believe me its never ending….

and I wasn’t even in the store yet…

It is really a constant source of amusement or amazement(not sure if that’s a word) working in retail. At least where I work. People have said I should just do a weekly column about this but I don’t want you to get bored with it so I will do one every now and then…especially when I have a bunch of good ones to tell you. Here are some from the past week.

1. The apron in the picture – not sure if the person said, “the hell with this job” and hung it there as they left…or they just wanted to air it out. Believe me when I say I am grateful I work in the perfume department as a lot of people walking by really need it!

2. Man who was a little confused – a very strange man came up to the counter and asked how much the perfume was that was sitting there. He wanted to know much the bottle was by itself and how much the set was…I told him the prices. My co worker walked up and he asked her the very same question. She told him what I had just told him. He then looks at both of us and says..”Oh, ok…I need to go I’m a little high.” and off he goes. Leaving the two of us standing there looking at each other like did this really just happen?? And yes…yes it did!

3. Girl on phone – now this is not different or strange in that someone was on the phone while shopping and asking questions while trying to talk to me about perfume…this happens all the time. Sometimes I will ignore them and they look at me and say “excuse me I was asking you a question”…to which I give my standard reply…”Oh, I’m sorry I thought you were talking to the person on the phone and I was waiting until you were finished”….However in this instance what was different and strange was that she was on 2 phones at the same time…. she was texting on one and talking on the other one. I can barely talk or text on mine while shopping and she was doing all three at the same time. Is this what is known as amiphonedexterous…I just made this word up…but it should definitely be a word.

4. Question at the Clinique counter – my coworker at the Clinique counter told me this one…(my friends there now know I write about these things and give me some of their favorites to use) a customer asked her if she bought the Clinique foundation could she get the Lancome free gift???? What?

5. What happened at Starbucks? – Now I know this didn’t happen in my store but it was right outside the door at Starbucks so I can count it. I need a break every so often and go get a cup of coffee… a woman in front of me bought $37 worth of Starbucks for her and her 3 children….really?? and they were little kids…do they really know the difference between a drink at McDonalds and Starbucks…

“When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.” ~ Steven Wright

6. Strange woman – I’ve had a lot of weird people come by the perfume counter in my almost 15 years in the business….but this one was one of the weirdest. A woman walks up and is staring at the perfume in front of her. I asked if I could help her find a perfume…she responds to my question by picking up the bottle in front of her and sprays it up her crotch… then she slams it back down on the counter, looks at me with a very mean scary look and walks away. Alrighty then….

7. Weird cosmetic question – I’d like to return this $4 eyebrow sharpener…where do I go….loaded question…I said I really don’t know…I don’t work here…

8. Man looking for a particular fragrance but didn’t know the name – This happens a lot…people come up and say I don’t know the name but I know the bottle if I see it…so the guy says this to me and says I will just walk around and look for it. He comes running back up to me all excited and says, “I found it!” I said oh good, do you want it…to which he replies…”no, but I found it.” I know I always have the same look on my face when these things happen and a co worker will come over and ask…”what now?”

9. Channel 5 – people are always asking for Channel…it is very popular and all the ads on tv make it even more popular…the thing that gets me even with all the advertising is people still continue to call it…Channel 5 or just where is the Channel…I always say which Channel do you want…just to be a smart ass…but of course they don’t get it…it just gives me a tiny bit of  pleasure to say it…

10. Coconut Chanel – while we are on the Chanel channel….this happened yesterday. A customer asked for Coconut Chanel instead of Coco Chanel…sorry if you don’t think its funny….but for us who work retail….you get your laughs where you can in our world…

By the way all the computers were down in our world for most of the afternoon yesterday and we couldn’t accept credit cards…not even the store credit card…people had to pay cash….CASH! Do you even know what kind of commotion this caused and how many sales we lost? Who carries cash? Evidently not many people…

Well I must go back in there again so I have to go get ready…. here is my question for you…Have you ever worked retail…and what was the funniest or stupidest thing that you ever had happen?  And please…wish me luck today…

“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” ~ Yogi Berra