Tag Archives: #afraid

19Mar/18
creepy

What Are You Afraid Of?

Aging, Life, ,

the monster under the bed…

creepy

now this I’m afraid of…

I’m pretty sure we all have “something” we are afraid of…I’m not afraid of most of the things I used to be scared of when I was younger, but I still have fears. I think after going through so many difficult things in my life and as I age, the things I once thought were scary… no longer scare me. Also, I just decided one day to stop living in fear. However that being said, I still have a few things that I’m afraid of.

Ok, let me just get this out of the way… I’ll admit it…I’m still afraid of the “monster under the bed”…I do not EVER allow a leg or arm hang over the edge and never ever look under there in the dark. I always keep a sheet or something(no mater how hot it is) over me while sleeping..just in case the monster decides to come out. I don’t care who you are or what you think of me, this is scary.

I am a little afraid of aging…not that getting older scares me but what comes with it. I want to live a good long life and my grandson just told me he hoped I live into my 90’s..I just don’t want to not be able to do the things I love to do. I have seen my mother decline in health and not be able to get out of bed for 4 years before she actually passed. I don’t want that. I don’t want my kids to have to see me that way. I want to only age to the point I can still enjoy life…I know I have no control over that for the most part but I do try to take care of myself and stay healthy.

Along with aging comes the fact that as we age we lose people we love. I keep losing people. I’m afraid of losing more. I am constantly aware of this. When I was little and lost people I never really experienced the loss like I do now. I remember my mother talking about this as she lost her friends and family but it didn’t affect me so I did not really understand her feelings about this. I value life and my friends and family members so much that each loss is so profound and deeply felt. And I lose a little part of me every time I lose someone.

“Always do what you are afraid to do.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’m afraid of never being in love again. I think about this sometimes…will I never know  that feeling again. I’m 68 and at this point the chance for this to happen is slim to none.  I know I have the love of family and friends and believe me when I say how much I appreciate all of that love. I have been lucky to have had several loves in my lifetime and loved each one of them dearly and deeply. If I never experience that kind of love again, I guess what I had will have to have been enough. But I would like to feel that wonderful feeling of loving and being loved one more time.

One thing that really scares me is that I will leave this earth without really having done everything I wanted to do or accomplish. I’m afraid of dying without really having lived. Am I doing the things I want to do? Am I giving back? Have I made a difference? These things are important to me and I have been fixated on them lately. I want my days on this earth to mean something. I don’t want to just exist. I want to make a difference, I want to have mattered.

I really don’t want to get into politics or the state of our country and world, however I do worry about the future for our children and their children. But then I think back to when I was a very small child and the adults would all be in the living room talking…and I being the nosey kid I was at the time, would be around the corner listening to to their conversations about how worried they were for the world and what they feared was going to happen. Terrible things were going to happen. I was scared and had nightmares about the things they talked about. This was over 60 years ago and the conversation has stayed with me all my life. But the bad things didn’t happen then and I don’t think they will now. There are always scary times in each lifetime but somehow someway we persevere. We are tough, we survive and get through the difficult times somehow. We are brave! We are not afraid!!!

Oh and I almost forgot…I’m afraid of spiders.  I always have been. My Dad used to have to come up in my bedroom and kill them before I could go to sleep when I was little…and actually when I was a teenager too. I’m still afraid of them. I’m afraid of having one crawl in my ear at night while I sleep. But here’s a thought…maybe, just maybe the monster under the bed will eat all the spiders so I don’t have to be afraid anymore. So see that monster is good for something. Its nice to know you really can find something good in every bad situation..

What are you afraid of?

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

 

07Jul/16

What Are You Afraid Of?

Aging, Lifestyle, , ,

My Top Ten Biggest Fears…

fear...

fear…

If we are honest with ourselves, we all have a fear of something. When I was a child I didn’t have many because I knew my parents were there to protect me. As I grew older my fears changed along with my age. As a teenager my biggest fear was how I would get to the local dance joint and then how I would get home afterward. Oh, to be young and that is the only thing you have to fear. Life seemed so simple then and most of our fears at the time were simple as well.

As we age the fears are bigger and many of them can’t just be brushed aside. They are too real. We are getting older. We have lost people we cared about. We all are facing our fears every day and the best we can do is to try and enjoy our lives every single day and not have any regrets when we take our last breath. Ok, I don’t want to get too mauldlin, so lets get to it, below are my top ten fears…

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~ Marianne Williamson

  1. Not having done everything on my bucket list. I have so many things I want to do yet in my life and I hope I have the time to do them all. I really need to start ticking more of them off the list. I have a lot left to do.
  2. I fear my hearing will get so bad I won’t be able to hear the sound of my kids and grandkids laughter. I know I would survive not being able to hear. I have problems already that cause me to miss many things people say. My hope is that I don’t lose my hearing totally and can’t hear the sound of laughter. There is nothing like that sound, especially when someone you love is the one laughing.
  3. Living too long and being a burden on my kids. I have seen this happen time and time again and don’t want it to happen to me. I want to be able to make my own decisions on my life and not have to rely on my kids to make them.
  4. I worry I will get dementia like my mother. I try to keep my brain active and constantly do new things. I am hoping that this will help. I saw what she went through and I don’t want my kids to see me go through that. I always wondered if she was really still in there and was trying very hard to tell us she was. It makes me sad to think that was the case. I always tried to let her know I understood how she felt.
  5. My fear I will die alone. I am not afraid of dying. I just hope I am not alone. As we age we lose so many friends and family members. It seems like at least once a week or more someone I know dies. I have already lost my immediate family.. my parents and my sister. So my wish is that I will continue to have the people I love around me as long as I’m here.
  6. Another huge fear of mine is that I will run out of money. What happens if I live till I’m 90, Will I have enough money? Will Social Security run out? Will I have to get a job when I am 80? It’s a very real concern.
  7. I fear I will never fall in love again. I really like being single. In fact I love it. I truly enjoy my independence and being able to do what I want, when I want. But I loved falling in love. The excitement of a new love is one of the all time great experiences in life. I fear I will never feel that way again.
  8. Losing my ability to drive. If I want to go somewhere I don’t want to have to rely on someone else to take me. I want to drive myself(my daughter would beg to differ, because she drives us a LOT, but I know I can if I want to) I think this is one of the biggest fears of most aging adults. And one of the hardest things for us to give up.
  9. Not being able to live in my own home. This home doesn’t have to be my present home, but I want it to be MY home. It could be an assisted living place of residence. I really would like it to be my own home. I know my mother didn’t want to leave her home but she had dementia and we were constantly worried about her safety. She told us constantly she wanted to be in her own home. And now I understand that.
  10. And finally I fear that the monster that resides under my bed will really truly eat my leg off once and for all if I forget and allow my leg to hang over the side of the bed. (I had to lighten things up a bit)

I don’t dwell on these fears but sometimes as I start to fall asleep they do creep into my mind. I know I am extremely blessed with good health, a loving family and many wonderful friends. I know people my age that have many of these fears and others. Some people fear losing their looks or their once slim body. I gave up on worrying about that quite a while ago. I exercise and try to take care of myself. But I can’t be worried about what I used to look like and why I don’t anymore.

Life goes by so fast. We shouldn’t spend our days being fearful. Yes, we do need to acknowledge our fears, we can’t just ignore them. But then we must try to move past the fear and find joy in every single day. Our fears are going to be there, but maybe  we can learn how to keep them from sabotaging our happiness.

What are your biggest fears?

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt