Monthly Archives: June 2016

24Jun/16

Do You Remember Your First Time?

Lifestyle, ,

10 firsts you may remember fondly — or not so fondly

Yay for 1st...

Yay for 1st…

Over the course of our lives we all have many firsts…some good, some bad and some we remember the rest of our lives.

Here is a list of my top ten firsts:

    1. First Friend – Mine was my friend Sue from first grade. We stayed friends for a very long time until we somehow lost touch. We did reconnect but sadly she has passed away now. I had many neighborhood friends growing up and we played from first thing in the morning until dark every day. I miss those kids and I miss those times. I also had great friends in high school and have recently reconnected with them which has been the most amazing thing ever. Then there were the special friends that I met through jobs I had. There is nothing better than friends that “get” you. But you always remember your first friend.
    2. First time you shaved – for girls it was our legs and I guess boys/young men their face. I remember it being such a big deal. My Mom would not let me do it. Every time I asked, she would tell me not yet. I was embarrassed around my friends who were already shaving theirs and also a bit envious. Somehow a simple thing like shaving your legs was a very “huge” thing to a teenager. When I finally was allowed to do it I cut my leg so bad right on the shin bone that I have a scar there until this very day.
    3. First time you drove a car – I couldn’t wait to get my permit and take my test and have my drivers license. I took my test in Dad’s brand new Chevy Nova. I think it made me feel so empowered to be behind the wheel and be doing something on my own at the young age of 16. I loved that car so much and when Dad finally decided to get a new one he gave me the Nova. I was in heaven.
    4. First job – My first job was at a local department store downtown in the cosmetics department. I was 16 and worked I think 4 hours a week. I was making 50 cents an hour if that, but it sure did make me feel good to get that pay check. I have had many jobs in my life but I don’t think any compare to that first one.
    5. First time traveling out of your city or state – I remember going to the beach in Atlantic City, NJ when I was very young. My parents took me every year and it felt like it took forever to get there from PA where I lived. As a child, everything in our young lives was more extreme. Sitting in the car waiting to reach the beach and the fun seemed like an eternity. But it was definitely worth the wait and so exciting. Especially the very first time we went.
    6. First time you bought something with your own money – I remember this one like it was yesterday. I wanted a pair of Capezio shoes. My Mom wouldn’t let me have them because they were too expensive. She finally said if I could get the money I could have a pair. So I babysat and earned the money to pay for them. Best money I ever spent and on my favorite pair of shoes that I ever owned.
    7. First place of your own – Whether the first place you had was an apartment or a house, it really didn’t matter, it was yours. There is something about having your own place that truly makes you feel like an adult. Its your place, no one is going to walk in unless you want them to be there. You can dance in the nude to your favorite songs and play the music as loud as you want. Disclaimer: I may or may not have done this at one time.
    8. First kiss – I had my very first kiss in first grade. His name was Richard, he was my “boyfriend” from 1st thru 5th grade. The very first kiss is different from all the others. I was young and innocent and it was very sweet. My first real “grownup” kiss was by mistake, at least on my part. I had practiced kissing the mirror for months and thought I was ready but didn’t have a boyfriend at the time. An older neighborhood boy, he was maybe 3 years older than me, offered to take me home from school, for some reason unknown to me at the time he made a detour and took me on a back road. I was confused and asked him why we were there and he said for this. He then planted a big kiss on my lips. I was surprised, excited and scared all at the same time. He told me I was a good kisser. I asked him to take me home immediately and never road in the car alone with him again. After that I did secretly feel like I was ready to really kiss someone I cared about and didn’t worry that I wouldn’t be doing it wrong anymore. So there was that. The first kiss with my boyfriend who would become my husband was truly the best one of all. When you kiss someone you love for the first time, it is really the “first” kiss. And no mater what happens after that, it is the one you remember.
    9. Which brings me to this one, First love – is the love of the boy in 1st grade any different than the love of the boy who would become the father of my children? I don’t know. I have had several men who I have loved in my life and each one was special in their own way and I remember each one of the times I first fell in love with them. It may be different for me also since I am not with any of them now. They are etched in my heart and memories and I love them all. I love them, the person they were when we fell in love.
    10. And finally this one. Sex – My first time was in the back seat of my boyfriend’s — eventual husband’s father’s 1950 Plymouth. It was not something I really wanted to do at that time, but I kept getting the “if you really loved me” thing. And so I caved. It was of course, less than wonderful and I thought to myself, “this is what all the fuss is about?” I didn’t think I wanted to do THAT again. But of course once you do, there is no going back. At least in my case.

Doing something for the “first time” fills us with a sense of empowerment and an equal excitement. Holding your newborn child in your arms for the first time, seeing one of your kids graduate from college and watching your first grandchild being born are some others that have brought me these same feelings of excitement and joy. I have had a few new “first times” lately and I am definitely planning on a few more. In my opinion, you are never to old to have a “first time.”  I leave you as always with a question and a quote.

When was the last time you had a “first time?” Or tell me what your favorite “first time” was.

“There’s a first time for everything.” ~ Greg Owen

 

 

16Jun/16
Love

Are We All Too Busy?

Lifestyle, , ,

Can we all stop for a minute and maybe just listen…

Love is the answer...

Love is the answer…

 

Love is the answer but what is the question? The question is, why are we all so busy rushing here and there and “doing” that we don’t take time to just “be”? And all this rushing around we’re doing makes us cranky and stressed out and so we just tune everything and everyone out.

We don’t take time to stop and smile at people anymore. If you happen to pass someone while walking on the street or in the grocery store and catch their eye(if for some reason they aren’t looking down at their phone) and smile, 9 times out of 10 they won’t smile back and they look the other way or they look at you like you are crazy. Heaven forbid if you say hello. They quite possibly may call the cops. “There is a crazy woman walking through town today and….she just said “hello” to me.”

I think everyone is just so focused on the next moment or getting to where they need to be that they lose track of what truly matters in life. People matter and if we were more kind to each other, stopped rushing and actually talked to each other, then maybe just maybe we would all be better for it.

“Once she stopped rushing through life, she was amazed how much more life she had time for.” ~ Unknown

A few things happened lately that caused me to stop and think about this. In the course of a week I had two encounters that literally forced me to look at my life and also look at the way I treat others. I myself until recently was one of the people that were always rushing here and there, so I know of what I speak. I was out walking one day a few weeks ago and happened to glance down and see some beautiful flowers in pots on the porch of a house down the street from mine. They were really pretty flowers and I stopped for a minute to look closer when a small white haired woman walked out from the side of the house. I quickly told her I was admiring her flowers. I didn’t want her to think I was going to steal them or something. She looked a little leery at first and then her face changed and she just beamed.

And so my walk was delayed for about 45 minutes while she told me all about her life. She told me that her husband had just recently passed and that she lived in the house for 62 years. She loves gardening and does it as often as she can but her daughter-in-law helps her now. She showed me around the back yard to see her garden there too. She was quite proud of her flowers and wanted me to see them and also wanted to tell me all about her life. Her name was Dotty and she invited me to stop by more often and have a cup of tea with her. I felt good as I left her, and I was also filled with the thought that I was supposed to meet her, that maybe she just really needed someone to talk to at that moment. And I was that one.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~ Plato

Then last week while shopping with my daughter we passed an older woman in an aisle we were in and we both remarked after passing her, how much we loved her top. It had mermaids on it and it was just beautiful. I had regretted not saying something to her and was a little mad at myself. A little while later I ran into her again in another aisle and didn’t want to miss my chance again, so I looked right at her and told her that my daughter and I were just saying how much we loved her blouse. She was taken aback for a minute and then lightly blushed and said thank you so much. She said you don’t know how much I needed that. As she spoke I knew she must have lived recently or grew up in Paris. I absolutely love a French accent and since going there is on my bucket list I wanted to chat with her awhile longer just to hear her voice.

As we stood there staring at each other she almost looked like she was going to cry and then began telling me her story. Her husband of 40 years had just left her because he just didn’t have anything in common with her anymore and of course there is another woman involved and also of course she is younger and more beautiful. I told her she was very beautiful and that she would survive this and go on to see this was all meant to be. She asked me if I was sure that would happen and I told her I was since I had gone through the same thing. She said she felt unimportant and dowdy(her words). I told her I thought she was beautiful and intelligent and that her husband was an ass. She laughed then and we talked about many other things. We had quite a long conversation.

My daughter finally found me in the aisle with this beautiful woman and I wanted to introduce her. I asked the woman what her name was and she said Colette. I said are you from France and she said yes. And then went on to say she had just the past week returned from burying her Mother there. That is when her “ass” of a husband decided to tell her he no longer thought she had any worth to him. She asked our names and I said Renee and my daughter said Michelle. She laughed and said we were destined to meet. I gave her a hug and we went on our way. I think all of us were better for the conversation we had that day in the middle of an aisle in a store.

“Everyone has a story that will stop your heart.” ~ Claudia Shear

So my message to you is, listen to your heart, stop and talk to that person you walk by every day. Smile at the neighbor you have never spoken to in the seven years you lived in your house. Say hello to the grocery store clerk and ask them how their day is going. They all may have a story to tell. Sharing their story could truly make their day and it could make your day a whole lot better just by the simple act of listening. So I will leave you as always with a question and another quote.

Have you ever had this happen? Would you stop to chat with a total stranger and stay to listen to their story?

“Ask people how they’re doing, how’s life? Everyone has a story and you may be the one they want to tell it to.” ~ Unknown

 

 

10Jun/16

The Ocean Fixes Me

Lifestyle, , ,

I have seen quotes that “the ocean fixes everything”, all I know is it sure fixes me..

My "fix"

My “fix”…

Spending time at the beach brings me so much joy. It is really my happy place and I love nothing more in life than sitting on a beach relaxing and reading a book. But it also has a way of “fixing” me.

I have had a bit of stress in my life recently and while I know things always have a way of working out sometimes it just gets overwhelming. I get so mad at myself for not being able to just rise above it all and move on but it truly seems harder and harder to do that. I think when we are young we think we are invincible and that we have all the time in the world. We expect good things to happen and they do. As we age we are dealing with so many things we didn’t know we would be facing at this point in our lives so it just makes it a little harder to keep coming back time and time again. I am not one to feel sorry for myself and I always look at the glass as half full but sometimes it is hard to do that. So then on top of not coping with things the way I should, I feel guilty for feeling the way I do.

“For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), it’s always our self we find in the sea.” ~ E.E.Cummings

Spending time at the beach last week reaffirmed just how much the ocean brings me back and soothes my soul. I have always loved the beach ever since my parents took me to Atlantic City, NJ when I was maybe 4 or 5 years old. And I have never missed a single year since that very first time. I need that ocean fix, I crave it and can always tell when it is time for me to go again. I just need to sit on a beach somewhere and just “be”.

Why does the ocean make me feel this way? What is it that comes over me and takes me out of myself, fills me with a sense of calm and gets me ready to face the world again? I have never figured it out. I am a fire sign, so it makes sense that the ocean would cool me down and soothe the fire so to speak. I don’t know how or why, I just know it does.

Having just left the quiet, quaint beach town of Chincoteague, VA. I am once again reminded of how much I enjoy the peace and calmness of that kind of place. What a difference from years ago when I had to have the glitz, glamour, stores and bars to enjoy the beach. I craved all the excitement. I loved going to the beach during the day, and even then felt the connection but afterwards I wanted to hang out in all the loud music, filled to the max with people places. No more. The beach and all it has to offer me is quite enough.

Even the sunsets are better

Even the sunsets are better there…

I don’t think I am imagining how much of an effect the ocean has on me. I can sit on the beach for hours just watching wave after wave crashing to the shore. I can be quite happy watching sea gulls flying around and maybe seeing an occasional dolphin swimming by. All of that is awesome and I enjoy seeing it, but it is the calmness and feeling of total peace that keeps bringing me back again and again. I feel like I am somehow cleansed and released from all the stresses and things that were bothering me at home. I can almost(yes, almost) forget them and feel like I am me again. The young me that believed that anything was possible and that everything would be ok. I never used to doubt that. But now it gets harder and harder to believe these things I once knew to be true.

Lately, I have had a few set backs trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I love fashion and jewelry and love being a part of that industry. I am not one to just sit and not do anything. Yes, I am retired, and I love it..but I’m not dead. I love people and being around them. However in the period of a year I have been laid off by one company, the second one dropped my hours to zero and the third one is closing the end of July. It is frustrating at my age to start over so many times. And to have the company you really loved working for to just close. I have started over so many times in my life I have lost count. And what was easy and fun to do at 30 isn’t as easy and sure isn’t fun when you are in your 60’s. So as I sat on the beach last week I pondered all of this. Then I silently asked, “what’s next?” As I looked straight ahead the clouds in front of me formed a little “U”. I guess I got my answer.

the little "u" in the clouds...

the little “u” in the clouds…(look straight in the middle, it’s very small)

On the way home in the car I was feeling an increasing sense of dread that I was leaving my happy place and would be returning to reality. The stressful things will all still be there and I will have to deal with them again. So I wondered, if I lived at the beach would all these stresses magically just go away or would I still have the same ones I do now but I could walk on the beach every day and sort them out. I plan on being at the beach as much as I can to find out. And it’s way cheaper than therapy!

And so in closing I once again leave you with a question and a quote…Would you live at the beach if you could?

“We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or watch – we are going back from whence we came.” ~ John Fitzgerald Kennedy

02Jun/16

I Remember Every Lyric To Songs From 50 Years Ago…

Lifestyle, , ,

But I can’t remember what I had for breakfast today.

Cyndi Lauper and Boy George

Cyndi Lauper and Boy George

Seriously, why can I remember every single word to a song from over 50 years ago, but not remember why I came in the dining room?

I went to a concert last night. Cyndi Lauper and Boy George. It was an amazing night of music and brought back a ton of memories from the 80’s. It was fantastic. But my favorite part of the night and the one I am writing about today is when Cyndi sang a song from my teenage years.

It was a great night to be at a concert, there was a cool breeze going and the music was amazing. I was having a great time! All of the sudden Cyndi starts a song that I couldn’t believe she was singing. Unbelievable, I recognized it from the first three cords. It was a song from 1962. “The End of the World” by Skeeter Davis. I was immediately taken back to my 13 year old broken hearted angst ridden days as a teenager as I sang along with Cyndi. I was truly was close to tears as I belted out every single word.

“The End of the World” ~ Skeeter Davis, Written by Arthur Kent and Sylvia Dee

“Why does the sun go on shining
Why does the sea rush to shore
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
‘Cause you don’t love me any more

 

Why do the birds go on singing
Why do the stars glow above
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
It ended when I lost your love

I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything’s the same as it was
I can’t understand, no, I can’t understand
How life goes on the way it does

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye”

As I was singing along with the song I was thinking to myself, “how do I remember this”…It was over 50 years ago I heard this song and yet I knew each and every word like it was yesterday and I was playing my 45 on my little record player in my bedroom. I played that record until I wore the thing out and had to go buy another one. But really, how do we remember songs from back when we were teenagers and we can’t remember why we walked into a room? We stand there wondering why we’re there until we walk back out and suddenly it comes to you why you went in there in the first place.

Why do these words come so easily after so many years? Is it a  because a memory is attached? Not always. I have read studies where dementia patients respond to music from their youth and it may even help them regain some of their clarity. It triggers some lost part of the brain. So is that what happens when we hear a song from our younger days? We are triggering some lost part of our brain or are we triggering some lost part of our youth?

Music has always been important to me and I think it just stays in there until something “triggers” that memory. Case in point, when we hear a line from a song and can’t get the darn song out of our heads all day. And just how many of you can not remember what letter comes next in the alphabet until you sing the “Alphabet Song?”

Maybe it’s just repetition that makes us remember. I certainly played that record enough times. Or maybe it really is a memory of a lost love, a place or just a simpler time. We have so much going on in today’s world that is confusing and hard to understand. But music is simple and takes us to places that comforts us and soothes our soul.

“Music is what feelings sound like.” ~ Unknown

Perhaps the schools should start singing math to the students, I’m sure it would work better than some of the ways they are trying to teach it these days. I guess us old folks should make up songs about our grocery lists, daily chores and bills to be paid so we don’t forget these things. Do you think it would help? Ok, sorry but I just got a picture of myself going down the grocery aisle singing, “milk and coffee, toilet paper and tea.” Not too sure I’ll be doing that.

So I don’t have the answer as to why we remember these songs and we can’t remember what we need to get through the day. I don’t know, I’m just glad I do.

I leave you as usual with a question and a quote. Do you remember the lyrics to old songs? What was the last one you remembered and sang along to?

“Someone once asked me: Why do you love music so much? I replied: Because it’s the only thing that stays when everything and everyone is gone.” ~Unknown