Monthly Archives: May 2016

26May/16

Do You Know Who This House Belongs To?

Because it’s falling apart and no one cares….

is this your house?

is this your house?

I wonder who lived here. I wonder where they are now. Was it a big family? Were they happy? Did they have meals all together at the kitchen table every night? Did they sit out on the wonderful balcony and have late afternoon tea? Did the kids run around outside and play in the yard? What did this magnificent old place look like when it was in it’s full grandeur?

Who knows the answer to these questions? Does anyone? I see so many of these empty, abandoned houses in my travels and every time it makes me stop and think about who lived there and what happened to them. A family once lived in that house. They were most likely happy and had kids and pets and lived a wonderful life. They celebrated birthdays and holidays together with their whole family. They loved their house. And they loved each other too. At least that is what I tell myself.

It used to be you would see one or two of these abandoned houses along the rode. But now you see them everywhere. One right after another. Why? Why is there so many? What happened to the family that lived there and didn’t they have any family members left to take it over before it fell into such disrepair? It didn’t look like that when it was abandoned. It was a beautiful home. Yes, maybe it needed a few repairs but it didn’t deserve to be left to ruin.

“It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home.” ~ Unknown

There is one such house on a route I take quite frequently. I always noticed it and it struck a cord with me because there was always something going on in the house or in the yard. It really stuck out due to all the people there and also because it seemed the family was so happy and joyful. They always had picnics and parties out in the yard and numerous kids were running around playing. It was so nice to see this.Then one day I drove by and the house seemed empty. After driving by there a few more times my suspicions were confirmed. They were gone. What happened? How could a happy family like this all of the sudden be gone? And with all the people in the family, not one of them wanted the house.

Now granted, I know times are tough and there have been so many foreclosures in the country but are all of these empty houses a victim of the times or something else entirely? Do the people who owned them die and there is no one around to take over the house? No one to sell it? And then to make matters worse, they never get torn down, they just sit there and get covered by weeds and fall apart. It is, in my opinion, one of the saddest things.

I don’t know why it bothers me so much but it does. I think about these houses and think of all the happy times spent inside those walls that are now falling apart. I can envision the Christmas tree in the window and little kids dressed up in their costumes knocking on the front door at Halloween. The owners and their kids quickly coming to greet them with an apple or a bag of candy made by the lady of the house. I see the kids rooms full of their prized possessions. Their stuffed animals and games. What happened to their things? Was everything just left inside to rot along with the house?

“Home is a place you grew up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to.” ~ John Ed Pearce

I see so many vintage items and pictures at antique stores when I go there and I think the same thing about the items. These pictures were once hanging on the wall in a family’s home. This light was on a table beside a child’s bed. A family once ate their meals off of this beautiful set of dishes. The old toys especially the cars and dolls really get to me. I can picture the little curly haired girl playing with her beloved doll while her brother played with his cars on the floor. So many memories, now just sitting there waiting.

We are told these are all just things and they don’t matter, it is what we keep in the heart that really matters. The house sitting in disrepair. The old photos still in their original frames. The beautiful vintage desk that once sat in the parlor. Yes, they are just things, but they belonged to someone. Someone who loved them and someone that was loved.

I leave you as always with a question and a quote. What do “you” think when you see these abandoned houses sitting along the rode? Do you even think about them at all? Is it just me?

“Home is the nicest word there is.” ~ Laura Ingalls Wilder

 

 

 

19May/16

Hey, I Still Know Stuff…

I may be getting older but I still know a little something

Listen to me kid..

Listen to me kid..

Do all the young whippersnappers around you make you feel old or like you don’t know anything? Do you sometimes feel left out of conversations at dinners or a party because of your age? Do you feel you are totally dismissed, like you couldn’t possibly have a clue at “your age” of anything remotely relevant to the subject. Or worse, when you do finally have a chance to comment, you get the “eye roll.”

There have been several occasions lately where I felt this way. Maybe it was just me and the way I was feeling at the time or could it be I took the comments the wrong way, but it seems like this happens all too frequently these days. I have heard some of my friends talking about this and have seen comments on social media where the “older generation” is made fun of or mocked because how could they possibly know about anything current or interesting. I personally have felt it in a store and on the phone with a company I was dealing with.

It is all a little disconcerting to be treated in this way. To hear comments such as, “well that was then and this is now,” or “yes, I know they did it like that back in your day, but this is the way we do it in today’s world.” They may as well throw in “you old geezer” when saying these things because you know it is what they are thinking. It makes me angry to be treated like I don’t know anything or that I am incompetent because I am a certain age, it is the same way I felt when I was growing up and was treated at times like I couldn’t possibly know anything because I was a girl.

We should never be too quick to judge people on what they know just by looking at them. Nor should a whole generation be judged by their age. My generation, The Baby Boomers have gone through so many times and eras of change and revolution. We changed the world back then and we are changing it now. We have been through and seen so much and come out on the other side and in doing so we may have just gained a tiny bit of knowledge that we can pass along in today’s much different world.

“Age is not how old you are, but how many years of fun you’ve had.” -Matt Maldre

Our generation did not have all the electronics that we have today. We didn’t have computers or even calculators. So we had to learn all of this later in life. Kids today from the moment they are born are electronically connected and they know how to do things we are just learning to do. I have taught myself how to do most things by trial and error and believe me there were a lot of errors. But that is how you learn and continue to grow. I started this blog and had to learn so many things about how to get it out there for the world to even read it. I amazed myself at what I had a accomplished and that I did it all by myself. So I know a little about some stuff.

We should not be dismissed, we are still relevant. We know stuff. We know a little about a lot and we know a lot about a little. These wrinkles you mention mean I have been many places. These age spots you focus on mean I have lived and done things you will never do. These old eyes you look into have seen things…some wonderful and some I hope you will never see. When you look at us try to see what is really there. Try to see us as a whole person and see where we’ve come from and what we brought along with us. See us as having something valuable to offer. We may surprise you.

I remember growing up and listening to my grandfather for hours on end thinking he was the smartest man I ever knew. He had been through so much in his life and had so many wonderful stories and such valuable information to share that I just wanted to soak up everything he told me. I hung on his every word and loved listening to him.  And I don’t remember ever rolling my eyes during one of these conversations, not even once. Do the kids today even care about what we have to tell them? Do they want to hear our stories? I hope so.

So what do you think about this? Do you feel like the younger generation thinks we are no longer relevant? How do we change this? The bigger question is, should we even try?

We are relevant and we know stuff! Just ask us, we’ll tell you!

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~ C.S. Lewis

 

09May/16

My Child Is How Old??

How do I have a child that’s 50, when I am only 50 myself?

This is what she looks like in my mind

This is what she looks like in my mind…

So it happened this past weekend, my oldest(thank goodness) child turned 50! I really don’t know how this happened and where the time has gone. I just turned 50 myself. I remember it well, my kids had a wonderful 50th birthday surprise party for me. It was just last year, wasn’t it? It sure feels like it was. I remember the day Shelly was born and that a day afterward, it was Mother’s Day and I celebrated it in the hospital. But really, how did this happen?

This recent turn of events has caused me to do some thinking on how quickly time passes and how we don’t have endless days and years here on this earth. We need to do, say and be all that we want, when we want or miss the opportunity to do so. Our children grow up, our grandkids grow up and we can’t change that or stop time. There are days when I am with them and suddenly it hits me and I think to myself.. “right now, this moment, I would like to freeze this moment and stay in it forever.”

There are always times in your life which cause you to reflect. When the kids graduate from high school or college, when they marry, when they turn certain ages. But the age thing I think are always, at least for me, a time for reflecting the most. When they turned 16 was one of those times, then 21 and 30 and so on. But 50! Come on, I just can’t even.

Shelly in her much hated Danskin outfit

Shelly in her much hated Danskin outfit and the also much hated Poodle curtains behind her.(she was scared of them)

Remember when we were kids and it seemed like it took forever for our birthdays to roll around? Now I have one and it is no sooner over and there is another one coming so quickly I barely get the gifts put away from the first. Well I may have exaggerated a bit here but you get the gist of what I’m saying. Time flies by. My oldest grandson will be 14 this year and I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. In fact I think it was yesterday..

I remember my Mom telling me all of this and her acting all weepy sometimes about our gatherings for birthdays and holidays and how she wanted us all together. She wanted pictures and we all had to be there or we would suffer her endless reminders of how we didn’t show up for the much anticipated get together or event. I didn’t quite understand her angst then, but now “I get it.”

But back to the subject at hand…my child turning 50! Because this is what I am ranting about. I enjoyed my 50’s immensely. It was one of my better decades. My kids were all grown and living on their own(for the most part, occasionally one would drift back in for a time). I was in good shape physically and had a lot of stamina. I was even riding a bike for 20-30 miles at a time. I had a lot of fun those years as well. What happened to that person? I feel the same inside but the outside isn’t communicating to well with the inside. I remember those times vividly and fondly. So I hope the 50’s decade is a good one for my daughter, I hope she enjoys these years and remembers them with as much joy as I do.

My daughter is not just my daughter, she is also my friend. Being so close in age and having gone through all we went through to get this point in life has created a bond which I know will last forever. She is funny, smart, loving and a total music freak. Seriously, she absolutely loves music. One of the many things we share is that love of music and we go to a lot of concerts together. We love the beach and go as often as we can. We both love sitting on a beach where there is not a soul around us and just enjoy the view and sea air.  Sadly for us, most of the time on these empty beautiful beaches a family of ten comes by and pitches their tent right beside our chairs…Another thing we share is a love of shopping but that isn’t always a good thing. We are not good for each other as we encourage the other to buy. But we do have fun. We always have fun!

 

Shelly and I  in Outer Banks

Shelly and I in Outer Banks

And so I wish for her to have 50 more years to go to concerts and for me to be able to go with her. I can only hope!

I leave you as always with a question and a quote.

What are your thoughts on your children growing older, turning, 16, 21 or 50??

“The relationship between parents and children, but especially between mothers and daughters, is tremendously powerful, scarcely to be comprehended in any rational way.” – Joyce Carol Oates

and this one just for the fun of it…and because it made me laugh.
“Daughters are like flowers, they fill the world with beauty, and sometimes attract pests.”  ~Author Unknown

02May/16

The Women In My Life Lift Me Up…

Do your friends lift you up or pull you down?

Girlfriends

Girlfriends

Having just returned from my annual Girlfriends Weekend yesterday, my mind was filled with so many different thoughts and feelings as I feel asleep last night. The women I go on this trip with are all different ages and range from almost 70 to others in their 40’s and 50’s. We have a core group that has always gone and from time to time we have invited a few others. But this core group of women and our conversations this weekend were what caused me to write this post today.

We talk about many subjects while we are together and do many things, but one thing stands out in my mind and that is how we constantly build each other up. No one ever tries to belittle you or make you feel less than. We even talked about this very topic over our 4 days together. You hear and see so many stories in todays social media crazed world about women tearing other women apart due to something they have said or the way they look. I have to say and maybe its because I lucked out in the friends department( I do know I have), but all my women friends always lift me up and I feel better about myself and the world in general when I leave them.

I never understood why someone had to make another feel small to make themselves feel better. I have seen this many times over the course of my life, especially in the workplace. There would be a person that was my superior who thought they needed to control you or belittle you to make them feel like a better boss or a more important person. And in all honesty and I really hate to admit this, most of the time the boss who did this was a woman. I have had several women managers over my many years in the work environment and 9 times out of 10 I had this kind of boss. I must say, I also had several wonderful women who mentored me and I truly felt they wanted to see me succeed. I think those women knew the secret, that if I succeeded it could only make them look good.

In my opinion women should do everything they can to help other women. This is a tough world we live in and we don’t get out alive. So why not help others along the way on this journey called life. I don’t get it, but maybe this is something you don’t learn until you are older. Like so many other things we learn as we age and we are all so busy trying to survive that it is hard sometimes to look beyond our own little world. I don’t think I fully understood this completely myself until a few years ago. I wish I had realized all of this earlier so that maybe I could have helped more younger women going through some of the things I did. I have tried to mentor quite a few over the years and can only hope I succeeded.

Men seem to support other men and not feel so threatened. At least this has been my experience when observing them together. So I don’t know why women think it is ok to hurt other women. We women are thought to have more emotional and caring mechanisms than men do. So then explain to me why this happens. Why do women do this to one another? I know both of my daughters have had similar stories where they had a woman who was their superior act in such a way it caused them to leave the position. However I can truly say I feel both of them try their best to help other women. I have already started speaking to my nine year old grand daughter about this, but somehow I don’t think she needs me to tell her. She is a very kind and generous child and I know she will help others. She already does.

I want to say how grateful I am to all the women who have helped me throughout my life. I know I am blessed to have had so many of them at various times and it seemed  each one came when I needed them the most. Some of them are no longer here and some have moved on but they will always be remembered for what they gave me. I can only hope I gave back some of that support in return.

Lets all try to be more supportive of others whether it be a woman or man. Did you ever feel like someone was trying to bring you down? Do you have a person in your life that has lifted you up? I would love to hear your stories.

“We are not here on earth to see through each other, we are here to see each other through.” ~Unknown