70’s and they sounded just as awesome now as they did then. Back then Freddie Mercury performed and he was flamboyant and his vocals second to none. The group has had Adam Lambert filling in for Freddy and he is doing a great job. He is equally flamboyant with his constant costume changes and vocals that match or at least come very close to Freddies. I was dancing in my seat!

“Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul.” ~ Plato

When the music awards shows are on tv I barely know any of the groups up for the awards. When I watch morning shows like Good Morning America I don’t know who most of the bands are that they have play on their concerts in the park days. The ones they do have playing have to be bleeped the whole way through the song so why even bother to have them on. And don’t even get me started on the whole lip sync thing. So many pf the performers these days do it. I remember back in the day when we found out Milli Vanilli lip synced and lost their Grammy award. Oh the horror…

After going to these concerts and loving the music….all of the sudden I had a thought, wait a minute I love this stuff. I still like music. In fact I LOVE music. I decided I like my old music, music from the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. Oh Dear Lord…I feel like I’m turning into my parents…is this how they felt when they heard our music? But how could they? Our music was music. The Beatles, The Temptations, The Four Tops. You can’t say these bands were not great music.

Having come to this recent “light bulb going off” moment… I decided I will just have to listen to my old CD’s and an oldies station. I have tapes with so many great bands on them, but alas we don’t listen to tapes anymore. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t even find an oldies station on the radio. They used to have them, lots of them…I guess it’s all about pay radio now. I think I’ll just have to get some more CD’s of all my favorite old bands because I really do love music and want to listen to it. I just need to find it.

What do you think? Do you like today’s music or long for the music of yesterday?

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”~ F. Nietzsche


seeing clearly

“I Can See Clearly Now”

a few fun facts about my recent cataract surgery…(shout out to Johnny Nash)

seeing clearly

I can see again…and without binoculars!

I just completed my second cataract surgery this week. Believe me the actual surgery is much easier than the all the prep work and drops before and after the surgery. Having one eye done and then waiting three weeks until the second one can be done is hard. The good eye fights the bad one and sometimes it is just very tiring. The best part of it all is…I CAN SEE AGAIN! Many thoughts went through my head during the surgery and the whole recovery process. Here are a few reflections on my surgery.

1. Cataract surgery isn’t all that bad. The actual surgery is over in about 10 minutes… Its all the prep work, drops and things you can and can’t do before and after that are a pain. Most people who have told me how easy it was only had one eye done. Not both. That is the hard part, the waiting for the second eye to get done so your eyes stop fighting each other. And the drops…oh yes, the drops. I would stand in front of the mirror and think, did I put the drop in or did I just check the little box on my eye drop chart and not put it in?? Every. Single.Time.

2. You don’t know how bad your eyes really are until they are better. Everything is so clear, bright and WHITE… even inside the house. I wear my sunglasses inside the house now.

3. I hate all the rules and precautions. My favorite… Don’t bend. If you have to bend, bend at the knees, not at the waist! I never think about bending…ever…until I’m told I can’t. Do you even know how many times a day you bend??? A lot! I drop so many things now of course and I have to remember, bend at the knees…bend at the knees. Or I just leave it lay there on the floor and hope someone else will pick it up.

4. Not doing any strenuous exercise for two weeks or lift anything over 20 pounds. I actually liked this one!  I have an honest to goodness, awesome, doctor approved excuse to not exercise…for 2 weeks.

5. I think I may be secretly “in love” with my eye surgeon.

“Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others.” ~ Jonathan Swift

6. Not letting sweat get in the surgery eye. Um, when the feel like temp is 105 and you are on a beach and not allowed to get in the water, you may sweat a bit. Not sure how you can keep this from happening, maybe someone should invent a little air conditoned cup that covers the eye if you have cataract surgery during the summer months. Note: have your cataract surgery during the winter.

7. Getting used to not wearing makeup. I actually went grocery shopping yesterday and not one single person ran screaming from the sight of me.

8. OMG, I don’t like looking in the mirror when putting drops in. I see all the lines and wrinkles so much more clearly…who is that old woman looking back at me and what is she doing in my bathroom?

9. So I’m laying on this table in the operating room, loud music playing(I like it) and the doc is digging in my eye and I can see him doing it. Weird. He takes out the bad lens and puts in a new one(in my case 2 of them). As I lay there both times, all kind of thoughts go through my mind…What happens to the old lenses he takes out? Do they just throw them away? Do they donate them somewhere? Do they make something out of them? Where do they get the new ones? What are they made out of? Can you buy them on Amazon?

10. Another thing I really hate is the whole, “don’t eat anything after midnight the night before surgery.” I never do, except the occasional dish of ice cream. But when you are told you can’t have anything.. of course you want something. And then knowing when you wake up you can’t have your coffee…It just makes life feel so meaningless. You can have coffee, just not with cream. And who drinks coffee without cream? Not me…

So there you have it, my eye surgery in a nut shell. You may have had a different experience or you will if you haven’t had the pleasure of this surgery yet. Love to hear your comments on this…

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~ Albert Einstein

thinking about how much I miss you

A Year Without You…

a letter to my son…

thinking about how much I miss you

Sometimes I see you in the clouds…

You ended your life and a part of ours ended as well. Last week we said goodbye to you again on the anniversary of your death. Your sisters, your nephews and your two beautiful children… all gathered together at your favorite beach spot to say our farewells.

Its been a hard year to say the least. First of all I can’t even believe it has been a year. It seems like yesterday you decided you couldn’t deal with all the pain you were feeling and so you ended your life. I knew you were in pain. I knew how much you hurt. I knew you were suffering. I only wish I could have taken away that pain and suffering so you wouldn’t have had to do what you did that hot summer day last year. The day that changed me forever.

As I said, it has been a hard year…a year of firsts without you. Holidays without you, our birthdays, your birthday, birthdays of your two beautiful children. The children who are now a year older and miss their Daddy as much now as they did a year ago. The children you helped raise and mold into what they are today, Children who have respect and are caring about each other and the people who surround them. You did an amazing job as a Father, considering you didn’t have one in your life to help guide you as you grew into an adult. In fact he wasn’t there through most of your life and never really tried to help you or reach out to you.

Your children are the legacy you left here on this earth. Those two beautiful souls are a testament to the man you were and the lessons of life you taught them so well. They are both loving, well mannered, generous and kind. Their sense of humor reminds us of you so many times, especially your son. He looks and acts just like you as a child. You had many jobs over the course of your life but the job of being a Father was the one you loved best and of which you were most proud. And Dave I must say, you did that job well.

“I do not believe the loss of a child is something one ever overcomes. One puts on the faces one needs, but inside, one bleeds and bleeds.” ~ Elizabeth Berg

I love and miss you so much Dave, my son, my little boy. I think a Mother never stops thinking of their child as a child. I am happy I had you in my life for 46 years. The years were not always happy ones and we had our moments but one thing was always, always constant….the knowledge you loved me. I am also happy we had that conversation the night before you died. The one where you told me I was the best Mom you could ever have asked for. That no matter what, you wanted me to know that anything that happened to you was not my fault and not to blame myself for things you created or did. You told me I was both a Mother and Father to you and that you knew how hard that was for me. You said that you appreciated everything I ever did to help you in life. That I was always there for you and that you loved me.

Those things you told me that night are everything a Mother really wants and needs to hear. I am forever grateful for you having that conversation with me and taking away some of the guilt I would feel forever for not doing “enough.” I didn’t know that was the last conversation we would have… until it was.

I took you to the hospital and nursed your wounds more times than I care to remember. If these things would have happened today the doctors would think I was abusing you. You always were falling off your bike or getting hit in the head by a baseball or something and we would have to go to the hospital and make it better. You would even say that… “make it better Mommy.” My only wish is that I could have made this one last pain “better” for you.

And so my son, I just wanted you to know on this anniversary of your death we are thinking of you. As I said several times now, this past year was hard and I’m not sure this year will be any easier. It will be a year without any memories of you. The past year I always thought about what we did last year and the memories of that got me through. From now on there are no days with memories of what we did last year. I think that is the hardest part for me. You will not be “in” this year. We do have tons of memories from years past and we will remember them and carry on your legacy. We will take your kids to places you loved, tell them the many stories of you growing up and keep your memory alive. We will do this until our last breath.

We were so close, Dave.. as close as any Mother and son I’d ever known. I am grateful for that and it gives me comfort. But it also leaves an even bigger hole in my heart…the part where you were is empty now. I know I am lucky to have had you for as long as I did. But I wanted more. I wanted to see you enjoy your children growing into adults. I wanted you to still be here on earth. I wanted to stop your pain one last time…so you wouldn’t have to. I hope your pain is gone and that you know how much I love and miss you. Rest well my son…Rest Well!

my son

Dave and his 2 kids

“I see you in the clouds. I see you in the rainbow after the summer storm. I see you in the butterflies surrounding me on my morning walk. I see you my son, I see you.” ~ me






Some Things I Just Don’t Understand…

I need some answers people…


so many questions…

As I sit here thinking on this Friday night so many thoughts come into my mind. Those of you who know me know I am always thinking of weird things. Some of which are just too weird to even talk about, but here are some things that have been bothering me lately.

1. Why do women take their boyfriends/husbands shopping with them – I saw a couple last week and really the guy looked like someone had killed his puppy. He was moping along behind his wife and it was all I could do to keep myself from asking…”why, just why are you with her if you are so miserable” and then turn around and ask her, “why did you bring him”….

2. Why after millions of years of people making and eating bread is everyone allergic to it now – Bread was the mainstay of every meal back when I was a kid and  even when my own kids were growing up. Back in the dark ages bread was really the only thing people had besides the meat they had killed that day. But for some reason, it bothers people now.

3. Why suddenly are dogs allowed everywhere – Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs. Truly I do. But do they need to be in a clothing store? Not everyone loves them and some people are even allergic to them. And a there is a whole lot of people who are trying to pass their chihuahuas off as service dogs. Suddenly everyone has a service dog. I know there are people that need them and I don’t have a problem with that. Its the ones who are abusing the whole service dog thing. Really a chihuahua…

4. Why are there warning labels on everything these days – Yes, I know the coffee is hot, I am not an idiot. Yes, I do know to take the plastic wrapper off the cheese before I eat it. A knife that comes with a protective covering telling you “the blade may be sharp and may cut you.”  When did we all become so stupid or so ready to start a lawsuit at any minute over things such as this that we need these warnings?

5. Why are there so many monopolies again – Did we or did we not back in the day stop these from happening so people would be able to get a fair price for what they were using or buying…. Now we have one cable company…one electric company, one healthcare company and one eye care company(at least in my area) Enough already, this needs to stop. We need to be able to shop for the best price and the best service once again.

“Wondering about all the things that I’ll never understand there are some things that you can’t know unless you’ve been there.” ~ Ani Difranco

6. Why do drug companies have so many ads on tv – Do people really see these and think to themselves…”wow, I need this.” And the people that are on the drugs, do they really need to keep seeing the happy healthy people on TV using the drug and think to themselves… why don’t I feel that way?…what’s wrong with me?..why doesn’t this stupid drug work?

7. Why is every day a “something” day now – We used to have Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and then even Grandparents Day. But now every single day is a “day.” We have National Ice Cream Day(isn’t every day), Best Friends Day, Hug a Cat Day, Ice Tea Day, Waffle Day, Jerky Day, Ball Point Pen Day(yes this is a day) and lets not forget Free Donut Day..of which I still never received mine. Why..why does every day have to be a “day?”

8. Why is White House/Black Market still called that – Clearly they forgot this was their name. They always only had white and black clothing…then a few years back they decided to put one color in every now and then. I was in the store a month or so ago and they had every color under the sun. So they either need to change their name or stop have every color. Who comes up with these ideas?

9. Why does every stupid company on earth have my cell phone number – I am on the “Do Not Call” list. Several times..but I still get the annoying spam calls. I don’t answer if I don’t know the number…why do people answer their phones if they don’t recognize the number? And even if you don’t have caller ID, just don’t answer, if someone wants you bad enough they will call back or leave a message. But back to the original question, why does every company and idiot on the planet have my cell phone number…but I can’t remember it to save my life.

10. Why when you are with people and trying to have a conversation they are on their phone texting and checking emails – Yes, I know some people who do this and yet when I text them they don’t text me back.

I know I have a lot more but will save them for another time. Can you think of one that bugs you?

“Sometimes things happen to us that we just don’t understand. These things sometimes become the doors and windows to our destiny.” ~ Andrea Nugent