Monthly Archives: April 2017

28Apr/17
clock is ticking

Don’t Wait Till I’m Dead To Tell Me You Love Me

Aging, Life, ,

tell me how you feel, bad or good, just tell me now…

clock is ticking

time is running out…

We had my son’s “Celebration of Life” this past Sunday and everyone told such wonderful stories about him. Things I never knew that he did or how he made people feel. The stories they told made me cry and truly touched my heart. He was a good man and people knew it. People really did “get” him. I loved what they all said but It also made me think…”why didn’t we tell him this while he was alive?”

Yes, we tell people we love them and sometimes even thank them for being in our lives. But do we tell them how they make us feel? I think as we age and start losing people, we start to realize life is short and may not have the opportunity again to say the things we want to say. We may have missed the chance to tell them we cared. And “why” we cared…

I have a wonderful family and friends that I love like family. I have lost so many people so I make sure to tell each and every one of them every time I see them or talk to them how much I love them and how happy I am to have them in my life. But I may be lacking in telling them why. I need to start doing that more. From now on, I plan on telling my friends and family what they bring to my life…. how they make me feel, and why I love them.

Can we really get so caught up in our busy lives that we forget to tell the people we love that they matter? That their very existence is a reason to celebrate…and how much that existence means to us. I wish my parents were alive so I could tell them what a wonderful life they gave me and how I felt secure and loved every day. I wish my sister was alive so I could tell her how her kindness and goodness has inspired me to be a better person and how I look for the good everyday because of her.

“The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how they love them while they’re alive.” ~ Optimus Prime

I would love to be able to tell my son what a good, loving person he was and what a wonderful father he was to his two children. One of my favorite stories on Sunday was the one his first girlfriend told. She said she always loved the way he treated me and how much he loved me. He was her first love and she still remembers that almost 30 years later. The story she told touched me deeply. And I know he would have loved to hear what she said. My story was about the day I dropped him off at YMCA Camp and he kissed me and hugged me in front of all his buddies…..not caring what they thought or how they would make fun of him after I left. I always loved that and never forgot it.

The other story that touched me that day was when his uncle said, “if you ever needed to talk or were having a bad day, you knew you could pick up the phone and call Dave and he would be there for you. No matter what was going on in his life, he would be there and just listen.” What more could someone say about you? What could matter more than someone knowing this about you? That you would be there for them no matter what was going on in your life. And believe me, my son had a lot going on in his life. But he was there for his friends and family. They came first, sometimes maybe they shouldn’t have. Maybe he would still be here…

My point is tell the people you love what you love about them. Do it while they are here…don’t wait until you are standing over their grave or at their funeral when asked to speak. I want to clear something up here before anyone takes this post the wrong way…. my family and friends do tell me they love me. They show me they love me in so many ways. I know I’m loved believe me! These past few months have shown me just how much the people in my life care. People that I hadn’t seen for years, people that moved away, people that weren’t even that close to me. They were and are here for me and I know I am loved.

I just want us all to be more aware of how much it means to someone to hear not just that you love them, but also why you love them. How much it means to hear I love you because you have a caring heart. How much it means that you always check up on me and make sure I’m ok. How much it means that you know what I need before I know I need it. How much it means to me that you remember little things about my son and talk about him with me. How much it means that you send me texts about seeing a butterfly and you thought of Dave.

I do think the people we have lost know how much we love them and why. I think Dave heard all of us on Sunday. But wouldn’t it be wonderful to say it to them in person? To see their face and feel their joy. So I plan on telling my family and friends why I love them. I want to let them know just how important they are in my life. I don’t want to wait until it’s too late.

Do you let those you love know how much you love them? Do you tell them why…

“Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell someone how much you love them and how much you care about them. Because when they’re gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won’t hear you anymore.” ~ Unknown

 

 

 

22Apr/17
Beach living

After 50 Years Some Things Stay The Same…

Life, ,

and it makes me feel sad but also happy…

Beach living

My Aunt and Uncles house in Florida

I know it kind of sounds weird that it can make me sad yet happy that things stay the same after 50 years… but let me explain. I went to Florida this past week to visit a friend. I have been in Florida a lot but always on the east coast, this time I was on the gulf coast. In the 60’s my parents took my sister and I to North Redington Beach every single summer to visit my aunt and uncle who lived there. After a few years my grandparents also moved down and lived there as well. So I visited there quite a lot and I couldn’t wait to see how things had changed or if anything was still the same.

I had thankfully found a letter my aunt wrote Mom with the return address of the house my aunt and uncle lived in and my friend and I drove by. Surprisingly the house hadn’t changed at all. It looks exactly as it did in the 60’s except the carport is now a garage. We sat there for a little while parked in front of it while I stared at the house I had spent so many summers visiting. I was immediately taken back to that time of my life. I was about 8 the first time we ever went there and I think I was around 14 the last time. My parents and sister continued to go but I had gotten married and had a child so I no longer went with them.

The whole street around the house looked almost exactly the same except for a few large houses that had replaced the 50/60’s looking houses that still stood today. It somehow made me feel good that these places were still the same. That some part of my childhood was still in place and hadn’t changed.,,and it hadn’t.  Another part of our journey was to check to see if the bar my aunt and uncle worked at still stood at the end of the street. For some reason this place was important to me and I really had been looking forward to seeing if it was there. When we drove by and I saw it still standing I couldn’t believe my eyes. I honestly wanted to cry. It was run down and empty now but it was still there.

dilapidated bar

The Zebra Lounge

My friend and I did some research and found out the bar had been foreclosed on recently. I couldn’t remember the name of it but thought it had something to do with a “zoo”. I thought the name was The Monkey Bar, but we found out it had been called the Zebra Lounge(hence, the “zoo”) and later The Wine Cellar. It was both a restaurant and bar. I thought it was cool that we would go eat there and that my aunt and uncle worked there. I remember there were murals of animals all over the walls. It was a very hip spot in the 60’s. It was exciting as a kid being able to first of all go to a bar and then secondly have people I knew working there. We went there so many times over the years and I loved it..so I just couldn’t believe it was still there.

I could picture in my head the way it was back then in the 60’s. So full of life and exciting. People would dress for dinner in those days and even though it was the beach they would dress very chic. There wasn’t a lot to do in that area back then so this was “the happening spot.” My aunt and uncle said they made good money working there and they loved their jobs. My aunt was a waitress and my uncle tended bar. He was quite the looker back in the day and had a way with women so I’m sure he made good tips. They both worked nights so we could go sight seeing with them during the day or go out on their boat.

We would walk the two blocks up the street to go to the bar. And also right across the street was the gulf and the beautiful beach. There was nothing else there at that time, nothing to restrict the view. You could see the sand and the water from the main street. Now the area was filled with hotels and condos. So that was different… but yet it was still the same. It somehow felt like I had come home. Like I had gone back in time and I was that little kid visiting my aunt and uncle and listening to their stories of working at the bar. I could even smell the jasmine blooming outside the bedroom window where I slept each night while we were there.

The sad part to this story, if there is one, is that I can’t share this with anyone who went there with me. I wanted to call my Mom, Dad or sister and say “you won’t believe what I just saw today….the bar we used to go to in Redington Beach is still there”….But they aren’t here any more for me to share this. It’s ok though since I have told my kids and my friend about it, so I did have someone to share it with. I also have a cousin that may remember this. At least I hope she does. It will make this so much more worthwhile to have someone who actually went there be able to share this exciting news.

I think as we age and with everything constantly changing, it is hard for us to see the things we enjoyed as children and even young adults no longer be there for us to enjoy. It is like we are that kid again running down the dock in back of my aunt and uncle’s house. Or sitting in their yard smelling the jasmine waiting to go to dinner at the bar. Do I want to be that kid again? Maybe, just maybe I was for a brief moment this week in Florida.

in the backyard at my aunt and uncles

I know that seeing this house and the bar still standing after over 50 years really blew my mind. Have you ever gone back to a place from your childhood and found out that nothing had changed at all? Is this story of mine unique? I would like to hear if you have a similar story.

“The only constant is change.” ~ Heraclitus

 

 

14Apr/17
cross

I Don’t Want To Celebrate Easter This Year!

Life, ,

Does that make me a bad person?

Our family always celebrated the holidays and Easter was no exception. We would go to church and then have a huge home cooked meal and the whole family would be together. We used to have it at my parents house until it got to be a bit overwhelming for them and then we would go to the club. But it didn’t matter where we had it.. we would just have a wonderful time celebrating the day. We would stuff ourselves with food and then everyone would head outside. The kids would find the colored eggs we hid for them over and over again and they would eat a ton of chocolate. It was always a great day and we were blessed to have the family all in one place.

I don’t feel much like celebrating this Easter. My parents are no longer alive and my sister is also gone now. The family is much smaller this year. It is also my son’s birthday and he isn’t here this year to celebrate Easter or his birthday. My son died in July of last year. The holidays and “firsts” are always the hardest. Everyone has told me this is the case and I was amazed I got through Christmas. Going to Vermont to visit my youngest child and my 3 grandsons made it a little easier since I wasn’t at home and doing Christmas as we had always done in the past. This is a new year, a year without my son in it. So everything will be different, Everything has changed.

I don’t know why this holiday is affecting me so much. I’m guessing that its the combination of Easter and my son’s birthday all happening on the same day. I won’t be able to see him or pick up the phone and call him… sing Happy Birthday to him and tell him how much I love him. Every year since the day he was born,  I have either seen him in person or talked to him on the phone and wished him a Happy Birthday. Every single year. Birthdays and holidays are special in our family. We make sure the person celebrating the birthday knows how much we care. I don’t know how to show him how much I care this year. I don’t even know how I feel this year. I think to myself, what would I have done last year if I knew it would be his last birthday? What could I have changed to make it even better? Did I tell him enough how special he was, did I make him feel loved that day? I saw him in person last year on his birthday. I know I told him I loved him and I hugged him very very hard.

I don’t recall my son’s birthday falling on Easter in the past. I remember it happening that same week or the day before or after but not the same day. He really would have loved that. He loved Reese’s peanut butter eggs and would eat the whole box in one sitting. So he would have really loved the fact that he could have had both his favorite chocolate cake with peanut butter icing and his beloved Reese’s eggs all on the same day. And believe me he would have eaten every last bite of both.

My son would not want us to mourn his death and I know he would want us to enjoy our holiday like we have in the past. I don’t know if I can do that but I will try. Have you lost someone dear to you and it was hard to celebrate a holiday or their birthday?

Easter Outfits

My 3 kids in their Easter outfits in the 70’s.

“Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.” ~ Mitch Albom

 

 

 

07Apr/17
stop sign

Just Stop Talking To Me!

Humor, Life, Rants, , ,

everyone and “everything”..take note, just stop.

stop sign

Just stop…please

I don’t know why everything has to talk to us these days. Do we really need to be spoken to by our phones, our cars, and our computers? I did an upgrade on my computer and it asked me if I wanted Siri. I said no, it came back and said why…I said because I don’t want my computer to talk to me. I have enough things talking to me. People in stores, people I don’t know or want to know feel like they must tell me their whole life story. I somehow bring this out in people. I must look like I care what they have to say.

Ok, those of you who know me or follow me know I do care. I care deeply about people, my friends, family and neighbors, etc. I’m a caring person. I really am. And I want to know everything about them and what is going on in their life. They can call me any time day or night and I will be there for them.  But if I am sitting in the car repair place reading my book, then NO.. “Mr Bald Guy with the big glasses”(I also have a thing where I give these people names)I don’t want to know what you are having for dinner later or guess where you were earlier in the day or where you are going on vacation next week. No…I don’t need to know that. I am reading a book. One time I was on a plane and the guy next to me constantly tried talking to me even though I was making believe I was asleep to try and stop his constant chatter. It didn’t work or stop him from going on and on endlessly about the problems he was having in his marriage. What idiot talks to people when they are clearly trying to sleep?

I also hate when I am in the grocery store and people I don’t know want to stop and talk about how they make spaghetti. I am here for a reason, I don’t like grocery shopping, I want to get in, get my stuff and get out. As stated, I don’t like people and I don’t want to talk to you about making spaghetti. Ok, I know all of this sounds somewhat harsh and maybe mean spirited. It isn’t really just people, it is all these gadgets we have vying for our attention and screaming at us everyday that is really the cause of my ire.

“Talk low, talk slow and don’t say too much.” ~ John Wayne

I”m a somewhat normal person. I like parties and having fun and sometimes I throw caution to the wind and dance and sing out loud. But the majority of the times these days, I like my peace and quiet. Been there done that, if you know what I mean.  But every direction I turn lately I have someone or some “thing” trying to talk to me. The ATM asks, do you want that cash a certain way? Its $20…just give me $20. My daughters car talks to her constantly. I can’t stand that and its not even my car. I am glad mine doesn’t do that. If it did I may have to take out its speaking thingy. If I don’t want to get my oil changed right now when my car says its time I won’t. And it can beep at me all it wants to but it can’t make me. The watches that talk and tell you stuff annoy me. Who needs that? All you need is a watch that tells time. Thats it… that is why God created watches.

And then they created the talking tube. The round thing that sits in the middle of your living room you talk to and it answers every question known to man…or woman. It reads books and plays songs and tells you the news of the day. Ask it anything and it has an answer. The Echo…Who needs this and why? I don’t like real people talking to me and now we have this. There is Google Now, Windows Cortana, and of course our dear sweet Siri..all of them trying to one up each other and answer the questions the world needs to know and then some. Maybe we should put them all in a room together and let them talk to each other until they run out of answers.

I don’t have Siri on my new iPhone, I mean she is there lurking just waiting for me to push her button and “need” her. Last week one night my grandson was showing me how to use my phone and he told me to push the on button twice, I did that and Siri came on happy as a clam that I had asked her something. Of course I didn’t ask her anything I was talking to my grandson. So I said “oh no there’s Siri. I hate her.”  To which Siri replies, “Well, I’m still here for you.” She made me cry. Maybe I’ll talk to her one of these days.

Do you like “things” talking to you? Do you use any of the things I mentioned? Please tell me one good reason to use them in the comments below.

“Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything, To anyone.” ~ Bryan Cranston as Walter in Breaking Bad